Page 110 of Dagger

Wilder laid another gummy, wet kiss on my cheek.

John’s stare slid to me. “See what I have to put up with?” He shook his head exasperatedly before he turned back to Cash and bellowed, “Will you keep still?”

Atlas almost fell to his ass laughing.

I looked at Wilder, my eyes rounding. “Maybe I should spirit you away, gorgeous boy, so you don’t become as crazy as the rest of them.”

He gave me another cute gummy grin and babbled, “Doo doo, ka ka.”

I gently shoved his little head into my neck and gave him a snuggle, thinking how at least I could still cuddle Wilder when I got shipped off to Vegas.

My stomach dropped at the thought of leaving.

Here, I got to do normal things, like hanging out with the girls and babysitting. I could make beds, clean, and cook with Iris. I got to choose my clothes, eat whatever I wanted, and not care about putting on five pounds because nobody here gave the first fuck about my weight.

Here, I could be me.

Just Elise.

So, the thought of leaving the only place I’d called home for thirty years didn’t make me happy; in fact, it filled me with dread.

And what I didn’t know then was that it would also turn out to be a costly mistake.

With an aching heart, I stared down at my packed suitcase and sighed.

The SUVs were already outside, waiting to take us to the airport in Rock Springs, and God help me, I didn’t want to go. This place had become my safety, and where I felt accepted, except now, I had to leave.

My emotions were jumbled up like balls of wool that had gotten mixed up and needed unraveling because something had hit me in the kitchen earlier that day, when John held my hand and kissed my knuckles.

He was under my skin.

At the time, the way I felt seemed to come out of nowhere, but when I thought back over the weeks I’d been here, I could see that liking John again had been a gradual progression.

He wasn’t the same man I fell in love with as a girl. The boy who always knew better, who only ever did what he wanted, was gone, along with the arrogance and cockiness of youth.

I loved that boy more than life itself. Still, after everything I’d gone through over the years, I suspected that even if Robert had never done what he did to us, that boy would’ve still shredded me, just in a different way. And the sad thing was, I would’ve let him, because all I ever wanted was to please him and be the woman he needed, even if it meant losing myself.

I would’ve given up everything to make him happy because that was what a good girl did for her husband. We’d come a long way as a society, and women could be who they wanted, but in small-town Wyoming, things hadn’t progressed so much, especially in the world of the Speed Demons back then.

When John enlisted, I cursed the Marines for taking him away from me. But in hindsight, I could see that leaving Bandit and the club made him a man with his own opinions and gave him the confidence to do things his way.

Before John left, he didn’t have the ability to change things.

Then he came home with more confidence, more knowledge, and turned the club around. If John had stayed, he would’ve ended up just like Bandit; he didn’t know how not to. If he’d never left, he would have eventually become everything he didn’t want to be because he wouldn’t have been taught any differently.

And my life would’ve been hell because the thought of ending up with Bandit’s clone made my blood run cold.

The way we were torn apart was heartbreaking, but over the years, John became softer, and I became stronger. Now, we met somewhere in the middle, whereas before, our differences, inevitably, would have come between us.

Back then, I loved him, heart and soul, but if John had become like Bandit, it would have made me even more of a doormat, or I would have eventually come to my senses and lefthim. Either way, we wouldn’t have been happy together. In fact, I doubt we would have made it at all.

The only thing I would’ve had was Sophie, and it would have been beautiful, but the thought of her having a father who was a carbon copy of Bandit made my stomach hurt. Even though she wasn’t raised with me, she was happy, healthy, and loved. My daughter became an incredible woman, strong, smart, and beautiful. Hell, she was a talented doctor.

But would she be all that with a father just like Bandit?

I folded a couple more tank tops and placed them in the case when I heard a loud knock.

Turning, I saw John pop his head around the door, and my stomach leaped at the mere sight of him.

---