Page 83 of The Drummer's Heart

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“That’s the thing… One of the reasons I called you for this session is because she and I reconnected—yet again—when she came out here for Tristan’s wedding a couple of weeks ago. That was the first time I’d seen her since we left each other in New Jersey. Without getting into too much detail…one thing led to another.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“It was the first time we’d taken things that far, and before she left L.A., she said she wanted to meet Christian. That’s a huge step for her.”

“I should say. And a huge step foryou. When do you think she’ll meet him?”

“Well, I’m stuck out here recording for a while. So, hopefully when I’m able to get back to New York, if she hasn’t changed her mind.”

“You must be ecstatic.” She smiled. “That she’s open to it.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Just the opposite. Because now that she’s facing everything head on, she might decide she really can’t handle it. And then what?”

CHAPTER 29

NICOLE

Atticus had told me Christian had a sitter on Tuesdays and Thursdays who took him to a small playground around the corner from Giselle’s house in Queens. He said they went religiously, even in the middle of winter. It was the only way Christian could get out all of his energy. According to him, they usually went around three PM, after Christian woke up from his nap.

It had been almost three months now since the wedding in California. Atticus and I had talked a lot over the phone, and he kept suggesting that when I was ready, I could go to that park and see his son without having to meet Giselle, if I preferred, as a way to ease myself into the situation. Meeting Giselle right away definitely wasn’t something I wanted, but thus far I hadn’t been brave enough to visit the playground, either.

I wasn’t sure what possessed me to choose this particular Tuesday in the middle of January. But I’d been at the salon when I suddenly felt the urge to get it over with—as if that’s a possibility when it comes to meeting a little human who’s also the thing I fear most in this world.

But I canceled my appointments for the rest of the day and headed to Queens.

The train ride over felt like one big blur. As I walked down the residential street, following the directions on my phone, I became more nervous with each step. I passed a café filled with people, for a moment considering whether I should just goinside, have a cup of coffee and a croissant, and forget the reason I came here. It was a bit crazy to be stalking an innocent toddler, wasn’t it? Or was I just trying to convince myself of that because I was scared?

When I arrived, there were only a few children at the playground. Two of them were older, more like ten. Then I saw one little boy running around while a woman watched.

I couldn’t be sure it was Christian until I moved a bit closer. Atticus had shown me a photo of him back in L.A. My heart clenched at the sight of the little boy with beautiful, big eyes, full lips, and thick, caramel-brown curls. His cheeks were rosy from the cold air. I’d seen photos of Atticus when he was around the same age. He’d had the same hair. This little boywasAtticus. There was no mistaking that this was his son.

After several minutes of watching him, I turned to find the woman watching me. She had obviously noticed my staring, which made me nervous. I didn’t want her to think I was a weirdo. While my original plan had been to not say anything at all, I opted to try to explain what I imagined seemed like very odd behavior.

I took a few steps toward her and fumbled with my words. “Hi. I’m—”

“I know who you are,” she interrupted.

My eyes widened. “You do?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve seen photos of you.”

“You have?” My heart raced.

“Yes.”

It took a minute for me to realize this wasnotthe babysitter.

This was Christian’s mother.

Giselle.

The woman Atticus had slept with.

And while he’d been with several other women since, this was the one responsible for the permanent demise of our relationship.

“You’re Giselle…” I finally said.

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