Page 111 of Dagger

God, I had to get a grip. I wasn’t a schoolgirl anymore.

“Hi,” I said, a bit too brightly.

He grinned, walked inside my room, and closed the door behind him. “I’ve come to get your luggage. You ready?”

I smiled my reply, but I knew my eyes weren’t conveying the same happiness as my voice.

He frowned. “You okay?”

Turning back to the case on the bed, I murmured, “Yeah.”

John took my elbow, gently turned me to face him, and stared down at me with a worried expression. “Talk to me, Leesy. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s goin’ on.”

“Nothing’s wrong as such,” I stated. “I was wondering, though, do you ever regret leaving for the Marines?”

He dipped his chin to look me dead in the eyes. “Where’s all this come from?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess, lately, I’ve been going over the past, trying to reconcile what happened. Maybe I’m trying to make sense of everything, John. I have to believe everything that happened to us had a purpose, or else, what was the point?”

His hands rested on my shoulders, and his thumbs stroking my tee was comforting. “I used to regret it every day, baby, especially when I first got back to town after being a POW, I was a mess. I’d lost you and Mom, and I blamed the Marines for it all. I was angry at the world, and it was a big part of why I went away.”

“And met Adele?” I whispered.

He jerked a nod. “It wasn’t about the sex, Leesy. Can’t even say I felt a need to fuck her—I hadn’t touched a woman since you visited me in San Diego. I think I just needed human contact and to feel close. I truly believed I was gonna die in that hellhole when they beat, tortured, and starved me. Then suddenly, I was home, and I thought you’d moved on. I didn't know what to do with myself. After being touched by so much hate, I needed somebody to touch me with love. I kept thinking about how God gave me another chance, and although you didn’t want me, I had to find another way. I couldn’t waste the gift I’d been given. It was only supposed to be one night, Leesy. I left her and New Mexico in the rearview, made my way home, and put everything I had left into building something worthy that I could be proud of…” his voice trailed off before he added, “I’d have sold my soul to turn back time, but then Adele found me and told me she was pregnant, and I knew instantly I wanted the baby. You’re the love of my life, Leesy, but so are my kids.”

I nodded because I felt the same way about Sophie and Belle. And how could I blame John for looking for comfort when I did exactly the same thing with Tucker? When I told John the truth, I skirted around what happened in Denver that night, but never once had he brought it up or used it against me.

“You’ve never mentioned Tucker,” I pointed out.

“Why would I?” he asked. “When you’re lost in the darkness, it takes one ray of light to help us find our way out. I don’tbegrudge you that, Leesy. Sex doesn’t always have to represent love, but we can still draw comfort from it.”

“When did my Johnny become a poet?” I teased.

He threw his head back and laughed.

Warmth filled my chest, and I noted how his golden eyes danced with joy. I tucked the sound of his laughter away somewhere safe so I could recall it when the Vegas nights got a little lonely.

“Will you call me while I’m away?” I blurted out.

Shock flashed behind John’s eyes.

Eek!What was that?

“But only if you want to,” I added hastily. “I mean, you don’t have to.”

“Baby,” John rumbled. “If you want me to call, I’ll call. I would’ve suggested it, but I didn’t know if you were there yet. Been tryin’a give you space like you asked, but my patience began to wear thin about the same time you got shot in the damned hip.”John’s hands slid down my arms, and he caught my fingers in his. “I’ll call you every night you’re away.” He lifted my knuckles to his mouth and kissed them, much like he did earlier in the kitchen.

A warm shiver ran down my spine.

“Kay,” I squeaked.

John dropped my hands and nodded toward the case on my bed. “You all packed?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. “Kennedy said we can go shopping in Vegas—as long as Hustle’s MC can cover us,” I added quickly. “Apparently, the malls are incredible, and there are designer stores there, so if I need more panties, we can go to Victoria’s Secret—”

A slow grin spread across John’s face. “Yeah?” he asked, his tone low.

Oh my God. What am I saying?

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