Page 62 of Falling For My Best Friend's Brother

She didn’t wait for a response. “That said, I want to first point out that you’re a grown woman and he’s a grown man. You’re both allowed to exchange bodily fluids however you like, no matter how disgusting I think it is.”

My brain felt like it was clogging up. “Hold on. You’re saying that you don’t care that we… did things together?”

She shook her head softly. “But Idocare that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. That’s why I’m pissed at you.”

“Oh, Lindsay…” My eyes watered. My hormones were a mess.

“I’m your best friend, babes. We’re each other's ride-or-die. If you can’t tell me about what’s going on with you, no matter who it’s with, then what’s the point of this?”

“I—”

“I’m not finished.” She held up a hand, silencing me. “At the same time, Knox is my brother, and I want him to be happybecause he deserves it. Which is why I’m asking you, not as your friend, but as his sister… what happened between you two?”

I blew out my cheeks, staring into the distance. “Honestly, I have no idea. One night we were arguing, and the next we were having sex. It just became a thing, you know? Something simple and uncomplicated that we both enjoyed doing until it wasn’t.”

I met her eyes, registering the exact moment understanding dawned on her.

“You fell for him.” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement—an undeniable fact.

I nodded. “Unequivocally.”

“Do you think he loves you?”

Huffing, I threw my head back, and a tear fell down the side of my face. God, it felt fucking great to finally talk about this with her. Lindsay was an amazing listener, and I needed someone to just… listen.

“He told me one night that he has feelings for me, but I doubt it. He just wants sex because it’s convenient.”

“Hmm.” Lindsay made a sound at the back of her throat. “And what do you want?”

WhatdidI want? The answer to that question was limitless. I wanted a lot of things right now but at the top of them all was… “Him. I want him to try. I don’t want to be just another woman to come and go. I want to be more to him.”

“Wow.” Lindsay gaped at me, as if she couldn’t believe that I’d said something so daring. I felt self-conscious. “The only thing I've seen you this passionate about is painting.”

I chuckled lightly. “I know, right?”

She smiled. “Well, if you ask me, I don’t think Knox is only interested in your body. You didn’t see what I saw that day. He was positively glowing when he saw you, and he certainly didn’t look at me the way he looked at you.

“Initially, I thought it was because of his good news, but after I thought about it, I realized that my brother had looked way too happy when you showed up. His eyes lit up so brightly and…” she trailed off, frowning deeply. “The last time I saw him so happy was nine years ago.”

I bit my lower lip, feeling sad for her. “Before your dad died?”

She nodded. Tears welled in her eyes and fell down her face. She wiped them away with her palm, but they continued to fall. “Yeah, before then. Whatever you might think, I know my brother doesn’t see you as just a body to warm his bed. He’s just scared.”

“Scared?”

“I think so. Knox has always been a reserved and guarded person. And you’re, quite frankly, the exact opposite. It’s highly possible that you disrupt his carefully crafted life, and he’s terrified of you. Control is all he knows and you’re a threat to that.”

Well, fuck. I hadn’t even thought of that. And so, I began to think. We never had sex in my room. He always said my room was too messy, or he’d subtly criticize something else. I never complained because his bed smelled like him, and I liked being in his space. If I was being honest, I’d have slept on the fucking road if he was there.

But now that Lindsay brought it up, could it be that Knox had been trying to gainandkeep control of our relationship—or whatever it was we were doing?

It didn’t matter because at the end of the day, this was Lindsay’s opinion. She was probably only saying this to soften the blow of her brother’s rejection.

“Thank you for listening, Lin. You don’t know how glad I am that this didn’t ruin our friendship. I was scared you’d never speak to me again.”

My best friend gave me a sad look, then reached forward to hug me. As soon as her arms went around me, it felt like everything I’d been holding back and trying to act like I was strong about just came rushing forth like a broken faucet. I started to cry. Soft, aching tears at first and then devastated sobs that raked through my body and filled the entire room.

I cried for everything I’d felt, and everything I was feeling. Love, hurt, shame, pain, and rejection mixed into one. I cried because the way I’d fallen in love with Knox had taken less than a second to be sure of, yet I knew it would take a lifetime to get over him. And I cried because even though Lindsay was here right now, holding me when it mattered the most, she would be gone again soon. And then I would be alone, with a baby that reminded me of the love I’d lost, or with the memory of a baby that reminded me of what could have been.

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