Page 53 of Dead By Dusk

“Don’t thank me. You’re going to live. You’re going to.” The lids of her eyes seem to get heavier as each blink takes longer. The rise of her chest is getting harder and harder to recognize. “Carmen, please. You have to stay awake. I just have to find away to safely remove the blade and stop the bleeding. You’re going to be okay, you have to be okay. You—”

Weakly, she brings her hand to my arm, and I stop talking for a moment at the feeling of her cold, clammy skin covering my own. She says nothing as more tears escape the both of us.

“You’re the only person I can say with certainty I will always love. You’ve always been such a beautiful dreamer and I just—” Tears gather in my eyes, blurring my vision, and I can’t get any more words though my mouth. Can’t seem to get out the words she deserves to hear from someone before life escapes her grasp, but I don’t know how to say them.

“I will thank you. And I will always love you too…I just need you to p-p-promise me some- something.” Her voice is getting smaller now. Her breathing is inconsistent, and her head is getting heavier in my hands like it’s getting too hard to hold it up herself anymore.

“Anything,” I say in a rush, knowing that there is nothing I would deny her anymore. I would promise her anything in this life or the next if it means her last moments can be as peaceful as possible despite the pain.

“Live. Escape, and live. Live a beautiful life and love. For me, don’t deny yourself this anymore.” She looks at me with such clarity and so much pleading that I know this is something she would have wanted for me regardless. Her last words, her last desire in this world before her soul leaves me behind is for my happiness. And for her—only for her, do I know I will find a way to be that. So I just smile at her, nod my head, and move my right hand down to her left, linking our pinkies together for the last time.

“I promise.” It’s then that she lets out one last breath. One last word, a barely there whisper of “okay” before her eyes glass over. Two final tears fall from them as her whole body sags against the tree. Tears continue to slip down my cheeks and intomy mouth. Bringing my lips to her forehead, I give her one final act of affection, a goodbye for the both of us. Then I whisper one more thing. A wish that I hope she somehow is able to hear.

“Dream something beautiful for me.”

And then I scream. The most gut wrenching, soul crushing sound, and I don’t even care who hears it as I fully cradle her lifeless body, rocking her in my arms. Her blood covers most of my own, but I don’t care. I can’t bring myself to care about much of anything as I wrap myself around her and let myself mourn the loss of the most beautifully misunderstood woman I have ever had the pleasure to know.

I couldn’t tell how long I stayed there. I couldn’t tell how long I cried and rocked her body in my arms and prayed for her peace to a God I’m not sure I believe in but know she did. I don’t know how long it took me to crack my eyes open after they had all but swollen shut so I could close her eyes for the last time and watch her dream. I couldn’t say why I whispered to her the whole time. The little “something goods” I always wished someone would tell me when I was little, those were the things I whispered in hopes that maybe her soul lingered nearby to listen to.

It isn’t until a cool breeze brushes across my bare shoulders that I slip back to reality and check my surroundings. A chill sweeps through me and the all-consuming silence that devours me whole while her body lays stiffly in my arms that are now caked in her blood that has long since dried.

Softly, I lift her body off mine and lay it on the ground. Nausea threatens to take over as my stomach roils with the realization that I’m meant to just leave her body here for the bugs to devour.

She deserved better.

More.

She deserved someone who would have been able to save her.

I’m not sure I’d be able to carry her back to the house, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. Even though my bones are weak with exhaustion, I attempt to lift her into my arms. But her limbs are longer than mine, and we’ve been here so long that her body no longer has any free range of motion—each joint incredibly stiff.

Hot tears well in my eyes again as I set her lifeless body back down and push the knotted and filthy strands of hair away from her face and behind her ears before forcing myself to stand, finally walking away from her. Each step gets harder to take than the last, as it just feels wrong to make the journey back to the last place I want to venture on my own. It won’t take long, though. If I decide to run, it would only take five minutes. But I am in no hurry to put distance between her and me. Not when I still feel as if her wound is my own.

Not when my own heart stopped beating with hers.

So I walk.

Slowly.

I painfully feel the growth of distance with each step.

And when I turn back around, she’s nowhere in sight. Her body is nowhere to be seen, and I wish it were because I had unknowingly gone too far, but I’ll never forget the stretch of Earth that soaked every bit of her blood that it could get.

I can now only find solace in the life that will one day bloom in favor of what had been stolen from her.

And for now, that will have to be enough for me…at least, almost enough. I fear, though, that my bones may become a gate for the wasteland that now resides within me. The absence of my withered heart—taken by grief—just might leave my body without a trace of blood to flow through my veins. I may very well become a sorry excuse for a carcass that not even vultures would dare feast upon because I would only taste of the bitterness and sorrow I am now entirely made of.

27

Seven Minutes: Ronan

Running away from the fight didn’t feel right, even though I knew it’s what she would have wanted me to do. The sound of Carmen’s screams filling the air would have done nothing but get Silene killed if she continued to hear them, and I knew she trusted me to save her. But when I followed the sound that pierced the air around me, I realized she was never even there.

Her body was nowhere to be found, but in the place of where it should have been, lay a speaker with the sound of her pain and fear playing over and over again. It was then I remembered the photos of us scattered over the bedroom walls and realized they could have easily recorded us just the same.

But if I had to leave Silene alone, then I was going to make it worth it. That’s what I told myself at least, but that’s not what happened. I never found Carmen, and as the sun sank and the moonlight trickled between the open spaces of the trees, Ireturned to the house to wait. All I could do at the time was hope that Carmen and Silene would both be there when I arrived.

But they weren’t.

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