Page 30 of Kiren

We’d spent the weekend together. The moment I walked into Max’s house, it was official for me. But we still had steps to take. I wanted it all with Max. Baths. Being dressed and undressed. Diapers. Pacifiers. Onesies. The crib. The race car bed. Spankings when I was naughty. Maybe other stuff, too, if he would teach me. He had it all and I wanted it to be me who used those things, who made all that extra special furniture mine.

However, I would never be able to do whippings or anything like that. Would Max see my scars as limitations? What if he wanted that sort of thing and I wasn’t able to give it?

It scared me.

“Sweetheart, I need to get back to work. But we need to talk more. Lunch?”

“Yes, Daddy,” I whispered. “I thought we would do that automatically.”

“Good.”

Max got up. He looked at me, eyebrows narrowed. “I’m sensing something from you. We’re going to talk, okay?”

“I want to.”

The rest of the morning passed by far too slowly.

We gotsandwiches and drinks from the deli downstairs, then went up to the roof. The patio there was rarely used, but it was glass enclosed with a heater, so the winter cold didn’t seep in.

As we walked in, the view the city and swirls of big clouds was awesome. Sunlight tried with all its might to push through those clouds, making them glow. I loved a winter sky.

“I missed you,” Max said.

“It’s only been two hours.”

“That’s a long time not to see your beautiful face.”

My body went hot all over. Everything inside me seemed to gush. “I missed you, too, Daddy.”

Abruptly, Max made a statement. “I want you to come over tonight.”

“It’s a work night, though.”

“I don’t care. I hated spending Sunday night alone last night.”

We’d only spent one night together. Saturday. But he was right. Sunday night, even surrounded by my collection of stuffed animals, I had felt lonely.

“Daddy, I like sleeping with you.”

“Whew. Glad to hear it.” He put a hand on his chest, rubbing. “It’s settled. You’ll go home, pack some things, and drive over. No dawdling.”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t want to miss a minute with you.”

He reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

All this happening was amazing. A couple weeks ago, I didn’t even know Max existed. I never thought I’d share my baby fantasies with anyone. At least, not all of them. But Max made me want to share everything. Just open up and let everything pour out. Because he would take care of it all. He would organize, feed, play with and comfort all my built-up longings. It made me think I didn’t have to be afraid because of my scars. He would know how to react, and what to do to make me safe.

When the day ended, I literally ran to my car. Rush hour traffic had me banging on the steering wheel and yelling, “Hurry up. I have a daddy waiting for me!”

I rushed about my house re-packing all the things I’d brought over Saturday night. I added clean work clothes for the next day.

I reached Max’s house less than an hour after getting off work. The December wind had gotten colder. I reached for my bag from the back of my car but suddenly there was another hand. And warmth.

“I’ve got that, baby.” Max grabbed my bag.

I turned into him. With my bag in his hand, he leaned in and kissed me. I closed my hatch and wrapped my arms around him.

Max kept kissing me as he softly laughed, which made my lips tremble. He broke away. “Let’s get you inside where it’s warm.”

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