Page 70 of Dagger

John had told me what happened with Adele, but he’d left a lot out of the story. Hearing it from her point of view cemented what John had implied. Their marriage was based on friendship, and it only took place because she was pregnant with Xander.

I knew back then I’d shattered him by marrying Robert. Not only that, but I’d also damaged his ego when I wouldn’t go with him the day he turned up at the mansion. John had swallowed his pride to come and get me, even though, in his eyes, I’d gone off with another man within weeks of him apparently dying. He’d had enough faith in me to believe my baby was his, too, and I’d still rejected him outright.

How could I blame John for seeking comfort somewhere else?

What happened wasn’t my fault, but it wasn’t his either. Okay, so I had to watch him build a life with another woman, and it broke me, but I never thought about the fact that he had to watch me do the same.

“At the time, I wanted to include you,” Adele continued, pulling my attention back to her. “I used to go into Main Street with Iris, trying to catch a glimpse of you. My intention was to march over and make friends, but you used to turn the other way, and I knew you were in pain. Do you remember the time we met in the coffee shop?”

I nodded.

“I wanted you to know Xander and the new baby because I had a feeling, one day, you and John would make your way back to each other. I wanted my kids to know you so it would be easier on them when I left, and I didn’t want any bad feelings when the time came. Then Iris was taken, and it made me stay closer to the club because I wanted the kids safe, so it never turned out the way I planned, and I felt terrible about it. I used to see John sitting on his bike, staring toward the creek, and I knew he was thinking about you. Iris told me the story about John makingyou his ol’ lady down there. Even though he loved you, the stubborn fool would’ve never left me because it meant leaving the kids. If I wanted a clean break, it was obvious I’d have to be the one to leave. Eventually, I met Tim, and John let me go like he promised. It all worked out in the end, except for one thing.” She cocked her head questioningly. “You two didn’t get your shit together like I planned.”

For a second, I was taken aback. “Like you planned?”

“Well, yeah,” she admitted. “We were all with the wrong people. I thought by leaving that you and John would have an easier road back to each other.” She winced. “I just didn’t factor in John’s stubborn pig-headedness.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “It wasn’t just that. I had a job to do; I thought Robert had my daughter, and I had to find her. Then the FBI got involved, and we had a strategy I couldn’t deviate from. I didn’t really give him the chance to start anything because it was the wrong time to leave my husband.”

She cocked an eyebrow knowingly. “But you’ve left Henderson now, and you walked in here with your hand tucked in John’s arm. You’re exploring things, right?”

“We’re not together,” I stated, willing my cheeks to stop heating.

Baring my soul to John’s ex-wife wasn’t exactly top of my ‘things to do’ list. It was bizarre.

“Is this weird?” I asked her.

Adele’s eyebrows drew together. “Why would it be weird?”

I studied her briefly, taking in her quizzical expression. “You’re John’s ex-wife, the mother of his kids. I’m his ex-girlfriend. Of course it’s weird.”

She smirked. “I guess it is a bit weird, but I’m not the evil other woman here. I genuinely want John to be happy, and I don’t think he ever will be until you’re back in his life, the way you were always meant to be.”

God only knew why, but I trusted her. Maybe it was because she had no agenda, perhaps it was because she was being real and vulnerable with me, but something made me want to give it back.

My eyes met hers. “I’m scared, Adele.”

Her forehead creased in confusion.

“John was my world,” I continued. “I’ve never been more whole than when I was with him. Even when we argued, we were amazing. I’ve never known a feeling like it, he was everything to me. Then it got ripped away, and I was never the same. I lived a long time knowing what my life should have been because, just for a while, I lived perfection. Then suddenly, I didn’t, and nothing felt right again. My world was dark without John. One minute, I had a man I loved with my heart and soul, and in a split second, he was pushed away, and I was left empty inside.”

Adele’s eyes misted. She reached out and took my hand. “Oh, Elise.”

“Now I’ve got Sophie and Belle, and even though I’m empty inside, there’s something left in me to offer them. I need to preserve it. I need to keep what little I’ve got left for them and for myself.”

Adele leaned toward me across the table. “Bullshit.”

My head reared back slightly.

“What an utter crock of shit,” she went on. “From what I’ve heard on the grapevine, you’ve been working for the FBI to take Henderson down. Am I right?”

I nodded confusedly.

“So, you’ve put yourself in danger every day for years, but you’re a scaredy cat when it comes to John?Please.” She rolled her eyes. “You’ve taken on the leader of a sex trafficking ring, and you’ve come out on top, so don’t try and tell me you’re scared of falling back in love with a man who worships the ground you walk on. You left John back then, he never left you,and he wouldn’t leave you now, just like he wouldn’t leave me years ago. I was the one who had to do the walking, and he wasn’t even damned well in love with me. You’ve fought tooth and nail for a lotta years, so why are you letting your douchebag ex-husband win now? He took your family and your man from you, and I can’t believe you’re still letting him do it.” She picked up her beer bottle, took a swig, and cleared her throat. “I get it, Elise; Henderson traumatized you, but why have you been fighting for all these years only to give up at the last hurdle? If you need help dealing with everything that happened, get it, but stop rolling over, honey. That asshole’s taken enough from you, don’t let him take your future as well.”

Sitting back, I reached for my beer bottle and took a sip, allowing myself time to think over Adele’s words—or dare I say it—mini-rant.

She had a point. I had fought for a long time, and now I was almost free and clear, I was taking a backseat. Fighting for everything was getting old. Just for once, I wanted it to come easy. The thought of being with John filled me with a hope I thought had deserted me, but I didn’t want to jump back into it with him just because we loved each other as kids.

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