Page 25 of Dead By Dusk

And suddenly our surroundings become pitch black as a whisper of a touch floats across the skin of my hand. “As you wish, Ronan. Let’s go home.”

12

What You Believe: Ronan/ Silene

Ronan:

Suddenly, we’re in the small little apartment that we called our own. It was away from everything. Her hair is knotted in a messy bun on the top of her head, and she’s wearing one of my old t-shirts with the sleeves cut off, work-out shorts and a sports bra underneath.

“I think this might be my favorite version of home,” she says as she fiddles with the radio by the stove top. Food is splayed everywhere on the counter, but she always said—

“The messier the cook, the better the meal,” she interrupts as she straightens and looks me directly in the eyes. “Now that we’re here, ask what you’re wanting to ask. You don’t have long to do so.” I watch as she heads back towards the counter and begins chopping up onions, tomatoes and bell peppers while the chicken, broth, feta cheese, lemon juice and every other ingredient is pushed to the side.

“Chicken Orzo?” I ask with raised brows

She just throws a soft smile my way before answering with a cool, “It was always your favorite meal to make together. Naturally, it’s what you would conjure up. Next question.”

She doesn’t look away from the food or the knives as she speaks. She doesn’t need to.

“Where are we right now? Not the two of us, but when I wake up, where will I be? Your dagger, where did it come from? When have I been to the house before we all woke there? Why does everything I’m surrounded by feel so damn familiar?” Every word feels more rushed and frantic than the last, but she doesn’t once turn away from the food, only slows her chopping as if she’s working out the answers in her mind.

Ormymind, I suppose.

“Everything is familiar because you’ve seen it all before, Ronan. You’re smart. Circumstance may have stripped certain memories away, but it can’t take away the way certain things will make you feel.” The sound of the blade slicing through veggies continues at a punishing speed but I’m wholly focused on her and the truths she’s speaking.

“The house: we used it as a safe house after a job went wrong a year ago. It was the first time we really talked outside of work. You tried to cook, I saved the meal, we stayed up the entire night talking under the guise of not letting our guards down. Really, we were just enjoying each other’s company and didn’t want the night to end. We left a few days later and decided it would be our permanent safe zone when needed. And we’ve needed it a few times.”

Once everything is chopped, she looks at me expectantly, but I just shake my head and reach for the pots and pans I know she’s wanting me to give her.

“Thank you. The dagger. That was a gift to me a couple months ago. While I loved it, I thought a nine-monthanniversary gift was ridiculous, so you said I could wait for the rest of it when a year came around. Which should be in a few days, actually.”

“What was the rest of the gift?” I know that the hopeful sound of my voice is for nothing when—in true Silene fashion, my subconscious or not—she doesn’t tell me. Not really, at least.

“You know, Ronan. Just look for it. The answer is on you. You just have to look.” Her gaze is all knowing and there’s a pit forming at the bottom of my stomach and a monster tearing its way through my chest whose claws grow sharper and sharper with each breath I take as it catches on my ribs. A monster that’s trying to free itself of its misery and touch her.

It’s my heart, I realize. Beating and bloody and desperate for the answer to one more question.

My fingertips caress her cheek before grasping her chin and forcing her gaze to me.

“What did I do to you?” The words are soft leaving my lips but her gaze hardens and cools.

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Ronan. It’s not what you didtome, it’s what you didn’t doforme. It was the lies, and the secrets and—”

“What do you mean!? You can’t seriously believe that I—” I start, but she throws her hand up as a sign for me to shut the hell up.

“I don’t believe it, Ronan. Not really, or else you would be dead and you know it. But you believe it. I haven’t said anything here that you don’t already know or believe.” Then she drops everything she’s doing and wipes off her hands before walking to the door.

“Si, where are you going? We’re not done here. I need to know more, please.” I’ve caught up with her in just a few steps and grab her hand to stop her and turn her around before I drop to my knees before her.

“Please, Si…” It’s the last bit of pleading I have in me. I realize that it won’t mean much, though. Because she’s right. There’s nothing that’s happening that isn’t my own mind’s doing. There’s nothing she has said that hasn’t been hiding in my own head.

“You need to wake up now, Ronan.”

And then her hand is out of mine and she’s walking out the door of the small little home we called our own. I already know what’s going to happen when I stand and follow her out.

* * *

Silene:

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