Page 95 of The Drummer's Heart

She shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”

***

The following day, we were able to get an appointment at an OBGYN’s office in Beverly Hills. While I generally tried not to abuse my celebrity status, I had no problem throwing my name around to get Nicole seen before I had to leave.

After seeing the doctor, who confirmed she was, in fact, pregnant, we were taken to an ultrasound room. I’d never attended a prenatal doctor’s appointment, so this was the first time I’d see my child on a screen.

“Nicole is far enough along to determine the gender,” the tech said. “Is that something you both want?”

“Definitely not,” Nicole said at almost the same moment I said, “Yes!”

My eyes widened as we looked at each other. “You don’t want to know?”

“No, I don’t. I like the idea of being surprised for my first one. Youwantto know?”

“Yeah. I mean, I wouldloveto know. But if you don’t want to, I’m good with waiting.”

“Well, let’s get started,” the woman interrupted. “And unless one of you tells me you want to know, I won’t reveal anything.”

A grainy image appeared on the screen as the tech moved the wand around Nicole’s stomach. A moment later, I saw the tiny flickering heartbeat. A little hand, the gentle curve of its head.

Emotion rushed through me as I realized everything that had happened to us in the past few years had brought us right here. To this moment. To this heartbeat. A part of Nicole and a part of me and the personification of our love. I’d been given a second lease on life. I just hoped Nicole felt the same. I squeezed her hand. “That’s our baby.”

She whispered, “I can’t believe it.”

The tech confirmed that Nicole was indeed past her first trimester and printed us out some pictures. I could’ve stayed in this room watching our child all day.

Exiting the ultrasound room, I felt like I was walking on air. Yet today was also a bittersweet reminder of the work I still had to do rebuilding Nicole’s trust. That mattered now more than ever. Our child’s life depended on it.

As we left the building, I wrapped my arm around her. “Let’s get ice cream.”

She laughed. “That’s random.”

“We should celebrate.”

“Okay. I’m not gonna refuse. Ice cream sounds really good.”

I took Nicole to a little ice cream place off the beaten path about thirty minutes outside L.A. No one recognized me, which was freaking glorious.

She and I took our cones out to a bench under a tree. There was a warm breeze. It still felt like I could wake up at any moment and realize this was all a dream. She glided her tongue along the side of her cone and moaned as if eating it rivaled the best sex of her life. I chuckled.

“Why are you not eating?” she asked.

My cone was basically just sitting in my hand, melting. “Sorry. I was busy watching you.”

“Watching the hungry pregnant lady eat ice cream is a spectacle?”

“A blessing is what it is.” I finally took a bite of my cone. “Tell me how you’re feeling right now—besides ravenous.”

Nicole licked ice cream off the corner of her mouth. “I’m happy, but also overwhelmed.”

“I can sense the latter. Don’t forget I know you. While I want you to be as happy as I am right now, I’m not naïve enough to think everything that we’ve been working through is just magically fixed because you’re pregnant. In many ways, I’m more scared than ever to lose you now.”

“Why?”

“I’d never want you to feel stuck with me.”

She nodded, but stayed silent, taking another bite of her cone before she finally spoke. “When I imagined having kids, I never saw myself raising them alone while their dad was on the road much of the year.”

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