Page 90 of The Alpha's Cursed Queen

I sit down heavily on the stool. “But I’ve never exhibited any signs of being able to practice magic.”

“I can’t explain that,” Mary admits. “Even so, the white witches are ruthless when it comes to hunting down anyone with a dark witch bloodline. The fact that they sealed you makes little sense to me. From everything I have discovered about their ways, they should have executed you.”

Her voice is grim, and I study her. “But they didn’t.”

“No, they didn’t,” she murmurs, meeting my gaze. “I have to wonder why. What did Darian promise them in exchange for only sealing your magic—”

“Magic that I have never been able to use,” I add tersely.

“That doesn’t matter. The sealing ritual could have been a precaution. But what did Darian promise them? And what did Willow have to do with it?” My friend must see the doubt in my eyes because her voice becomes firm. “These are the questions you need to be asking yourself, Alice. I’ve begun to think that there may be more to this whole situation than either of us realizes. The only one who can tell you the truth is Darian.”

“Mira has the mark as well, Mary.” I shake my head. “Let’s say I go to Darian. I ask him to tell me the truth. I get more involved with him because of this whole thing. What if he finds out about Mira? What if he finds out about her mark? What if he puts her through the same painful sealing? Do you think my daughter will be able to survive that? Do you want to put your goddaughter through that, Mary?”

The healer pales. “Of course not. But you deserve to know the truth, Alice. Seven years have passed, and the events of that night still haunt you. They’re eating away at you.”

“I’m fine.” I try to defend myself, but she’s not having it.

“Alice, you’re successful, you’re raising Mira, but you’re not living. You’ve closed your heart. Your entire life revolves around your work and your daughter.”

“She’s my child!”

“You can have an identity outside of your child,” Mary argues hotly. “What are you going to do when Mira goes off to college? What about when she falls in love and gets married? Do you plan to just wither away and die at that point? If I were to search this apartment, I wouldn’t find a single trace of any hobby or anything that you do for yourself. Everything is about Mira or it’s about your job. You need to have a life outside of all that.”

“I have a life!” I retort. “I go for walks. I read.”

“Reviewing legal briefs isn’t the same as reading for fun,” Mary scoffs. “You pretend to be okay, but you’re not. You haven’t forgiven Darian, and that’s fine, but Alice, that anger inside you is whittling away at you. And honestly, it’s the same for Darian. He has become a harsh king. His father was just and fair, but Darian is known for his ruthlessness. He’s not beloved like his father used to be.”

I try not to let her words affect me, and I cross my arms over my chest. “Maybe he was always that way. You and I didn’t really know him.”

Mary smiles faintly. “Before his father passed away, and before you entered his life, he was already taking care of state affairs to some extent, and he was quite well liked. I can only imagine that upon losing you, he let his anger and his grief consume him.”

I feel agitated. My friend is echoing the same things that Darian was trying to say to me tonight. I don’t want to hear them. I don’t want to forgive him, and I don’t want to let go of this anger.

“What do you want me to do, Mary? I’m not going to talk to him. He’s living his life, and I’m living mine. Whether he’s miserable or not is none of my concern. And I’m not about to give him an excuse to do to Mira what he did to me.” I slide the journal backacross the counter to her. “I don’t care about the mark. I don’t care about any of this. I just want to keep my daughter safe. Exposing her to Darian will put her in danger. I won’t do it. And I don’t want to discuss this again.”

My friend studies me for a while before appreciating that I mean what I’m saying. She sighs, then takes a bite of stew. “I understand. But for the record, Alice, I’m not siding with Darian in the least. I simply want you to be happy.”

“This is as happy as I can be,” I assure her. “I’ve come a long way from the girl I used to be. I’m content with that. I can’t ask for more. But Darian is and will always be a threat to Mira. I can never let him into her life.”

“What if you talk to him and can understand—”

“That won’t happen,” I reply abruptly. “The anger inside of me is a horrifying thing, Mary. I want to hate him. I need to hate him because if I don’t, I’ll be too ashamed to look myself in the eye. After that crushing humiliation, forgiveness is out of the question. What kind of weak-spirited woman would I be if I were to forgive somebody like that?”

Mary’s eyes are gentle. “Forgiving him will not make you weak, Alice. This is your wounded pride talking. You know that.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “You sound like my therapist. But neither of you seems to understand that my pride is all I have. He broke it, and I rebuilt it.”

“What if there is actually a reason to forgive him?” Mary asks quietly. “What if you had a chance to be happy? Will you let your pride get in the way of that?”

I remain silent.

She sighs again. “Alice—”

But I don’t let her speak. “It may seem like I’m always complaining. But Mary, my own fated mate betrayed me. He could’ve simply rejected me. He could’ve talked to me. The fact that he didn’t do either of those things and chose the most painful way to humiliate me and break me is not something I can recover from. It’s easy for you to say all these things because you’re not standing in my shoes. You don’t know what it’s like. Even now, I feel worthless at times. I’ve achieved so much, but he took my self-worth away from me. He took my self-respect away from me. No matter how much I rebuild it, I keep coming back to that same point.”

I get to my feet, feeling cold. “Neither you nor that therapist can look at the situation from my eyes, from my point of view. You’re right, though. I could have it out with him. Maybe talking with him would help. Maybe I could finally move on. But I can’t do it, not with Mira at stake. I can’t put her in danger. Besides, I don’t trust Darian enough to believe anything he has to say.”

“Get a blood oath from him,” Mary suddenly says. “If you ever decide to confront him, and you’re worried that you cannot believe him, make him take a blood oath.”

---