Page 44 of A Scoring Chance

“You and I both know Ollie can’t keep his mouth shut. You called him out of everyone you know in the city because you wanted me to find out, didn’t you?”

“And why the fuck would I do that?” My head snaps toward him as I try to make sense of what he’s asking me.

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

I drop my elbows to rest on my knees and really think about what Beau is asking me. Did I purposely call Ollie to make sure someone knew that Ramona was here with me? Am I trying to sabotage whatever this is between the two of us before it can even get started? My eyes track the rain droplets trickling down the windowpane.

“Your point?”

I want to argue with him, but I can’t because he’s right. I more than just like Beauty. Do I love her? No, not yet. But I could foresee myself falling for her. It would be easy, like breathing, and there would be nothing I could do to stop it from happening. And honestly, I’m probably already on my way to falling for her.

“I’m happy for you. There’s way more to life than hockey, and it seems you’re finally learning that.”

Happy? Happiness isn’t a luxury I can have, not yet, at least. I need to continue to atone for everything I put my family through. Dad was everything to all of us, and it was my selfishness that took him away from us. I can’t let it get in the way again, not before I bring this family back together. But does it have to be one or the other? Can I carve out a little piece of happiness in the world with Ramona before I can make that happen? I don’t know. Maybe if I can get Cole to talk to me this weekend, we can start working towards mending things between us. We both said some hurtful things to each other the night he left our childhood home and haven’t spoken much since.

I’ve tried to apologize many times over the years, but he isn’t having it. Beau has hinted a few times at what might be the issue but won’t come out and just tell me what to do. He doesn’t want to betray our younger brother’s trust. He doesn’t want to pick sides because he loves us both, but the fact we spend so much time together has put a strain on his and Cole’s relationship, as well. How can I be happy when my family is still torn apart? It’s been my job to keep us together since Dad is gone, and I’ve been doing a shitty job of it. How can I allow myself to be focused on anything else but that?

“But be careful. Her life is in Redwood Falls, and for right now, yours is here, unless you have made some decision I’m not aware of.” Beau claps me on the back, bringing me back to the present.

“No. I need to get back on the ice… You know why.”

“I get it, but as I’ve said before, it’s not your responsibility to hold this family together. Cole walked out on us. He made his choice, and now we all have to respect that until he’s ready to let us all back in.”

“But it’s—” I begin, but Beau cuts me off with a groan.

“If you say it’s your fault, I’m going to punch you.”

Beau punches me hard in the shoulder anyway before pushing to his feet. This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation, and I can guarantee it won’t be the last. Not until I can get through to Cole and bring this family back together. The only real question now is how.

“Look, you have no more control over another person’s decisions about their life than you do the weather.”

I know this. I do, but there is a part of me that believes Cole’s distance from the family is my doing. Everything that’s happened since my fifteenth birthday is my fault. If I had listened to my gut and made my parents believe that I really wanted to stay home and hang out for my birthday, Dad would still be here. He could’ve gotten Cole to listen and go to college first. He would’ve known exactly how to hold this family together. I know nothing. I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants since that day.

I know I don’t deserve happiness, not until I fix the mess I’ve made, but here I am, grasping at the small sliver of happiness I’ve found with Ramona. For the first time in fifteen years, there’s something on my mind besides my family and hockey. Something that I want for myself, not because it will benefit my family. Whenever I’m around Beauty, I don’t feel like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Yes, I want to protect her from her own demons, but selfishly, I want her to help protect me from my own.

My focus turns out the door toward the back of the house, where Ramona is taking a shower. I need to be honest with her. Lay all my cards on the table. She needs to know how broken I am and how I know I don’t deserve a chance to figure out whatever this is between us, but I’m willing to try.

“Happiness looks good on you, brother.” Beau drops back down on the couch, throwing his arm over my shoulder and pulling me in for a side hug. “But you know I’m gonna need to tell Momma.”

Of course, the little shit can’t leave well enough alone. The joys of having a younger brother, I guess. “No, you don’t, because you’ll all meet her and her son tomorrow at the game.”

“Maybe I should call Alise instead?”

“She’s Alise’s best friend.”

“Jesus, Coop.” Beau runs his hand through his hair, flopping back onto the couch.

“I know. I know. Now get out before I make a phone call of my own and spill all your secrets.”

“I’m going.”

He raises his hands in surrender before pushing to his feet. He knows the way to the door, but I’m eager to get back to my Beauty, so I follow behind him. “Can you head into the park, toward the International Rose Test Garden, and grab Ollie’s picnic basket? I dropped it near a bench.”

His hand freezes mid-motion as he reaches for the door. “You dropped it near a bench? How the hell did you manage—you know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know. I’m keeping the food. I’m starving and you have nothing to eat.”

“I have plenty to eat. I just don’t have any of that crap you like to fill your body with.”

“I’m a fine-tuned athletic machine. Eating chips and drinking beer every once in a while won’t kill me.”

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