Page 89 of Knot Just A Fan

“I need to be alone tonight,” she says. ”I’ll book my own room, and put it on my credit card, that I’ll pay with my wages, once I start my job.” Her tone isn’t nasty, or prideful, or condescending. It’s simply factual. She shrugs and turns to Ronan. She takes his hand, kisses his palm, murmurs, “I owe you my life. But I can’t give you all my heart without proof that you will really be a pack with each other, and with me.”

She stands, walks out of the room pulling her small suitcase, then heads into the hallway.

I stand and call after her. We all do. We look at each other, then Enzo swiftly goes after her. Her quiet response floats in through the cracked door he holds with a foot.

“I need my space. Please respect that, Enzo.” There are tears in her voice, but her tone doesn’t waver. She’s stronger than any of us.

Enzo he falls back, and we look at each other like lost ships at sea without a map.

We have fucked up the best thing we ever had. And we only had her for a second.

CHAPTER 35

Briella

It’smy first day in the Devon cottage I’m renting from Myles and Alice. They own three properties down here, and this one’s a holiday flat they use in the summer. When they asked would I be interested in staying here whenever I’m down to take photos, I nearly cried. I would move here permanently if I could. If Cami’s interview with them goes well and she accepts a position with them, we couldbothmove down here.

My first week starts tomorrow and already I’ve made the place my own—at their request. Not that I’ve had much else to do. I arrived early and I’m alone. Keeping busy seems the best thing. I’ve researched cars and found a relatively cheap one to see tomorrow. I’ll need my own wheels to get around to work down here, but for now I’m in a hire car.

The seaside themed decor Alice and Myles have chosen is beautiful, but I’ve brought in fairy lights by the box-full, framed prints of my photos, photos of Cami and I, and candles—candles bloody everywhere. I picked up an old guitar at a car boot sale and have turned this into a kind of sculpture that sits in the corner with some ornaments handing from the tuning pegs.

But it’s the view that makes this place divine. Out the bedroom window, which I’ve flung wide open, is a lush vistaof the waves crashing along the distant rocky coast. It’s not far from Newquay, on Cornwall’s north coast, but the beaches here are a bit wilder and more remote. The air smells salty and zings with life. I love it.

I sigh for the hundredth time, and drop my mind’s guardrails.

They let me go,I remind myself.

They respect me, and didn’t want to push, I further remind myself.

Each pack member has sent me numerous texts. The one delight I take is that they all seem to have rejoined forces and are on the same team now. Team Briella, it seems. Which is ironic. I worried I was what would break them up. Now I’ve brought them together.

But my heart says Cami and Ronan and Gray all betrayed me, to a point. I forgave Cami that night. It was a week ago today. And we’ve never been closer, because I understand her reasoning. She didn’t try to defend herself. She simply said, looking me in the eye through those lashes, “Girl, you know I know what happened with Justine. What happened with me. I would die to make sure it didn’t happen to you. And that’s what I thought I was doing. I was wrong. Please, please forgive me.”

And that was all it took. Because I knew she meant it. And she loves me. And she would never make the mistake again to step in and stop someone from telling me their truth. And I know she wouldn’t do that today. We’ve both grown.

But Grayson, and Ronan—Grayson especially. I don’t know him well enough, as well as I always pretended I did, to know if I can trust him.

As I put the finishing touches on my first mini-proposal, I get a call from Cami. She usually texts, so I pick up right away.

“Mate, have you got the radio app on your laptop or phone? Turn on ArtRadio right now! Fuck,now, girl!”

“Er, okay.” I put her on speaker then open the app with a flick of my thumb and scroll to ArtRadio. The station’s webpage comes up while the station does, too. Live, on air, is Grayson Cove, being interviewed by a DJ.

“The fuck?” I murmur. Cami is squealing in the background and then goes quiet as we both listen.

“And it comes as no surprise that we wanted to start playing this on tour,” Grayson’s saying. “So tonight, we’re debuting it.”

“So that’s it, folks,” comes the DJ’s voice. “Tonight we’re sharing the world-debut of the latest sure-to-be-hit from the wonder boys, Arcadia Echo themselves, this one’sLifting Clouds.”

My hand is covering my mouth as the familiar opening I remember from Exeter St Davids rolls out. Gray’s falsetto is perfectly produced front and center, with Enzo’s squirrelly drums and Ronan—Ronan quickly laid down an infectious bass track that grows with insistence and urgency over the course of the song. Gray’s guitar keeps things focused on his dreamlike melody, and as usual, or maybe more than ever, all three work together in a harmonious, almost ghostly hymn-like piece that has me crying by the time the DJ asks Grayson if there’s anything else he’d like to say about the latest tune.

“It’s one of many new tracks Echo’s written and recorded since moving back to England from LA, is that right?”

“Can you believe this?” Cami gasps.

It’s how we met, how we didn’t speak up, how he knew he was wrong to hold back. He’s added more lyrics than I heard at the station. And my heart aches.

This is why for two full days I heard nothing from them. They put everything they had into recording a flawless track as quickly as humanly possible.

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