Page 70 of Live for Me

“I know,” I breathed out. “I know I did.”

He stared at me for a few minutes, the world around us still continuing, the sun still shining, the birds still singing. “Why?” he demanded. “I need to know why, Abbie.”

I needed everyone at Hallow Ranch to have mercy on me even though I didn’t deserve it.

“Why what?” I shot back, leaning forward and bringing my hand up to my chest. “Why am I lying?”

The old cowboy shook his head. “No, Abbie. Why did you leave him?”

I stiffened.

His next question should have been a bullet. I would have preferred it, actually. “Why did you leave my Beau?” His words shot through me, and I could feel myself bleeding out.

Jigs was never supposed to ask me this.

He was never supposed to have the opportunity to ask me this.

I was never supposed to see the man again.

“Did he hurt you?” he pressed when I took another step back, shaking my head. He brought his hat to his chest. “Did he not treat you right, sweetheart?”

“Please, stop,” I rasped, my back hitting the porch column. My chest felt heavy and black marks clouded my vision. Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Tell me, Abbie,” he demanded. “Tell me why.”

“You—you told me I had nothing to apologize for,” I reminded him, gasping. Dizziness hit me then.

Jigs’ features softened, blinking away the anger. “History always repeats itself. Someway. Somehow.”

I stretched out my fingers, pressing them against my jeans, wiping away the sweat. “I’m not Amanda,” I told him, holding his eyes. Amanda Marks was selfish—cruel. She couldn’t handle the burden of motherhood and left her cowboy and son behind. She didn’t want this life.

I did.

“Every year, I go and see her,” he informed me. “Every fucking year, without fail.” He looked down to his boots, shaking his head. “Hell, that woman broke me to pieces, left me and our boy to go chase a life that got her killed.”

I flinched again. I didn’t know what kind of life Beau’s mother had found after leaving Hallow Ranch all those years ago, and frankly, I didn’t care. She, along with my own mother, could rot in hell for all I cared.

Jigs looked up, reading the expression on my face. “That woman had my heart the day I met her, had my heart the day she left, and she still has a tight grip on it even when she’s six feet under.”

“I’m not Amanda,” I repeated, my voice trembling.

“You left him,” Jigs murmured, ignoring me. “You left my boy, and I just…Sweetheart, I need to know if it was because of me.”

I was taken aback. “W-what? Because of you?”

All the anger in his eyes faded away, regret taking its place. “I know he’s stubborn. I know he has my anger. I know he was still dealing with so much pain from his childhood. I did the best I could with what I had. Was he not good to you, Abbie? I need to know what went wrong. For the last six years, I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around it—”

“—you did nothing wrong, Jigs!” I cried. “None of you did anything wrong!”

My outburst bounced off the porch, and I silently prayed the girls inside didn’t hear that. The old cowboy stared at me for some time, and as each second dragged on longer than the last, I could feel my heart rate pick up.

Something shifted in his eyes, the corners of them crinkling as he studied me. “Alright, sweetheart,” he muttered, stepping up to me. He pressed his lips to my forehead and told me he loved me.

Then, he was gone.

Chapter Seventeen

Abbie

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