Page 18 of Knot Just A Fan

“Never,” I say.

“Well, either you’ve got a bad batch or you’ve missed a few and don’t remember. Whichever it is, you’re staying here for awhile before I get you home.”

“No, I’ll be fine, Cam. I could say goodbye to the guys and then?—”

“Wake up, sis! Theguysare the problem! You already have a connection with them. The love of your life is outside this door trying to play doctor. You waltz out there within groping distance of your second-ever heat, which—by the way—is going to be hella messy and unpredictable—and he’ll be determined tohelp you through it. Which, fine, no judgment.” She raises her hands in the air, but this feels like a speech she’s prepared. “But your MO has been not wanting to ‘just be an Omega’ since wemet. You want to be in love. You can’t bang first and love second. That’s my theory, anyhow.”

My tongue wraps around an angry retort. I sink back into the cushions and let out a shuddery sigh. “Well, exactly. I just want to finally tell him how I feel. Get it off my chest, move on. He doesn’t have to do anything. He just needs to know. I’ll feel free.”

I’m shaky, nauseous, and soaked in a cold sweat, despite my insides feeling like an oven. I kind of just want to be sick and get it over with.

“He could be on rut suppressants,” I mumble.

Cami pats my shoulder and shakes her head. “Mate, look what happened tonight. He probably sensed your pre-heat. That’s why he was about to shove his tongue in your mouth on stage. Does that seem like a business decision he’d normally make?”

Grudgingly, I shake my head.

“I’ve gone along with it because you’ve felt nothing like this for anyone else. But he’sjusta dude. He’s only special becauseyou’relooking at him. You give him that power.”

I shake my head, tears pricking the corners of my vision. I can feel my nose go red and the sniffles about to start, but at least this sensation is making the nausea seem less overwhelming. “I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone more.”

She stands and crosses her arms, shifting her weight from one foot to another like she’s about to say somethingelseI won’t like. Then she reaches for her own water and takes a swig.

“The bar here was sending up somenastygin. I should’ve stuck to wine.”

“Cam, what is it?” I ask softly. I want to get to the heart of her point, though these new worries about my prescription possibly not working are lurking heavily.

Cami’s brows flatten. “He has someone else. We’ve always gone over this, right? It’s the only thing that fits, the onlyreason he’s never pursued anything with you. Fucking ghosted you for years, didn’t he? And whether he chooses to make this lady friend of his their Omega or not isn’t up to us. It’s not our problem. Your oncoming heat and getting to a clinic tomorrow is. You can worry about getting over him another day.”

And in this instant, I know it. I know she’s right. Willow, the woman Grayson’s known since childhood—she’s the real reason. And I’ve been a complete fool holding on to this dream. If he’s not on rut meds, he would’ve sensed my heat and his Alpha instincts just came out. That’s all it was.

Cami wrinkles her forehead. “One step at a time, yeah? Let’s get you home, and hit the clinic first thing. In the meantime, you could try my suppressants?”

“You’re on the implant,” I say.

“The back-ups, I mean. I use them if I start to feel a bit of break-through heat. It never gets bad, so I have them just in case,” Cami says. “I can’t promise what’ll happen but you can try one if you want.” She holds out a mangled granola bar from her bag. “Eat this.”

I do as she asks, then finish the water. With sustenance in it, my stomach feels like ripples racing across a pond.

I force my mind still and think of Mum. Of what wanting did for her.

And only then, I get control.

“Okay,” I say calmly. “Let’s get home. Clinic by the mall tomorrow, first thing. Maybe I try one of your pills tonight. Thank you. Thanks for helping me.”

She smiles, nods, and slaps her thigh. “Right. Happy New Year, mate.”

“Happy New Year. What a start.”

She grabs her bag but then I grab her arm. Trickles of heat begin radiating outward from my center, coursing through my body and into every corner. It’s not unpleasant, but it’snot conducive to having the clearest head. And from what I remember from my first and only heat, it’s only going to get worse.

“I’m sorry for ruining your night, Cam.”

She holds her hand up for a high-five. “You didn’t ruin it. You got me on stage, my cute little ass in millions of photos, and given us quite the memorable evening.” She winks, but I feel the tremor of worry in her.

“Love you.”

“Same, girl, same.”

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