Page 75 of Knot Just A Fan

“I’m here, if you ever want to talk. I know what it’s like to lose the most important people. I only ever had my mother, so when she died, I dealt with that trauma and loss for a long, long time.” She gives me a small smile and doesn’t look away. “And you know, it’s never gone. It just changes. It changes you. But if you talk about it, about what you loved and lost, it becomes more present, and that presence gives you the power to get up another day, and another day, and want to be thethemin the world. The part of them you loved. The part of that bustling house that you loved. You can be that now.”

The sun’s completely below the horizon and the chill has turned to cold. She wraps Gray’s jacket around her tightly, armstucked together. She looks so fragile but sounds much stronger than I’ve ever been.

“I’ve never dealt with it, no. I just dove into the band. Music is the only time where I feel good. Like I have a purpose. I clung to the idea of Willow becoming another purpose. My mind was set on her, but she was never set on us, looks like. And it isn’t personal when I say I can only assume the same about you.” I look up at her, still digging in the sand. She’s made a sizable pile now as though she’s hoping to reach China. “As amazing as you smell. As delicious as you look. As much as your body’s calling to mine.” I clear my throat. “If I trust no one, I won’t lose more than I have.”

Her lip wobbles but she doesn’t look up. “What about the pack?”

I shake my head. “We’re headed for a breakup. Once this tour is over. I can feel it. When you’re onlyhopingthe other person comes to a compromise, but you don’t know if they will—that’s the death knell.”

Briella stands. She moves her arm as though to reach out toward me, then drops it. She’s lost her hope now. I’ve shot it down. And I’m not happy about it but I can never stop my mouth.

The noise of the wedding grows, and I can hear a few drunken voices approaching. Without a single thought, I move around the fire, as if my muscles are programmed to protect her.

She is my Omega, dammit. I know she is. But that doesn’t mean I have to accept it.

CHAPTER 30

Briella

The two womenand three men who’ve stopped behind Ronan clearly look related to him. Well, one of the women doesn’t, but the other four all have his same dirty-blonde hair. Two of the men have some kind of facial hair that looks similar to Ronan’s, though no one else rocks the man-bun like he does.

But they’re all drunk, that’s for sure. I can smell them from here, and the beer bottles a couple are loosely holding by the neck are surely not their first. They’re all in suits, ties, dresses, and the women are shoeless.

The woman with the dark hair holds out her hand. “I’m Aubrey. You must be Willow?”

Ronan’s circled the dead BBQ to stand at my side, and I feel a lightning bolt of pleasure as his arm slides around my back, holding me close. I think if he could bury his face in his hand, he would.

“No, she’s not. She’s Briella. The band’s photographer.”

I think for a second he’s going to sayMy Omega. But that’s ridiculous, given all he’s just told me.

But his skin touching my body, even through my clothes, even though my heat seems to be on a brief pause, slick stilldampens my legs. I clench my thighs and lean into him, not sure what I hope to achieve.

“Oh yeah, the one the internet’s raging at. You’re the one who got on stage in Nice the other night,” says one of the guys, pointing his beer-holding hand at me.

I tense, and my breathing shallows. I want to reply but this guy’s speaking to Ronan, and not even looking at me.

“That’s right. With the VIP pass we gave her.” Ronan keeps an even voice. “How’s the party, Jack?” He says calmly.

“You should come find out. We’ve all come all this way, after all.”

I sense Ronan’s muscles tensing inside his skin like they’re all going to spring him forward. There’s light coming from the hotel and the moon is bright, but still, it’s hard to see expressions well enough to read.

“You didn’t come all this way to seeme, though. This is about the happy couple.”

“Come on, Jack, let’s keep walking, I’m freezing,” says the blonde woman who must be a sister, but Jack, the one who pointed his beer at me, ignores her. “I think it’s time you explain why you still act like you’re seven and we need to pander to you, Mr. Rock Star. It’s either that or get in there and spend time with our brother. With all of us.”

“Mate, let’s go,” says one of the other men, a shorter, thinner one. “Clearly we’re interrupting them.” I at least appreciate the neutral tone of this brother. But Jack’s not having it.

“You want to have a go at all of us for some fantastical offenses we supposedly committed, come on. Let’s have it out.” Jack beckons toward himself as though inviting Ronan to fight. I want to punch this guy myself.

“No. I’m talking to Briella. Could you kindly give them all my best because I’m going to turn in soon. Have to head back to Lon?—”

“No offense, but fuck you, little brother. You treat us like we shoved you out in the cold when the reality is you’ve never accepted things as they are. You have a family that would put up with your shit if you’d pick up the phone once in a goddamned while and share it.”

“I don’t seeyoutrying to contact me—ever!” Ronan snarls.

Jack steps forward and shoves Ronan in the chest with the two fingers curled around the bottle. Aubrey yelps, and the blonde says, “Jack, stow it!”

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