Page 55 of The Drummer's Heart

“That makes me so freaking happy. I know how much she’s missed you. I’m glad I wasn’t here, if it gave you a chance to talk to her.”

“Yeah, it surprised me how easy it was to open up to her. I can’t believe she’s twenty-four. We’re only seven years apart, but I still see her as the eleven-year-old she was when you and I started dating.”

“Sadly, I do, too, which makes it a problem if I ever meet any of her boyfriends.”

“I definitely fear for any man who hurts her.”

“She’s gonna be Tristan and Emily’s wedding photographer, you know,” he said proudly.

“Oh, no way.” I smiled. “She was telling me she’s been doing a lot of weddings but wants to get into more journalistic stuff.”

“Yeah, she’s really talented. Have you seen her photos?”

“I follow her social media, yeah. She’s definitely found her calling.” I paused. “Just like her uncle, who followed his dream and made it happen. Even after everything, I’m so damn proud of you, Atticus. I don’t say that enough.”

“Well, you were the person who made me believe in myself enough to stick with it.” He smiled sadly. “It’s hard for me to appreciate my career sometimes with how complicated it’s made my life.”

“Imade it complicated when it didn’t have to be. My own fears. You’re an amazing musician. Don’t ever regret following your dream.”

His stare was incendiary. “Don’t you realizeyouwere my dream?”

I froze. His words cut straight to my heart.

“You couldn’t help your fears. I just wish…” He trailed off. “Well, I wish a lot of things.”

There was torment in his eyes. Maybe he’d already figured this out about me, but it felt like a long-overdue explanation. I took a deep breath. “One of the things Kenzie and I talked about today was my dad. How I thought his cheating on my mother had given me trust issues.”

Atticus blinked. “I’m surprised you went there with her.”

“Me, too. I guess when you’re around the right person, it brings out certain emotions. It was strange to talk about it with someone I hadn’t seen for years. But maybe that made it easier.”

“Well, I can see why you feel she’s easy to talk to. She’s like Tina in that way.”

“You and I have never really discussed my father in great detail, the way he’s impacted my life. There’s a lot I’ve figured out over the past few years, but I think I need to follow your lead and see a therapist. That seems like it might help.”

“I think that’s a great idea. I’ve always figured your dad had something to do with your fears about our marriage. How can you not have trust issues when the man you trusted the most failed you?” He nodded. “I get it, Nicole. I never pushed you to talk about it because I knew how much it upset you. But even before you brought it up just now…I knew the connection.”

I shook my head. “I felt bad for even mentioning my father to Kenzie. It hit me afterward that I’d been complaining about my dad when she didn’t have hers. But I didn’t have time to apologize for that because the call about Louise came in. I—”

“I’m sure she didn’t see it that way, but I get what you mean.” He sighed. “I think about Tina and Brian a lot, whenever I find myself lamenting what happened with us. As painful as it’s been being apart from you, at least I can stillseeyou. You know? I can still be here like this and look into your eyes. See you smile back at me—sometimes, when I’m lucky. And even laugh with you. I’ll take anything I can get over nothing at all, no matter how painful it sometimes feels. That’s why I don’t want this time here to end.”

“But it will,” I whispered.

Atticus took my hand. “Ever since we broke up, I’ve looked forward to going on tour more than anything because there’s nothing worse than being home without you. Home was alwayswhere you were. And it doesn’t matter if I’m at my house in L.A. that you’ve never been to, or our old apartment in New York, being in one place just reminds me of the emptiness I’ve felt since losing you.” He looked away. “But on tour, everything is erratic and moving, and it doesn’t give me a chance to think. On tour I’m someone else. Which is just as well because there is no me without you. Being here? This is the first time in a long while I’ve wanted to stay in one place. But it’s only because you’re here.”

My fingers tingled as I yearned to touch him. Eventually I gave in and ran my hand through his hair. “Atticus…” I whispered.

“Fuck.” He bent his head back. “You touching me feels so good.” He exhaled and shut his eyes. “The other night, you were calling my name…”

My hand froze. “What do you mean?”

“In your sleep…you kept calling my name over and over.”

I had no recollection of that, but given the lack of mischievous look on his face, I had a feeling that this time, he was telling the truth about my sleep talking. I swallowed. “I was?”

“Yeah…”

“Was that it?”

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