Page 48 of Kiren

“I hear you.” The bed dipped as he sat.

My senses went on alert. I heard every sound: the cap unscrewing, the squirt of the cream. Then his hands were on me. He touched me everywhere on my back, never shying away, making sure he got cream between the worst of the bigger scars. I could feel that, cool and soothing.

I couldn’t believe he was touching my ugly back, my scars.

My pacifier still clutched in my hand, I said, “I got burned at a party when I was in college.”

“Poor baby.”

“They had made a bonfire outside. But they hadn’t properly cleared the area. There were rocks inside the hottest part, and they exploded. One hit me on the back. I fell too close to the flames and caught my shirt on fire. I know you’re supposed to roll when you’re on fire. Every kid knows that. But I panicked and ran. A couple of guys tackled me but not before it burned me pretty bad all over my back and sides. I was in the hospital off and on for about a year.”

Max leaned down and kissed my temple. “I’m glad you’re telling me, baby. I’m so sorry that happened. That you had to go through all that.”

“It was a bad time. But I’m so glad I’m here with you, Daddy.”

“Burns hurt the worst. I can’t imagine what you went through, baby.” Max leaned down and kissed my temple.

My eyes filled. Not from self-pity, but because of Max and his love. It was pouring all over me like a sweet summer breeze.

My voice twisted in my throat, but I forced myself to continue. “I never went back to school. My parents took care of me for two years and when I was ready, they bought me my condo and got me the job. I needed all of that. I’ve had a dozen surgeries since the accident.”

Max kissed my head again. “Baby, that’s awful.”

“I go in for two more surgeries next year. You should know that. They gradually smooth away the lumps and bumps and make it so it doesn’t tug my skin as much when I sit and stand.”

I hadn’t realized he had trouble with those things. “Do you have a lot of pain?”

Kiren glanced away, then back at my face. “Yes, when it tugs hard. But I can’t really feel the surface. I get a burning sensation, but the doctors say that’s body trauma memory. It’s also called somatic memory. I’m going to be a handful, I guess.”

“Not to me. You’re beautiful to me, baby. And I’m here for you.”

“You don’t have to say that. We haven’t committed to anything.”

I heard Max put the cap on the tube and set it on the nightstand. He crawled under the covers and took me into his arms, front to back, pressing up against the scars as if they weren’t even there.

“I want you in my life, Kiren.”

We were talking big boy stuff now. Really big.

“We’ve just begun a relationship,” I said.

“I know. It’s weird, but I feel like I’ve known you longer. Wanted you forever. It’s probably just me being a needy daddy.”

“If you’re needy, what does that make me?” I asked.

“The cherry on top,” Max said, laughing.

“I’m confessing to you that I come with problems. I’m not an easy boy to manage.”

“This is from my heart, baby. I love boys who are needy. I love giving and caring. I want to pamper and spoil. It’s what and who I am. This is my choice. You don’t have to feel guilt or like you’re not good enough. You’re the boy. I’m the daddy. You let me worry about the hard things. That’s what I like.”

“Being in charge?”

“Yes. But not to control you. To give you what you want, too. And I know you want this. You want the little life. You want a daddy, a real one through and through. I can be that for you.”

“I know you can. I see it. I feel it all over. In the bath tonight, especially.”

“Let yourself have it,” he said softly. “Let go and I’ll be there for you in the ways you need and desire.”

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