Page 181 of Dagger

It seemed I was more like my dad than I ever realized.

Selfish.

Even before I officially took over the club, I changed everything to make it mine. A new clubhouse and new money-making ideas. Suddenly, we didn’t need drugs or guns; we were better than that, and I was right, we were, but sticking it to my dad and besting him was more important to me than going straight.

And then it became more important than Elise.

For a man who never wanted to be like his father, I sure turned into the same brand of cunt. And it killed me to finally understand that I never broke the cycle like I thought I did; I fed it, and over time, my kids and the love of my life all became collateral damage.

My Cash would’ve left this club for Cara and Wilder.

Sophie could take it or leave it.

Bowie, too.

If staying at the club meant losing Kennedy and his kids, I wouldn’t see Kit for dust.

Freya happily left for her man.

When was I gonna follow my kids’ example and finally put the love ofmylife first?

“Are you okay?” Elise asked softly, concern shining from her eyes.

“Yeah, baby,” I replied, gently moving her from my chest before jackknifing to a sitting position. Throwing my legs over the bed. I pulled my tee off, went to the dresser for a fresh one, and slid it over my head.

“Get your ass up, baby,” I ordered. “You need to see Mitch. We’re leavin’ in a few days, and I need you set up with remote counseling sessions before we split. We can’t arrange it until he gives you his recommendation on who he thinks can help.”

Her nose scrunched with confusion. “What are you talking about? We can’t just take off; the club needs us. The kids come before mental breakdowns and road trips. We need to be here for them, John. They come first.”

I held my hand out for her to take, gently pulling her onto her feet. “That’s where you’re wrong, Leesy. The kids like havin’ us around,” I winced slightly, “I think. But they don’tneedus. They’ve got their own wives and kids. You’ve devoted your life to Sophie, and I’ve always looked out for Freya and the boys. You need me now, and I need you, too, but what we don’t fuckin’ need is more of their‘Days of Our Biker Lives’ bullshit. We’ve got our own dramas to work through. You need to go on a road trip and get your head together, and I’m not lettin’ you outta my goddamned sight ever again.” My arms slid around Elise’s back, and I rested my forehead against hers. “You come first, baby. I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”

“John,” she whispered, green locking with gold.

My eyes bored into hers. “Loved you since I was an asshole kid who took you for granted, Leesy, and I always will.”

Her mouth curved at one side. “Well, let’s hope you’ve evolved some.”

“She’s givin’ me lip when I’m tryin’a be romantic?” I muttered to myself.

She smiled and, to my chagrin, threw my earlier words back at me. “You wouldn’t have me any other way, John Stone.”

My lips twitched, and I murmured, “Okaaay.”

All humor drained from her eyes, and she bit her lip, “What if I can’t get my head together, John? What if I fail?”

Lip’s twitching, my gaze flicked between hers. “Shut up, Leesy.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t you speak to me like that, John Stone—” She squeaked as I tagged her waist, jerking her against me. My hand went into the back of her hair, and with a growl, I crushed my mouth to hers.

A warmth I hadn’t felt for thirty-four years enveloped my chest, making my heart thud, And I sighed against my ol’ lady’s lips as, finally, my soul burst back to life.

I took in my boys’ shocked faces, giving them time to allow my revelation to sink in.

My heart beat for my kids, but my soul was all Leesy’s. They needed to understand I’d always be there for them, but for a while, at least, it would be at the end of a phone.

“Is she ready?” Atlas asked, his pained stare meeting mine. “She needs help.”

My throat heated because it was just like my big-hearted SAA to think of her in all this.

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