Page 31 of The Drummer's Heart

“I’m not perfect, but I’m so much better now. I don’t want you to worry, okay?”

Wiping a tear from my eye, I nodded. Thoughts and questions swirled around my head. “There are things I want to ask you that I’m afraid to—things I want to know but I’m not ready to face.”

He reached for my hand and locked his fingers with mine. “It’s okay.”

“I really want to get there. I feel like I owe it to you. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough yet.”

“You owe me no apologies, baby.” He reached out and wiped my eyes with his thumb. “Do you understand that? You owe me nothing. And every second you give me, it’s a gift.”

Atticus leaned over and kissed my forehead firmly. I closed my eyes, relishing the warmth of his lips on my skin. And even if I yearned for a real kiss, the tenderness he’d given me was what I actually needed right now.

I doubted any man would ever love me the way Atticus did. Least of all, not Julian. But I wasn’t ready to admit to Atticus where things stood with his former friend. Julian—or at least the idea of him—was a safeguard right now, one I needed to keep up more than ever, because I was starting to feel my protection slipping away.

That night, I didn’t turn away from him in bed as I normally did. Instead, I curled my body into his, falling asleep to the sound and feel of his gentle breaths.

CHAPTER 10

NICOLE

PAST

I looked forward to Friday nights more than anything—not just because the long school week would be coming to an end, but because I’d be seeing Atticus.

I was what you’d call a good girl, for the most part—toogood, some would say, a virgin who attended an all-girls’ Catholic school. I studied hard and tried my best to do the right thing. But Friday nights down in my cousin’s basement were my reward for all that. Friday nights and the weekend were my guilty pleasure.

It wasn’t just that I got to listen to my favorite drummer practice; I got to hang out with him after. I loved our chats and the way he looked at me, even if I was starting to think all hope was gone when it came to us ever being more than friends.

I’d turned eighteen three weeks ago.

I’d been holding out hope that my age was the only thing keeping Atticus from asking me out, and that maybe when I became a legal adult, he’d make a move. But we’d hung out twice since my birthday, and nothing had changed between us.

Had I been a fool, holding out for him all this time?

I tried to tell myself it was for the best since I’d be going away to college, but that didn’t help. I still only had eyes for him. My crush on Atticus Marchetti was the most insidious thing I’d ever experienced.

Finally, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. At the end of this particular Friday night, I was going to ask Atticus out. If herejected me, at least it would save me months of anguish waiting for him to make a move. At least I’d know where he stood.

But when I arrived at my cousin’s basement that night, I got a rude awakening: Atticus had brought a girl. I didn’t realize she waswithhim at first. The girl was sitting on the couch, but I’d never seen her before. A sinking feeling developed in my stomach because she was really pretty.

“Hi,” she said. “I’m Kayla.”

“I’m Nicole.”

“How do you know the guys?” she asked.

“I’m Cassius’s cousin. Who are you?”

“I’m Atticus’s date.”

Excuse me?My cheeks burned. “I didn’t…know he was dating anyone.”

“We’ve gone out a few times now, yeah.”

The room swayed as a rush of heat shot through my body. Not only did jealousy consume me, I also felt deflated given what my plans for tonight had been. How much time had I wasted over the past couple of years, fantasizing about the day he’d finally come around?

Was this my fault? Should I have told him how I felt about him sooner? Or maybe he just never felt the same about me?

Kayla and I made small talk as the guys practiced. I did a pretty good job of pretending like my world wasn’t ending. I kept my eyes fixed on Atticus’s amazing hand movements as I normally did, getting lost in the beats and crashes of the cymbals. He commanded attention even when I was pissed.

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