Page 42 of The Drummer's Heart

“She wasn’t happy, but she accepted it. I think she realizes she’s better off. I’m relieved because she deserves to find someone who can give her the time and attention she needs. It was never anything more than…” He hesitated, seeming to catch himself.

“Yeah…” I rolled my eyes, feeling sick. “Say no more.”

He exhaled. “But then after she left, as luck would have it, my sister walked into the bar and reamed me a new asshole for not telling her I was in town. You know Tina. She wouldn’t let me go. So that’s why I’m late.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Tina. I’d always loved her and her kids. For a long time, I’d looked at Tina like a sister, and her daughter, Kenzie, as my own niece.

“How is she?”

“She’s okay.”

“You should’ve told her you were in town from the beginning. Not sure how you thought you were gonna be able to get away with that. Someone was bound to find you.”

He shrugged. “I wanted to be able to focus on Mimi. If my family knew I was here, they wouldn’t leave me alone. There’s plenty of time to see them after Mimi’s aide comes back.”

“So…you’re gonna stay in town for a while after this is over?”

“For a little while. I’m not totally sure. Eventually I have to get back to L.A. so we can start recording. I won’t have an opportunity to come home for a while after that, either, because we’ll go on tour.”

“I see.” I bit my bottom lip.

“What’s that look for?”

“Nothing…”

“As soon as I mentioned the tour, your face changed.”

He was right. Just the wordtourtriggered me. It brought visions of Atticus doing God knows what with God knows who. Atticus had been with a lot of women since me, and there wasn’t one time I’d thought about that and not felt sick. But even before that lifestyle became a reality for him, my fear of it contributed to our end.

“You ended things with Riley so you don’t have to feel guilty for screwing around on tour anymore?” I blurted.

His expression went from concern to anger. “Yeah, Nicole. That’s exactly it,” he snapped.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered, attempting to backtrack.

“No, by all means. It’s the truth, right? I’m nothing but an out-of-control manwhore without a soul. That’s how you see me.” He walked toward me, causing my blood to pump faster. “Well, I’ve got news for you.” He paused. “I became the very man you feared I would. But I wasneverthat person when we were together. Not even close. But after you ended things for good, I had to turn to other people to try to get over you. It wasn’t going to be alcohol or drugs, so it was women. When you started dating Julian, I needed to forget reality.” He paused for a moment, gritting his teeth. “And no…ending things with Riley had nothing to do with needing more freedom to fuck around. Sadly, she was always aware of my activities on tour and didn’t seem to care so long as I hung out with her when I came back toL.A. She didn’t seem to care about anything—until she saw me photographed with you.”

I wouldn’t look at him. “Well, she had nothing to worry about there, did she?”

He inched closer, and now I could feel his breath on my face. “If you’re implying that I no longer have feelings for you, you’re mistaken. And you’re forgetting thatI’mnot the one of us in a committed relationship.” He tilted his head. “How is Julian, by the way? We haven’t talked about him much. But since you seem to think I’m the insensitive prick here, we might as well talk about howhetook advantage of our pain and made it his prize.”

My stomach dropped at the mention of Julian. I’d known exactly what I was doing when I let Atticus’s former friend into my life, let him help me heal from the pain of my divorce. I’d known Atticus would be devastated when he found out. Yet I’d allowed it anyway, hoping that would cancel my own devastation over what had finally ended us for good. It was something I’d always regret. It had been a mistake.

“You don’t like it when I bring him up, do you?” His voice trembled. “I don’t like it, either. I wish it were a nightmare I could wake up from.”

I hadn’t been ready to admit what happened with Julian and me—I was still using him as a shield. It felt like without the idea of him, I was too vulnerable. Without Julian, my heart was still in the place it had been when my marriage ended. But right now, I couldn’t stand the hurt in my ex-husband’s eyes. I needed to ease the pain I knew he was feeling right now at the mere mention of Julian’s name.

I needed to tell Atticus the truth.

“I’m not with him anymore,” I admitted.

My revelation, though, only seemed to make him angrier.

Atticus gritted his teeth. “What did he fucking do? I’ll kill him if he hurt you. I—”

“No.” I placed my hand on his chest. “He didn’t do anything. I ended it.”

His erratic breaths softened. “Why?”

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