Page 103 of Stone

I was in the hospital at the same time as Connie. During the night, I woke up, went to her room, and stood in the doorway watching Bandit stroke her hand, his head bowed over her still body.

She’d had a massive stroke, and she passed away the next day, and I lost all faith.

I loved her, I did, so much. It was like losing a mother, but nothing made me ache like losing John Stone, my ol’ man and the love of my life. I couldn’t function properly, and the only reason I kept myself breathing was because of the baby in my belly.

John’s baby.

The mayor came to the hospital with Mom and told me everything. John’s unit had been ambushed, and he was missing in action, presumed dead. A military truck had been blown up by enemy soldiers who had been hiding in caves.

They never recovered his body.

Connie’s funeral took place two weeks after she passed. I watched from the hill in the distance with Stevie and Kelly. I wanted to say goodbye, and I believed John would have wanted me to pay my respects to his beautiful mom. Except I couldn’t get close because Bandit only wanted Club and close family there.

And I didn’t make the cut.

They held off on John’s funeral. They never found him, so they advised Bandit to let some time pass before burying him, just in case.

It was almost a relief. I’d attended too many funerals already, and I wasn’t ready for the finality of it.

Weirdly, it gave me hope for a while. I kept dreaming John was alive somewhere, hurt, begging me for help. It was beautiful torture, because although he was in torment, at least in my dreams, he was alive.

I only left my bedroom for Connie’s funeral. My stomach had popped slightly, but luckily, it was winter, and I could hide my body with baggy sweaters and oversized coats. Nobody knew. I told the doctors and nurses at the hospital not to say a word. Because of patient confidentiality laws, they had to respect my wishes.

It wasn’t that I was ashamed—I didn’t care what anyone thought—I just didn’t know how to tell people without John. It seemed wrong; he should’ve been there with me, sharing in my joy at starting our little family. The thought of announcing it without him shredded me, so I didn’t.

Then, just after the holidays, somebody made me a proposition. They gave me a way to not only keep my baby but also give her a good life, along with my mom, who’d also be looked after.

The funny thing was, my dad always told me that if something seemed too good to be true, it probably was.

I really should’ve listened.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Elise

John,

They told me you were dead, but how can that be?

How can you die and my body not get ripped apart too? How can I still be here without you when you’re my sole reason for existing?

I always believed you and I were so intrinsically linked that one couldn’t be, at least not without the other.

Maybe that’s why my soul is shredded: the laws of nature have been imbalanced, and I shouldn’t be here, not without you.

I’ve thought about it, you know, letting go. Then I feel Constance move and realize you’d be mad at me if I did what I so desperately wanted. So, I’ll stay for her and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’ll try and live for her, and maybe one day she can fix the wound you’ve left on my heart. I know it won’t ever disappear, but maybe she can stop it bleeding so much.

I love you, John.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Yours always,

Elise

XOXO

Mr. Allen smiled at me softly, his eyes tinged with worry lines as he studied me. “Elise, are you sure?”

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