Page 19 of The Drummer's Heart

She looked away. “I don’t know…”

I placed my hand on her chin, moving her face to look at me again. “You used to beg me to touch you.”

She licked her lips, and it made me yearn to do the same, to taste her again.

“For the record, Nicole, I willnevernot be yours to touch. Nor would I be able to pretend for a second that I don’t want you to touchme. You never have to ask permission.” My chest pressed into hers. “You were looking at me our first night here like youwantedto touch me. When I came out of the shower, I could see it in your eyes. Desire. You weren’t happy about it, but it was there. Tell me I’m wrong.”

My dick hardened even more as she licked her lips again. I spoke close to her mouth. “Was that my imagination? I don’t think it was. You’re forgetting how well I know you. I know you inside and out, every inch of your body. And while someone else may be borrowing you, I think deep down you know who you belong to.” We breathed together for a moment. “Other women have borrowed my body since we’ve been apart, but I have never once, not for one second, not belonged toyou.You won’t admit it, but you feel the same. It’s why we’re so fucked up. We both want something we can’t have anymore. But even if we’re not physically together, I’m yours. That’s never changed. I’llalwaysbe yours, Nicole. Whether you like it or not.”

I moved back suddenly, forcing myself away before I took things even further. I’d done enough.

She stayed in place as I left the room. I moved some things around in the kitchen without purpose, pretending I was doing something other than ruminating on all the words I’d just recklessly unleashed, even if they were the truth.

Then I sensed her behind me, my body instantly, painfully aware of her presence. I turned to her. “I forgot to mention that I’m gonna need to disappear for an hour once a week.”

“Oh yeah?” She arched a brow. “Going to take care of that littlepissingproblem of yours in private?”

“No.”

“Sneaking cigarettes?”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Where are you going for only an hour, then?”

“Actually, I’ll be seeing my shrink during that time.”

“Oh.” Her expression softened. “How long have you been seeing someone?”

“Back when everything went down with us, Doug, the band manager, was worried I wasn’t gonna be able to function with our grueling recording and touring schedule. He insisted I talk to someone. Tristan and Ronan see her, too. But I probably need it the most.”

“You see her every week?”

“Not always. Only during down times when we have breaks. But I recently asked her to fit me in once a week for the time being.” I’d be surprised if Nicole didn’t realizewhyI needed more therapy at the present time.

“I see.” She nodded. “Well, I’m proud of you for seeking help.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.Maybe someday it will help me wrap my head around losing you, although I doubt that.

CHAPTER 6

ATTICUS

PAST

Julian came up behind me after our jam session in Cassius’s basement.

“Do you think Nicole would go out with me if I asked her?”

The question felt like a punch to the gut. A rush of heat shot through my body.

Nicole and I had become very friendly over the past year, and I felt protective of her. But she was still only seventeen now, so it couldn’t be more than that. I’d be damned if one of my friends moved in on her, though. Once she turned eighteen next year, I was considering telling her how I felt. But that wouldn’t be possible if she was with someone else. Over my dead body would it be Julian. That would be worse than anything, having to see them together all the time.

“How wouldIknow whether she wants to go out with you?” I finally answered. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you’re my friend, and I want your opinion…” His eyes narrowed. “Why are you so pissy?”

I deflected. “Don’t you think Cassius would kill you if you made a move on his cousin?”

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