Page 37 of The Drummer's Heart

“That’s creepy.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You mean to tell me you’ve never stalked someone’s social media before?”

Only Nicole’s, although she never posted much. I guess I couldn’t blame Riley for stalking me. I couldn’t blame her for being pissed, either. She knew I dated other people, but she’d been around long enough that I owed her the truth. I had nothing to hide, but somehow Ihadbeen trying to hide the fact that Nicole was the family I’d been referring to. I still had feelings for my ex-wife. And I couldn’t admit that to Riley without getting her more upset than she already was.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t clearer about why I was here. Would you have taken it well if I’d told you the truth, though?”

“Probably not. But I would’ve accepted it. What choice do I have when it comes to you? I’ve accepted a lot, like the fact thatour relationship, if you want to call it that, won’t ever go beyond friends with benefits.”

“Are you not happy with our dynamic anymore?” I asked.

Riley crossed her arms. “I’ve never been happy with it.”

I could not handle Riley developing feelings. She’d been a good friend and lover, but it was nothing more than casual for me. Never had been. If she wanted more, she deserved better than to be strung along by a man who would never love her. Maybe now was the time to set her free, even if she wasn’t technically mine to let go of.

“Riley, listen, I don’t want you to hate me. You’ve been a very good friend, and your companionship has helped me through a hard stretch in my life. I’ve appreciated having your company when I’m home in L.A. but also the fact that you never question what I do with my time when we aren’t together. It’s been the perfect situation for me, but not a really fair situation for you, if what you want is someone who prioritizes you. I’ll never be a true boyfriend.” I forced the words out. “Maybe it’s better if we end this now.”

She moved back in her seat. “You’re breaking up with me? Is that what you’re trying to say? Here, in this podunk bar?”

“I’m suggesting that you not waste your time with me anymore because I can’t give you what you need.”

Being around Nicole again had confirmed that I had no room in my heart for anyone else. And if even a piece of my heart was what Riley wanted, this had to end. Because none of it was hers to have.

Her bottom lip quivered. “What if I just want to keep things the way they have been?”

“You really came all the way out here to tell me you want things to stay the way they are? You wouldn’t have come if you didn’t care about me. And you deserve to have that reciprocated.”

She looked away. “God, you’re right.”

I reached for her hand. “Riley, you deserve better thanme. Okay? That’s what I’m trying to say. I could’ve said, ‘Yeah, let’s keep doing what we’re doing when I’m back in L.A. because it’s convenient for me.’ But I don’t want to do that to you. I don’t want to hurt any more people in my life than I already have.”

Riley closed her eyes for several seconds then opened them. “Sadly, I needed this reality check. The moment I saw the photo of you and your ex, I went ballistic. That says something. I guess I’ve been lying to myself.”

It hurt to see her upset. But I didn’t have the bandwidth to give her more of my time. I squeezed her hand. “The last thing I ever wanted was to lead you on. The most honest thing I can tell you is that…if I were you, I wouldn’t waste any more time with me.”

Riley wiped tears from her eyes, further proof that I’d taken this too far.

To my surprise, she eventually flashed a smile. “I wish you weren’t so damn hot.” She chuckled. “I’m gonna miss having sex with you.”

“That’s one area we’ve definitely been compatible. And I don’t regret a second spent with you, Riley.”

She tugged at the hairs on my arm. “You should…come back to my hotel for one last time before we say goodbye.”

While that sounded like a fun way to end things and could have been a solution to my perpetual boner, no part of me actually wanted that. There was only one woman my body, mind, and soul craved right now. Even if it made no sense, given the reality of our relationship—or lack thereof—going to Riley’s hotel would feel like cheating. As long as I was here in Monksville with my ex, I was hers, even if she wasn’t mine. That was the sad reality.

“Are you back together with her?” Riley asked.

“No.”I wish.

“Then why not one last time with me?”

I sighed. “I just…can’t.”

“Okay.” She moved her hand away. “Well, how does one end this conversation? Have a nice life?”

I stood and smiled. “We end it with a hug. Then you leave, and I walk my ass home.”

Opening my arms, I hugged her before placing a chaste kiss on her cheek.

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