Page 137 of On The Rocks

“This is where your da would usually have your back, right?”

I nodded, scared to speak because I knew my voice would break.

It was weird Atlas brought that up because, for the last week, I’d missed Da more than ever. So much had happened since his death: the debt, the wedding, the marriage, the bar reopening, and now the break-up. I hadn’t taken the time I needed to grieve. My feelings about him were confused. I loved my aul fella, but the things he did to me over the years affected me more than I ever realized. Now, I had to deal with his and Paddy’smanipulation tactics on top of the unresolved frustration I already had, and I didn’t mind admitting it was a lot.

Also, Atlas was right. This was where Da would’ve come into his own. Even though I was the one who fucked up, he would’ve called out my shit and then supported me unwaveringly, and I missed having that. Not having my da at my back left me feeling lost.

Scraping a hand across my jaw, I took a deep breath, hoping it would help me keep my shit tight. “I miss my da, but I’m pissed at him, too. I got Maeve, if only for a while, but he played puppet master with me, too. I dunno what to feel. I’m up and down like a whore’s drawers.”

“Why don’t you go talk to Mitch?” Cash suggested. “He helped me deal with my demons.”

Mitch was our town shrink slash counselor. He was a good guy, young, smart, and on my wavelength. He’d helped the Stones understand a lot of their deep-rooted issues and found the right help for Kit when he was suffering the worst of his PTSD.

“I’ve thought about it, and it’s an option, but a lot of what I’m feeling is normal grief. I’m going through all the usual stages, but I think all this turmoil with Maeve is just making me more emotional.”

“I get it,” Atlas assured me. “Look, I know you think I’ve gotta big mouth—and I’ll admit, on this occasion, you’d be right—but I’m a good listener, and I can keep shit to myself. Always here if you need a powwow, Cal. You’re a stand-up guy who made a mistake, so stop beatin’ yourself up so much. Nobody’s perfect.” He waggled his eyebrows playfully. “Not even me.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Thanks, dude.”

He jerked his chin toward the table full of our women. “Now, what ya gonna do about your Mrs?”

My gut clenched. “Fuck knows.”

“You got her a nice gift for Christmas?” Cash asked from his stool beside Atlas. “I know it doesn’t make up for everythin’, but it’s a start.”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “Goin’ over to Mapletree tomorrow to pick it up. Ma said she’ll put it under the tree for me, and she’ll give it to Maeve Christmas morning.”

“You comin’ over the clubhouse to eat with us?” Bowie asked.

“Can I play it by ear?” I replied. “I may open the bar for a few hours for the waifs and strays who are on their own over the holidays. I know it was Da’s tradition, but I wanna carry it on, at least for now. Da always said that Christmas and New Year are magical for most but can be the loneliest times for some.”

Bowie gave me a tight-lipped smile. “No problem.”

I sat back to survey the room, making sure everyone was okay and having a good time.

The air was filled with the thud of music, the chinking of glasses, and the sweet sound of laughter, and the place was packed with people rocking out to Chloe’s tunes.

Tristan twirled Layla and Cara around the dance floor as if they were auditioning forDancing With the goddamned Starswhile Sophie and Kennedy looked on laughing. My eyes sliced toward the table where Maeve sat alone and locked with her cosmic blues.

You okay?I mouthed.

She smiled sadly and nodded.

My mouth moved again.I miss you.

Maeve’s chin dipped, and she looked up at me through her eyelashes, nodding again.

I studied her face and body, committing her to memory in case it would be another week before I saw her again. Her hair was smooth, but her curls burned like copper in the golden lights of the bar, and her face was lightly made-up and pretty. Most women in the place wore tight outfits and sexy tops, but Maeve,in her ripped jeans and off-the-shoulder sweater, was the only girl in the bar who made my heart beat faster.

She gestured upstairs and mouthed,I’m going now.

My gut sank, but my lips quirked and formed the words,Take care.

Maeve downed her Coke, got to her feet, and gave me a little wave.

“I’ll see her upstairs,” Bowie declared from beside me.

“Thanks, bro,” I muttered, watching as Bowie made his way to the doors after Maeve. I wanted to be the one who saw her up the stairs and made sure she was safe. I yearned to kiss her goodnight and make her go inside the apartment, only to wait for the locks to click before walking away.

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