Page 68 of The Drummer's Heart

I rushed back from the recording studio the moment Nicole told me she’d bought a pregnancy test. We had always used protection—with the exception of one time. Hence our current situation. She’d been meaning to go on the pill but had been reluctant to start it, fearing how her body might handle it. And we’d slipped and had sex without a condom.

We’d just moved to a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn to be closer to where the guys and I had been recording. Nicole had started her first official hairstyling gig, and I was waiting tables. We could barely pay the rent, so it seemed impossible to fathom how we’d afford a baby.

My beautiful girlfriend met me at the door, and I followed her back to the bedroom. “Have you checked the test yet?”

“No.” She shook her head, rubbing her arms vigorously. “I’m too scared.”

“I know.” I enveloped her in a hug. “Don’t be scared, baby. I’m here. No matter what happens, we’ll be okay. We have each other, and we’ll get through it.”

She stepped back to look at me. “This is not a good time for us to bring a child into the world. I’m only twenty-two and just getting started at the salon. And you’re finally getting some traction on the music front.”

I shrugged. “It’s not ideal, but is anyone ever truly ready for such a huge thing to happen in their life?”

“We don’t have any money,” she said, looking so discouraged.

I stared into her eyes. “I’ll quit the band if I have to and get a full-time job.”

I’d recently hooked up with two musicians, Tristan Daltrey and Ronan Barber. We’d started a band called Delirious Jones and were currently recording our first demo album.

“That would be horrible if you had to quit now. You shouldn’t even consider that.”

“Well, I’ll do what I have to. It’ll be okay.”

Nicole closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “If I have to go through this with anyone, I’m happy it’s with you.”

“Same, beautiful.” I exhaled. “We should really check the stick, though, so we know what we’re dealing with. But before we do, I want you to know something.”

“What?” She blew out a nervous breath.

“From the moment you and I met, I haven’t wanted anything more thanyou—to be your boyfriend. You might think my music is everything to me, based on how much time I devote to it, but it’s not.Youare. And if that test is positive, you should know that there is nothing more important to me than you and this baby.”

She smiled, and it brought me comfort to know I’d given her a little bit of peace. I’d meant every word.

“Okay.” She took my hand. “Come with me.”

We walked together to the bathroom. The stick lay on the corner of the sink.

My heart raced as she reached for it, looked down, and let out a huge breath. “Oh my God! It’s negative!” A burst of air left her body. “I’m so happy.” She beamed, a look of true relief on her face.

I exhaled slowly as a strange feeling came over me. It definitely wasn’t relief. It felt a lot like…disappointment.

She wrapped her arms around me and tilted her head. “Why do you look sad?”

I blinked, unsure how to explain it. “I don’t know how to feel.”

Nicole searched my face. “You were hoping it was positive?”

“I would’ve been happy if it was, yeah,” I admitted.

She ran her fingers through my hair. “Really?”

I swallowed. “Yes.”

“I didn’t think a baby was something you’d want in your life right now.”

“Just because the timing isn’t ideal doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want it. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of.”

“You’ve never said that before.”

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