Page 50 of Dead By Dusk

My lips tremble and air whooshes through me as I realize that love truly is not conditional for everyone. Even after I knew my feelings were my own and that nothing could take that away. Now that I’ve experienced what it’s like to love him and receive his love so freely in return, I’m not so sure anyone would survive taking him from me. Honestly, I don’t think I would survive it, either.

“Tell me something good, Blue” I whisper, and he does. No hesitation at all, he tells stories of what it was like growing up with his family. He told me about his kid genius brother and their family dog—a corgi he named Fish, much to his parents’ dismay. He tells me how angry his parents would get at the dog when he began refusing his dog food at the first sniff of pizza in the house due to how often Ronan and his brother would sneak him bits and pieces when he was a puppy.

His parents take up a great deal of time as he speaks of the example they set for him and his future wife, should he be so lucky. I don’t miss the way he looks at me as he says it. He talks animatedly about anything and everything, and suddenly I feel my heart grow lighter and my future feels a little clearer. Less chaotic and more inevitable.

Even with what’s to come in the next few weeks, I find myself at peace for the first time in what may be my whole life. I know that everything will be okay.

It has to be.

25

We Live: Ronan/ Silene

Ronan:

Waking the next morning to see Silene still asleep with a look similar to peace on her face was not what I was expecting after last night. Not when I had picked her up from where she was frozen in place, emotionally numb and staring at the space where her friend had just stood. Her almost leaving and the resulting confrontation had me worried she would no longer be here when I woke, but now, in the light of day, I think I was wrong to worry.

Maybe she needed to see just how much two people care about her to realize she is important. Being gifted the knowledge of knowing she’s been chosen—not once, but twice. She has to know there can be no more running. Not alone.

Not anymore.

“You ready for this?” I’m startled out of my thoughts by Nate’s voice as he approaches. His wary gaze drifts betweenSilene and me. Thousands of questions go unspoken when I turn away from her completely and slap an arm to his shoulder.

He winces, and I immediately pull back apologizing for hitting his bad shoulder. I’m offered nothing more than a tight lipped smile in response as he stretches his limbs and neck. “I’m not ready. Not really, I don’t think.” I say solemnly. He looks back to me under furrowed brows.

“I’m ready to not worry, of course. I just don’t think I’m ready to find out what comes after,” I admit. He nods, looking around before a smile breaks through and he laughs.

“I don’t think I quite understand. I don’t think the point of getting out of here is to question what comes next. I think what comes next just happens. You breathe and take it one step at a time. Eventually, you’ll understand where it leads. Just appreciate the chance you have to change your outcome,” he says, as his gaze drifts to Carmen.

“And what are you going to do when all is said and done here?” I ask him, as a knowing smirk forms on my face. When he realizes that I caught him staring, he quickly looks away, blushing in a way that makes him appear extremely boyish and young. My hand ruffles his hair, a gesture that feels oddly familiar, and our eyes catch each other’s gaze.

“I think I’m going to take the chance I’ve been given and see about a girl,” he responds, sheepishly turning back to her. I let myself look back to Silene and where she lies on the couch, stretching as she wakes.

“Me too.”

* * *

Silene:

“I’m sorry,” I force out in a rush. I’ve wasted nearly the whole day turning over in my head what to say to her. She has purposely evaded every attempt I made to get closer to her, keeping herself near the others or tucking herself away in the bathroom to shower one last time before we leave the comfort of the home. Finally, I’m close enough to speak, and she stops walking away from me. Her brown hair sways behind her back as she turns to look at me from over her shoulder—any warmth she had previously shown me is gone. All eyes land on us from around the house. Adonis and Nathaniel slow their eating of canned corn in the kitchen while looking over the map, and Ronan stops turning the page he’d just finished reading of one of the books he’d found upstairs.

“I told you that it was already done. There’s nothing left to apologize for,” she replies before continuing on to the room where she slept.

I let out a groan of frustration, fiddling with the hair tie on my wrist while looking around at the men. As my narrowed gaze flickers to each of them, a chorus of clearing throats sound as they continue on with what they were previously doing. But Ronan’s gaze lingers longer than it should with unspoken knowledge of what I’d almost done the night before. A secret it seems he’ll keep from the others without me asking him.

He dips his head in solidarity before returning to his book, and I march into the room behind the young woman, and shut the door behind us. She’s lacing her dirty, worn boots, not paying me any mind. As I approach carefully, she hums in acknowledgement of my presence, but nothing more.

“Can I tell you something?” Her eyes dart up at my question for a moment before looking back down at her nimble fingersslowly tying the laces of her shoes. No words are said, but I take her silence as an invitation to continue.

“You told me a little bit about your family, what you remember of it at least,” I start hesitantly, unsure of where I’m going with this. “I didn’t know what guided me last night as I was doing it. I wrote the letter apologizing in case I didn’t return, but I know if I truly planned on returning, I never would have written such words. I would have left in confidence and returned before anyone woke. Our plan could have changed. We would have been able to leave together.” She keeps her gaze on the floor as she listens, and I have no choice but to keep my train of thought moving.

“You are entitled to your anger,” I confess as I sit next to her, defeated. It takes me by surprise when she intertwines her pinky finger with mine, but something in my chest feels lighter when she does. “I didn’t know if I would come back, but I wanted to believe that I could end this all,” I admit with a long, guilt-filled sigh.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Silene. You never needed to. The plan will work. You still believe that, don’t you?” I smile at her question and belief in all of us, but I would be lying if I said I knew without any hesitation that we will succeed.

“I do believe the plancouldwork, I just worry…” I say hesitantly, eyes flickering to the closed door. She registers the doubtful tone of my voice and waits for me to continue speaking.

“There is still someone here who’s lying, and I may not know what they’re lying about, but I know that—”

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