Page 42 of Kiren

I picked up his coat and hung it by mine.

“What’s going on, baby?”

“I’m itching to get into my rocket jammies.”

“They’re in the dryer, remember? I’ll go get them.”

“Yay!”

He’d reverted quickly to his little self, as if holding it back all day had taken its toll. My boy needed me. We had the whole weekend to play.

I went past the kitchen to the laundry room and brought out a basket of clean, freshly dried clothes.

Kiren was hopping all over the living room. He had Brobear in his arms and was talking to him. “Do you think the Christmas tree would look good there? Or there?” He held the bear out as if the toy could see.

I watched him silently. He was so cute. I loved that he was comfortable here with me and could be who and what he was. The release of the things deep inside a person was healthy. Too bad too many humans chose to wear many masks every day and throughout their lives. The needy, sweet, adorable boy who wanted a daddy for Christmas wouldn’t have to do that if he remained in my life. I wanted to see to it that he received in me an authentic and loving partner.

“Remember, we’re going shopping for a tree tomorrow,” I said.

Kiren turned abruptly as if caught doing something wrong. “Daddy! I didn’t see you there.”

“I love watching you play and talk to your toys.”

He held Brobear tightly against his chest. “I feel very little tonight, Daddy.”

“Come here.” I set the basket of clothes on the side of the couch and held open my arms.

Kiren ran into them, squishing his bear between us as I hugged him around the shoulders.

“Why very little?” I asked, bringing him around the couch to sit in my lap.

He rocked against my chest, his legs swaying. His black trouser rode up exposing his black socks. His shiny black shoes glimmered.

“I don’t know. My parents make me feel like a kid again whenever I go to their house.”

“Do you suppose that’s why you’re feeling very little right now?”

“No. I’m very little because I need you, that’s all.”

“We’re facing the weekend with no interruptions. Except tree shopping.”

He giggled. “Yay!”

“You can let loose. The sky’s the limit. I don’t have any lines you can’t cross. Except maybe setting the house on fire.”

He jerked in my arms and his body froze. “I would never, Daddy.” His voice quivered.

I remembered too late that he didn’t like fire. No fire in the fireplace. He’d happily commented when he’d discovered my stove was electric.

“I only meant that as an example, sweetheart. You’re a good boy. I know you wouldn’t ever do something like that.”

“I a good baby boy.” His voice stopped shaking but remained low. “I still need diapers, though.”

“You do?”

He nodded, rubbing his forehead against my collar.

“Thank you for telling Daddy. That’s very good. We can manage diapers for you tonight.”

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