Page 49 of Falling For My Best Friend's Brother

I sat on the floor for a bit, beyond exhausted and felt the weirdest urge to cry, which was so stupid that I almost laughed. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. Maybe nine years? Probably not even then.

After Dad’s accident, I’d been too busy begging and pleading with people for money for his surgery to even think about crying. When he died, all I’d felt was anger. Anger at the world for being so cruel and unforgiving, and anger at myself for being so fucking helpless.

Now, everything came crashing down—my father’s memory, the relentless years that followed, and the confusing whirlwind of feelings I had for Nina. It left me heavy and raw. My head tilted back as tears finally gathered and fell. I was tired—fucking exhausted.

The last decade of my life felt like it just blew past. I didn’t have many fond memories or happy moments. Sure, there were some women, but other than Claire—who hadn’t even been able to break down the wall of survival and ambition I’d put up—none of them went below the surface. Every day there was just another grind—to put food on the table, to keep my mother’s spirit from shattering, to give Lindsay the life and education she deserved.

I’d never done anything for just me. There was always something to take care of first, to fix. I chased success so vigorously that I let my personal life rot. Maybe that was why things with Claire went south. And now I’d fallen for Nina, a woman who was unlike any I’d ever met before.

Fuck. She made everything so easy. With her, I laughed freely. I slept better. I actually looked forward to something other than work and I could forget, even if for a moment, how cruel the world outside was.

The sound of a door opening jolted me, making my heart pound. It was Nina. For a brief second, I debated if I should pick my sorry ass up off the floor before she found me like this, but I was too fucking weak to move. I was too tired of acting like I was strong.

“Knox?”

I exhaled, shutting my eyes. Even her voice calmed me, Jesus. I was crazy about her. How did I allow myself to fall so quickly and so stupidly?

I heard her take soft steps toward me, her voice low and shaky. “Knox? Are you alright?”

Why did she sound so worried? I’d called her stupid and childish and made her cry. She should be furious with me, not concerned. Why the fuck was she so kind? I felt like a giant asshole. She was too good for me.

I shook my head slowly, my eyes still shut. “I don’t think so.”

She gasped. “You’re… you’re crying. And—” I heard her sniff. “Are you drunk? You reek of alcohol.”

The scent of lavender washed over me, letting me know she was right next to me. I could feel her presence; every instinct in me ached to reach out. But I kept my hands to myself, knowing that if I touched her now, I’d never be able to let go.

“I was out,” I mumbled.

“Knox,” she whispered, and my breath hitched when I felt her hand on my shoulder. “Tell me what’s wrong. Was it the argument we had?”

I opened my eyes then, looking into her eyes. My God, she was breathtaking. Even with those sorrow-filled, green eyes, she was marvelous. And tonight, I’d almost made a mistake that I would never have been able to come back from, because the truth was that I didn’t want anyone else but Nina.

“I ran into Claire at a bar,” I said, my voice low, unsure why I was confessing this. “She kissed me, and it felt good. So good that she asked me to follow her into the bathroom.”

A crease formed between Nina’s brows; her shock was unmistakable. But it was the hurt flickering in her gaze that cut me deepest. She cared. She felt for me what I felt for her, and I couldn’t tell if that made the whole situation better or worse.

“Did you…” She trailed off, almost as if she was scared to ask the question.

My throat became constricted and I let out a bitter laugh, another wave of tears gushing out. “I didn’t. I couldn’t… because I was thinking about you.”

She inhaled, emotions swirling in her emerald orbs. “Why are you telling me this, Knox? Are you trying to hurt me?”

“No.” My chest tightened as I searched for the right words and failed. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? I went to the bar to forget you, but I ended up leaving because I couldn’t bear the thought of touching anyone else but you. I—” My voice cracked, and I took a second to gather myself. “I think I have feelings for you, Nina.”

Nina froze, her face so serious it was making me sick. She sat back on her knees and just gaped at me.

“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, because it’s not like you need to know, but… I guess… I’m fucking drunk, Nina. I’m not thinking straight. I just want you so bad… but I shouldn’t. It’s wrong to want you like this.”

My mind was telling me toshut the fuck upbefore I dug myself any deeper, but my heart physically wouldn’t let me. It was controlling my actions, and it clearly wanted Nina to know how it felt about her.

“Seeing you with that fucker today, it killed me,” I confessed. “It felt like an arrow through my chest, princess. It made merealize I couldn’t—no, fuck that—that Ican’tbear to see you with another man. I hate it, and I hate how it makes me feel.

“Because goddammit, I know I’m a hypocrite, but every time I think I’m in control, I see you. And I’m not. I’m fucking not.” I paused to breathe through my mouth because it felt like I was suffocating. I could feel a headache coming on too. “Do you still love him?”

The tears in her eyes mirrored my pain. They slipped down her cheeks one by one, and I felt every single drop like a punch to the gut.

“No, of course not.” She sniffled, holding my gaze. We were both a crying mess. “I love—”

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