Page 104 of A Scoring Chance

“You’re sorry? You’re fucking sorry?” He growls, twisting the cap onto the bottle before dropping it to the floor. “Do you have any idea how I felt seeing you like that? Seeing my big brother, who has always conquered the world for me, broken and bleeding on his bathroom floor?”

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, not knowing what else to say to him. Maybe this is just more penance from the universe.

I let my brother down yesterday. Instead of backing him up when he went after Crosby at practice, I berated him for sticking up for our family. Sure, I’d made sure that Coach didn’t comedown too hard on him, but I can see in his eyes that he’d take a million days of suspension if it meant knowing in his heart that he could depend on me to support him, no matter what. Like a big brother should. And now he’s finally discovered my dirty little secret. He knows that I’m weak and can’t protect the people I care about most in the world.

“Fuck you, Coop.” He pulls his arm back and swings, just missing my chin.

“If you want to hit me, hit me. I deserve it. I did it again. I let my selfishness get the better of me, and the universe has taken something important from me again.”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

“This is just like Dad all over again. If I hadn’t made a big deal about going on the camping trip, he’d still be here.”

“Cooper. It’s not your fault Dad died.” Tears pool in his eyes as he begs for me to listen to him, but I know better.

“Yes, it was. I know his fall was an accident, but if we hadn’t been up there… The only reason we were on the mountain that day is because I wouldn’t let it go. I had to go on my birthday camping trip.”

“No. Cooper. Didn’t anyone ever tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

I remember everything that happened the day Dad died. It’s been ingrained in my mind since that night. I remember what we had for breakfast and what color the shirt Dad had on that day. How could there be anything I missed?

“Dad died of a heart attack. Yes, he fell from the cliff when he slipped, but only after he had the heart attack. He was dead before his body even went over the edge.”

“No.” I vaguely remember someone saying something about it being an accident and it was probably his time, but right until this moment, I never processed it.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I heard Mom telling Aunt Peggy herself. You know how much I loved to eavesdrop when we were younger.”

Even if it wasn’t completely my fault about Dad, I did this to Ramona. No matter how he swings it, she is hurt because of me. He grabs both of my arms, lifting them so the glass creates tiny prisms on my walls.

“You need to stop fucking beating yourself up about things you couldn’t control. It’s not your fault Dad had a heart attack. It's not your fault someone leaked a bullshit story to the press that there was some love triangle between the three of us, along with your home address.”

Someone called the paps?Motherfucker. Annamarie said I’d regret turning her down. I assumed she’d do something drastic, like going after Ramona directly, but I should’ve known that’s not her style. Annamarie loves to work behind the scenes, making sure that nothing short of a taped confession can link her to the crime.

“Were you trying to hurt yourself?” Beau lets my hands go, taking a seat on the edge of the bed again and motioning for me to follow him.

I sink down onto the bed, raising my arm so he can continue removing the pieces of glass. “I don’t know.”

I answer him honestly. I’m so tired of fighting to hide the demons that lurk in my mind. Beau reminding me that my father’s death wasn’t slightly my fault has me wondering what else I got wrong. Is there anything else lurking in the shadows of my mind that is stopping me from moving forward? I originally thought my beauty was lighting up my life, chasing the demons away, but they keep coming back. Maybe it’s finally my time to put in the work and become better for not only myself, but Ramona, as well.

“I think I need to go back to therapy.”

“I agree.” He continues picking the glass from my skin, cleaning each area as he goes. We don’t say anything else to each other, both of us trying to process everything that happened today.

The final shard falls into the cup, and Beau leans back, turning each arm left and right to make sure he didn’t miss any pieces. “I’ll grab the first aid kit out of the kitchen and wrap your arms with the gauze. We’ll have to have someone check them out when we go to see Ramona.”

“Is she okay?” Shame settles on my shoulder again for what happened, but I don’t give in. The struggle to keep my head from sinking into the darkness is hard, but I stay present as he checks his phone.

“Alise just texted. Ramona has a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and a sprained ankle, but other than that, everything is going to be okay.”

Every muscle in my body relaxes as I fall back onto the bed. “Thank fuck.”

Throwing my arms over my eyes, I allow the tears to fall. Beau doesn’t say a word, just lays his hand on my shoulder and allows me the time I need to regain my composure. His phone chimes in his lap, and he laughs loudly. “Alise said, and I quote, ‘If Cooper is doing any of his pussy-ass whiny bitch shit, tell him to man up. Our girl needs him.’”

“That sounds like something she’d say.” I sniffle, turning my head to look at Beau. “I need to call Remy and see what the fuck is going on.”

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