Page 87 of Knot Just A Fan

I look up at the nurse who’s stood in the doorway. Philippe nods on our behalf, but we all nod anyhow. Cami adds, “Damn right.”

“You may go in. But only one may stay more than five minutes. She is tired, and needs rest.”

We file in the room and surround her bed. I draw in on her left and Cami on her right. She reaches for both our hands.

“These guys were bricking it. I knew you’d be okay!” says Cami, stroking Briella’s IV’ed hand. Brie smiles a tired smile. She has dark patches under her eyes and her hair is matted to her head. But her beautiful gaze falls on me.

“I am. They don’t think it’s what Mum had.” She turns her head to Cami. “It’s not a disease in itself. It’s that my heat’s been suppressed so long, and it’s much strongerbecauseof the pills she was on when she got pregnant with me. She hasn’t passed anything to me, as far as they can tell, apart from a highly irregular and powerful heat. It could be irregular for life, and sometimes quite painful. They can manage it with a strong suppressant meant for ruts.” She looks at me, then back at Cami. “It won’t suppress my heats, but bring them down a notch, to something more reasonable. And if I want to stop my heats for any time, I can also take heat suppressants along with the others, and they should still work. May have to play with the dosage.”

She looks back at me and squeezes my hand. “Ronan, you saved my life. My heart could’ve stopped from the intensity. They told me that because they want me to know it’s serious and has to be treated. But I can live perfectly normal, so long as the chemicals are balanced.”

Her smile is so wide, I want to dive inside the bed and wrap her in my arms forever. “You saved me. Thank you,” she says again, and I kneel at the bedside, hold her hand between mine, and kiss it.

“You are ours, Briella. We’ll make sure you have everything you need. And extras.”

“Hey, that’s all sweet and shit, but you know she’ll have her own security with this new job?”

I nod and grin, looking only into Briella’s eyes. “And I want to hear all about it. But just so you know—I’m here.”

She looks back, as if I’m the only one in the room. “So am I. Because of you.”

CHAPTER 34

Grayson

The color’sback in Briella’s face when I walk along her wheelchair. It’s about twenty-four hours since Briella went into A&E. Discharge took longer because they didn’t want her leaving until she had the proper rut suppressants that she’ll need to take twice a day, then follow-up with a new GP back in the UK.

The hospital staff push her to the front door, and then from there, Ronan, Enzo, and Cami are waiting for us. Everyone’s wearing a tight smile, but it feels like we’re all different mixtures of uncertainty and relief. What comes next?

Ronan admitted they had sex, and told me everything that happened from start to finish. Well, not the details of them actually having sex, but how it came about, and then what he did after. I hugged him hard and pounded him on the back in gratitude. For being there, for saving her, and for seeming to forgive me.

We all make small talk about tomorrow’s show in Amsterdam. Today’s an off day and we don’t fly out until late tonight. And Briella and Cami head back to Reading tomorrow. Cami’s got work to catch up on, as well as her own interview to prepare for with the company that hired Briella, as an illustrator.Briella’s headed down to their office in three days for a few days’ in-house work.

So it’s another goodbye. But if we’re really becoming a pack—if she plans to mark us all, and us to commit to one another at last—we can’t go on living separate lives without a logistics plan. I will never repeat what happened with Willow.

And still I feel there’s something we’re not talking about. And I have a horrible feeling I know what it is.

“Up to my room for a nightcap? Maybe just a detox one for you, Brie?” I ask. Everyone agrees, and Briella squeezes my hand tight. She’s watching me, a faraway look on her face as we climb out of the car that’s brought us back to the hotel from the hospital. Alejandro and two security guys wait at the door and lead us in to the hotel, then see us up to my room. We all keep a bit quiet around them, but I think it’s more to do with the last two days’ events.

Finally in the room, everyone’s seated with a drink, staring out over the cityscape.

“Long day, eh?” Enzo says, tapping out a beat with his fingers on the arm of the chair. Someone’s used their phone to play music through the fancy Bluetooth speakers built into the walls. European hotel rooms tend to be much smaller than their American counterparts, but I much prefer the architectural styles here—usually modern fittings in the rooms but lush, classic decor in the lobbies of buildings older than America itself.

It’s a beautiful dichotomy. And I take endless photos of every hotel room. To keep myself grateful for the life I’ve been allowed to live, that I deserve no more than others who work hard but never see this level of success.

Why did we make it this big in the scheme of things when other bands work twice as hard and never see the light of day? Sometimes I think it’s largely due to Briella’s eye for detail, for angles and lighting and color and emotion expressed throughstatic images that pushed us into a spotlight when we were just starting. I thought she might someday become a stylist to the stars, with her natural instincts for presentation, how things should sit or lie, mise en scène, basically. But I’m even happier for her finding work in what’s always moved her the most. She will absolutely kill this job.

She made us look good. And that says a lot.

Cami takes a big gulp of the Sauvignon Blanc she poured herself at the mini bar then stands and stretches. “Guys. I know you’ve got stuff to work through. And I am not here to cramp anyone’s style so I’ll take myself back to my room.”

“Ash waiting there?” Ronan says, raising a brow and grinning. God, I’m glad he’s back.

Cami turns to him, blinking rapidly and holding a hand to her chest. “Why, I believe that is none of your business. A lady doesn’t speak of such things.”

Enzo snickers. “Tell him we said he’s much more pleasant when he’s in the company of said lady.”

Cami smiles at him then leans over and plants a kiss on Briella’s forehead. She gives her a pointed look. “Message me later. Bye, folks.” The door closes quietly behind her.

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