Page 112 of Dagger

But instead of shutting my mouth like a normal person, I continued babbling. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m nervous. Actually, yeah, I do. I haven’t done this for over thirty years. I was anxious with you enough back then, and now I’m goddamned terrified.” I closed my eyes, mortified.

“Leesy,” John murmured.

I squeezed my eyelids shut.

“Look at me, Leesy,” he repeated.

I cracked one eye open.

“You’re not the only one who’s nervous,” he admitted. “I’m so fuckin’ scared of screwin’ up with you that I didn’t know how to make a move. I know I said I was givin’ you space, but I was also tryin’ to find the courage to claim you without scaring you off. You’ve been through a fuckin’ ordeal, and I know I have to handle you with care, but I don’t know how. I’m like a bull in a china shop, baby, and I’m so convinced I’m gonna do something stupid and make you run for the hills that it’s easier to hold back, ‘cause at least if I hold back, you’ll stay.”

I opened my other eye. “I thought you weren’t interested anymore.”

He deadpanned. “Yeah, right.”

“I can’t believe this. We finally take a step forward, and I have to leave.”

He brought his fingers up to cup my face. “It won’t be for long.”

I pushed my cheek against his hand, memorizing his touch and the warmth of his skin. “I know.”

John angled my face up, and I held my breath as he leaned down and touched his mouth to mine. “I’ll call you to talk. Make sure you’re somewhere quiet; we’ll catch up and start getting to know each other more. We’ve both changed, so let’s wipe the slate clean and learn about each other as we are now.”

“What if you don’t like me?” I wondered out loud.

He shook his head, smiling. “I already like you, Leesy. Not many women would jump in front of a bullet to save a little girl’s life. You’re cute, funny, sexy as hell, and you don’t take my shit. What’s not to like?”

I beamed. “You think I’m sexy?”

He took my hand and shoved it against his groin. “Does that answer your question?”

My eyes rounded as my fingers pressed against John’s long, thick, rock-hard cock. “Jesus.” I barked a laugh, tugging my hand away. “What are you? Twelve?”

He reached down and adjusted the crotch of his jeans. “Feel like a twelve-year-old schoolboy when it comes to you.”

Rolling my eyes, I watched John as he clicked my suitcase closed and hauled it off the bed, admiring how his biceps flexed under the tight arms of his black, short-sleeved Henley.

Maybe it helped that he’d changed so much because I didn’t look at him and get transported back to the past. If anything, lately, I’d been looking at him and thinking about nothing but a future and how it might work.

It had taken months, but getting to know John, the father and grandfather, made the resentment fade. I hadn’t noticed it happening. I just woke up a few mornings ago, and the angry burn in my chest had dispersed.

He’d made mistakes, but the difference between old and new John was that he admitted them and worked to make amends, something young John Stone never did.

Following him across the room, I took one last look back at the space that had been my refuge before clicking the door closed behind me and walking down the corridor. John waited for me to catch him up and slid his arm across my shoulders as we walked in silence toward the bar.

My heart felt heavy in my chest. I was going to miss the club. I loved the girls and would never have let Sophie and Belle leavewithout me. It just seemed typical of John and I to finally talk honestly and make headway, only to then be separated again. I should have waited until I came back, but I suspected having to leave forced me to confront my feelings earlier than I may have done ordinarily. And I was relieved we got a chance to talk before I left.

I called my goodbyes out to the brothers in the bar before heading out of the doors to the parking lot, filled with Speed Demons and ol’ ladies and kids all saying goodbye.

My heart ached as I watched Sunny cling to Bowie’s legs, tears streaming down her cheeks. Bowie rubbed her back, pulling Layla closer and burying his face in her neck.

Kit’s forehead rested on Kennedy’s, and I found myself wishing I could hear the words he softly spoke to make her eyes close with sorrow. His hand reached out, tagging Kady and pulling her into him as she buried her head into his hip. Then he motioned to Kai, who took Ned’s hand in his.

Atlas lifted Belle from the baby carrier attached to his chest and handed her to Sophie. Then, he kissed his daughter on her little head before doing the same to her mother.

My throat felt as if it was on fire, and I swallowed down the ball of emotion threatening to engulf me.

“We gettin’ this show on the road?” Cash bellowed, walking from the clubhouse with Cara, who held Wilder. I smiled at the tape across his wonky nose and the dark shadow that would soon turn to full-on bruises already starting to form under his eyes.

---