Page 83 of On The Rocks

The rattling stopped, and I heard Ma murmur, “Oh. Do you know what time it is? Where’s Maeve? Donovan said some fecking little scrag pervert grabbed her last night. My poor girl. Do you think I need to make an appointment with a counselor for her? I was going to take her to the coffee shop, but she’s already gone out. Even her bed’s made.”

“She’s in here with me,” I yelled.

“Callum!” Maeve cried, slapping my cum covered stomach. “Oh my God. What’s she going to think?”

I looked down at the twenty-three liters of cum covering my gut and grinned.

Mam’s tone was filled with joy when, after a pause, she called back, “She is?”

“It’s alright, Mae,” I said, head still floating in the clouds after the best orgasm of my fucking life. “We’re married, aren’t we? It’s not like she’ll think you’re a slapper.”

“Are you okay, Maeve, love?” Ma cooed through the door. “It must’ve been a shock, you poor thing. I hope Callum knocked that little bastard’s block off. Donovan said Sophie got the little fecker in the goolies. Good enough for him, too. I’d have launched the little bastard through the nearest window.”

I sighed, opened my eyes, and rolled to my back, tagging Maeve and pulling her down with me until her face was smushed into my shoulder. “I know this is weird, baby,” I murmured. “But she won’t go until she sees for herself that you’re okay.”

Ma’s voice, all sweetness and light, knowing Maeve was with me, carried through the door. “I’ve brought some breakfast for us all. I thought you’d need feeding after you had such an awful night, and I know how busy you’re gonna be down in the bar. It’ll set you up for the day. Donovan’s coming up to get some scran, too.”

I let out a long groan and yelled, “We’ll be out in a minute, Ma.”

Maeve made a strangled noise in the back of her throat.

“That’s grand,” Mam exclaimed. “I’ll go make a cuppa for us all.”

Footsteps clipped down the hallway, fading as Maeve tipped her head back and looked up at me. “What the hell just happened?”

I leaned down and kissed my baby’s forehead. “Welcome to my fucking world. Imagine being a twelve-year-old boy and trying to wank off to pictures of Jenna Jameson? It was fuckin’ impossible. I walked around with balls the size of grapefruits for five years.”

My wife busted out laughing.

I took in her face, all lit up, along with the fading flush across her neck. “I’m sorry we got interrupted before I could... you know, return the favor.”

Her smile faded, her eyes softening, “We’ve got plenty of time. I’ve waited twenty-eight years. I can wait a little—” Her voice cut off as she realized what she’d just let slip. She went up on an elbow, her eyes going huge, and she cried out, “Oh my God. Why do I keep opening my mouth?”

My body locked, and my breath stuttered. “You’re a virgin?”

She covered her face with her hands and mumbled through her fingers, “Umm. Maybe? I don’t know. Kind of... I guess?”

I began to laugh. “It’s kind of a yes or no deal, baby.”

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed. “This is so embarrassing.”

By then, my shoulders were shaking with laughter. “What the fuck are you goin’ on about? You gotta tell me now.”

“I can’t,” she exclaimed. “You’ll think I’m a nut.”

I barked out another laugh. “That ship sailed weeks ago, Mae Mae.”

Her fingers slid down to her cheeks. “Okay. So I’ve never been with a man.”

My mind ran riot. “You’ve had sex with a woman?”

Her eyes rounded comically. “No! I haven’t been with a human, any human.”

My forehead scrunched together. “Huh?”

She bit her lip nervously and whispered, “I’ve been with a vibrator.”

Somehow, against all odds, even after the volcano of cum I’d just spurted out, my cock stirred again, and I smiled like the cat that got the goddamned cream. “Riiiight.”

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