Page 90 of 10 Days to Surrender

It’s too much. Too real. Too close to everything I’ve been trying not to want.

I look away first, focusing on retying my shoelaces. “Well, at least one of us was paying attention.”

Finally, the darkness passes and he grins at me. “We can always do some more homework back at the villa, if you missed something important.”

“They do say practice makes perfect…”

But even as we fall back into our familiar rhythm of banter, I feel the weight of his words settling into my bones.

When the time comes.

Not if.

When.

34

SASHA

Late nights are when the past rears its ugly head. The familiar jitter in my feet that drives me to walk, pace, plan, patrol. I steal a cigarette from Kosti, with every intention of smoking and brooding while I did my usual laps of the perimeter, searching for threats.

But the jitter fades before I even begin. It’s not the first time they’ve faltered—lately, those instincts aren’t as urgent as they once were. The voices in my head—one voice, really, just Yakov’s, a broken record ofPathetic-Ssyklo-Pathetic-Ssyklo—aren’t as loud.

I’ve got new voices keeping me company now. These are far more pleasant. They sound like Ariel’s breathless moans, her laugh, the delightedAhhwhen I finally find the itch on her back that she can’t reach herself anymore. The images with it are pleasant, too: her belly pressing through a sheer white gown. green leaves poking up through rich, black earth.

I don’t mind the change as much as I thought I might.

Perhaps that’s why I’m halfway to the door, gun in hand, ready to patrol, when I decide that maybe it’s okay to rest for a night. I set the gun back where it lives and retreat to my study. The unlit cigarette in my hand gets tucked back into Kosti’s pack.

That doesn’t mean I have to be useless. I could still work for a while. Feliks sent me a packet of documents tracking Dragan’s movements, and it needs attention. All signs say he’s circling something big; it’s best for everyone involved if I figure out what that something might be before it’s too late.

But when I slip in my study, it’s not my laptop I see open on my desk.

It’s Ariel’s. She must’ve left it in here when she was borrowing the room for a bit of privacy earlier. The screen pours out in a sea of blue light.

I step around to close it—then stop. My own name catches my eye.

Dear Sasha,

They have your nose.

I should close it. Walk away. This is her space, not mine, and I have no right to invade it. I’m halfway to the door when I growl and turn back around. I drop into the chair and start to read.

Dear Sasha,

They have your nose. I keep staring at the ultrasound, trying to convince myself if I’m imagining it. I wish I was. We left you behind, after all. You’re an ocean away now, and I’d like for you to stay there forever.

Because there’s no telling what else of yours they’ve inherited, and we can’t outrun it all. I’ll give them fire; that’s a certainty. But will you give them ice? I wonder if you know how frigid it is to be near you sometimes. I feel my fingers and toes slipping away from me, like they’re dissolving. It’s frostbite of the heart.

And the heart is too wild of a thing to live locked up in a cage of ice.

The cursor blinks like a dare. I know I shouldn’t be reading this. I’m a thief in her mind, stealing thoughts she’d never give me freely.

But even though I’m a changed bastard, I’m still as greedy as I ever was.

And when it comes to Ariel Ward, all I want ismore.

So I read on.

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