Page 138 of Dagger

Twisting my head, I looked up at him. “Can we?”

He glanced down at me and muttered, “C’mon,” before pulling me through the doors and out into the vast garden.

We walked hand in hand over the rustic paving stones leading to the tree.

The night was drawing in, and the stars were twinkling in the darkening sky, the same way they did thirty years ago wheneverJohn brought me down here at night. It took a good minute before we reached the huge old oak. John had built the house a fair way back from it. The garden was massive, it must have been fifty meters across and led down to the creek at the bottom, which was even longer than it was wide.

John sank to his ass in the very spot we used to lay, pulling me down so I was half-sat on his lap. “You warm enough?” he asked.

The heat from his body sent goose bumps down my arms, but I wasn’t cold. John had always been a furnace, so, that and the fact that the nights were a pleasant, warm sixty degrees, meant I was comfortable.

I tipped my chin up at the now pitch-black sky. “The stars are bright tonight. Look, there’s Cassiopeia.” My eyes slid to look at John. “Do you remember the story and how she pissed off Poseidon by boasting her daughter Andromeda was the most beautiful?”

John lay down flat on his back, looking up at the sky. “I remember everything, baby. Even remember how you said you’d protect our kids, even if it meant sacrificing yourself.” His head turned to me, and his voice went husky with emotion. “You did it, Leesy. You kept your promise. You sacrificed yourself to keep our girl safe. I’m so fuckin’ proud of you and of Soph. There are no words to thank you for what you did for her.”

I laid down on my side with my elbow to the dirt, resting my head in my hand, and confessed something I’d been thinking about for weeks. “I wish I’d told you.”

He shifted his head to look at me. “You did what you thought was right. All any of us can do is take the information we have and make the best decision we can. That’s what you did, and who knows what could’ve happened if you’d told me back then? Sophie might not be here now.”

“We lost so much, John,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks.

He raised a hand and gently wiped them away. “I know, baby. But we lost us for her, and she was worth it. Our girl’s fucking awesome.”

“Yeah,” I admitted through my tears. “She is.”

John smiled up at me, his fingers sifting through my hair. “We lost thirty years, baby, but we still have half a lifetime left. I’ve decided to give up the gavel and leave the club.”

“John, you can’t,” I protested, my eyes rounding in shock. “Youarethe Speed Demons. You’re everything the club embodies.”

“No, I’m not,” he argued. “I’m one man, and I’m tired, baby. This war has proved to me that my heart’s not in it. I’ve lived a good life—well, as good as it could’ve been without you and Sophie, but there’s so much more for me, and that’s you. I wanna take my time and get to know you again. I want us to travel and see places. Most of all, Leesy, I don’t wanna waste any more time being without you. The job takes up so much of my energy, and all I wanna do is give it to you. I’m fifty-five years old; I’ve worked hard, and there’s plenty of cake in the bank. Let’s enjoy it.”

I swept my arm out toward the house. “But look what you’ve built us. We can hardly fuck off to Europe and leave it.”

John chuckled. “We can do whatever the fuck we want, but we do need a base, and this is it. All I ask is that we’re home for the grandbaby’s birthdays and for Christmas. The kids would be disappointed if Granddaddy John didn’t wear his Santy suit on the big day. It’s clubhouse tradition.” He tugged me down and slid his arm around my back.

I rested my cheek on his chest and sighed. “Christmas is all about kids anyway. It’s no fun without them.” I peered up to lookin his eyes. “I love the way you are with them. It’s what started to draw me to you again.”

John’s hand came down to stroke my hair. “Done a lot of shit in my life, Leesy. I’ve ridden through canyons, deserts, mountains, and beaches. Did Iron Mountain Road and attended rallies and parties. Done shit that would make your hair curl. Seen the Grand Canyon, and cried at the beauty of Niagara Falls, but nothin’ I did comes close to dancin’ with my granddaughter’s feet restin’ on my boots or teaching my grandsons to ride a bike. Nothin’ comes close to Christmas mornin’, putting on an obscenely tight Santy suit just to make my kids and grandbabies smile.”

I beamed up at him, the beauty of his words bringing on those pesky tears again. “I’ve always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls,” I croaked.

“I’ll take ya, baby. All the time I was there, all I wanted was to share it with you anyway.” Gold met green, and he jerked his chin at me. “Come here, Leesy.”

I crawled up until our eyes were level, staying on my side.

John laced our fingers together, brought my hand up, and kissed my palm. “Tomorrow, if things get hot, I want you to take the kids down the Cell with the girls and stay there until I come for ya.” He leaned forward and touched his mouth to mine, his beard tickling my chin.

My heart fluttered.

“Is it going to be dangerous?” I asked quietly.

“I dunno,” he admitted. “They’ve probably got an idea we’re comin’. Most of them have been rounded up by the Feds already, but the key players are still free. Bear disappeared, and Henderson’s lawyer got him outta jail on bail. We’re not facin’ the numbers we were before; in fact, there’s way more of us than them now. But we’re dealin’ with men who have a screw loose and nothin’ to lose. Bear won’t go to jail. He’ll ride off a cliffbefore that happens, but he’ll also put as many of us down as he can before he goes out in a blaze of glory.”

My heart squeezed painfully.

Asking John not to go would be akin to asking him not to walk or talk. I knew there was no way he’d send his men in there while he stayed safe at the clubhouse. John would be the first man to ride in and the last man to leave. As much as a part of me wished he’d take more care, it wouldn’t be my John.

“If anything happens, I’ll go down the Cell and look after the kids,” I assented.

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