Page 68 of A Scoring Chance

“Yes. I’m fine. I promise. If I have a hard time breathing or moving, I will let you and Coach know. If neither of you aren’t around, I’ll tell the closest adult. If there’s no adult I trust around, I’ll call Nanny or Auntie Mel. When all else fails, I’ll call Auntie Li, but only after trying to get a hold of you again.”

“I think you may have given him this speech one too many times. He can practically repeat the entire thing back to you verbatim.”

“No one asked you,” I snap at Cooper before turning back to Darius.

I can’t help being worried about him. Imani left him in my care. To love and protect in her stead now that she isn’t around. And he’s making it pretty damn hard to do that when he comeshome with new bruises or sprains weekly from hockey. I had a bad feeling about him playing a full-contact sport, but I can’t say I regret letting him sign up. If he hadn’t, who knows what would’ve happened between Cooper and me? He’d probably be some hot guy I flirted with on his way into town instead of one of the most important people in my life.

“Come on, Rambo.” I smack him hard on the shoulder.

“Sorry, Beauty. But you really do need to loosen up on the reins a little. Take it from someone who was once a pre-teen boy. The more you hover, the less likely we’ll be to confide in you when it truly matters.”

Why do I feel like what he said has nothing to do with what just happened at the game? My eyes flick to Darius, looking for any signs that what Cooper said bothered him, but I can’t find anything. His attention is focused out the window, watching the scenery go by as we head home.

“Okay. Okay. I’ll stop hovering tomorrow. Today, I need to make sure he gets home and rests. I already placed an order from his favorite Ramen shop a few towns over. I’ll go grab it once we have him settled at home.”

“You’re staying?” Cooper asks, the question hanging over my head like a guillotine.

It didn’t dawn on me to tell Cooper that I’d have to cancel our date tonight now that Darius is hurt. He needs me to be there. Fuck, I need to be there. The idea of going into the city and not being there if he needs something terrifies me. My mind races with all the horrible possibilities of what could happen without me around. Alise and Ms. Melanie were going to come sit with Ma so we didn’t have to rush home, but I already texted Alise to cancel. Are the other strong women in my life capable of handling anything he might need? Yes, but they aren’t me.

“Darius is hurt.” My hand rubs at the spot over my heart, which is pounding loudly in my chest.

I can feel the telltale signs of my anxiety beginning to bubble to the surface. I can’t leave him. I can’t. I need to know he’s okay. That nothing bad has happened to him. I can’t lose someone else. Not again and not him. If something happened to Darius… fuck. My hand holding my shirt tightens as I try to focus on the things around me.

Five things I can feel.The fabric of my shirt. My nails digging into the flesh of my palm. Pain. Loss.God damn it. It’s not working.My eyes clench shut tightly as the panic swells in my chest, threatening to pull me under, but I need to hold on. But suddenly, it all vanishes, and my eyes fly open.

Cooper’s hand is gripping mine tightly, his thumb brushing over my clenched fist in soothing circles. “Darius is fine.” The soothing tone of his voice allows my body to relax, the tension working its way out of my muscles. After a few minutes, my breathing evens out. I chance a glance at Cooper, and his eyes flick toward mine, asking me if I’m okay.

“Darius can hear you.” The sound of Darius’ exasperated sigh breaks our staring contest. “I’m fine. I don’t need anything right now besides some more Tylenol, food, and my bed. What are you going to do?”

“I need to be there in case you wake up and need something.”

Even though I know this is a feeble excuse, how do you explain the pain and anxiety I feel at the thought of being away from him right now? That the thought of something happening to him or not being able to protect him from everything is unbearable? Yes, I realistically know this isn’t possible. Anything could happen to him at any point in time, whether or not I’m there, but emotionally, I can’t get past the anxiety of not stopping what I can. It’s my fault his mother and grandfather are gone. The least I can do is protect him from everything I can.

“What are Auntie Li, Auntie Mel, and Nanny? Chopped liver?”

“But…”

“But nothing. I refuse to let you use me as an excuse to cancel your date tonight. You’ve been looking forward to it for days.”

“How do you know that?” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. This isn’t good.

Do I care that Darius can hear my conversations with Alise? Not one bit. She’s my best friend, and we share almost everything. But what I’m more concerned about is him overhearing any of my and Cooper’s conversations over the last few weeks. Let’s just say that not all of them were rated PG, if you get what I’m saying. We haven’t spent much time together since our impromptu sleepover on my birthday, but our need for each other hasn’t lessened one bit.

“I have ears. If you don’t want people to hear your conversation, you should probably stop talking to Auntie Li on speakerphone,” Darius grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest and then wincing.

My eyes flick to Cooper, and I want to smack the smug smile off his face. Now he knows everything, well not everything, but more than I intended for him to know right now. Short story, I’m falling for him and fast. I can’t pinpoint when it started, but it was as if I woke up one morning and my heart knew that it was going to belong to him. I’ve spent many conversations with Alise trying to rationalize my feelings, to force my head to understand what my heart already knows. It’s too fucking soon. But that’s a problem for a different day.

Right now, I need to focus on making sure Darius gets better and research better pads for hockey players. I know I can’t convince Darius to stop playing hockey, but my heart can’t take much more of these injuries.

“It’s not polite to listen to others’ conversations,” Cooper chimes in, refocusing my mind on the topic at hand.

“I understand and I’m sorry, but she needs to go on this date. You both do. You aren’t as grumpy after you guys spend time together. Don’t think we didn’t notice you let us off easy after the game today.” Darius shifts his body toward mine, his eyes blazing with the conviction of his words. “You can’t keep spending all your time with me and Nanny or you’ll end up an old cat lady still living with their mother with nothing to show for your life.”

“Ouch.” Cooper covers his laugh with a cough. “I think what Darius is trying to say is that you’re allowed to have a life, Ramona. One that doesn’t revolve around Darius.”

Darius leans forward, wincing slightly as he bumps Cooper on the shoulder. “Yeah, that.”

I know both of them are right, and maybe I can do something about that tomorrow. I’ve been working with my therapist on finding a good balance between what my family needs and what I need for myself, but I probably need to try harder. If the people in my life are commenting on it, then things might be worse than I thought. I need to unpack that some more before finding a healthy path forward. My therapist will definitely earn her paycheck in the coming weeks.

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