Page 7 of Live for Me

What the—what stage did you have to be at?

“Dave, you’ve been with him for almost a year,” I blurted.

“Three hundred sixty five days is not that long in the grand scheme of things,” he noted, turning back to face me—my leftovers from my favorite Italian place in hand. “If I plan on spending the rest of my life with Harris, I’m going to take my fucking time and make sure he isn’t a bad guy.”

I blinked. “You told me you loved him.”

That in and of itself was a huge deal. Dave never told anyone he loved them--not me, not his sister, hell, not even their parents. When I asked him about it, he told me that was just how he was “wired.” Of course, this was said after a night out on the town when we were both roaring drunk, so who knows if he actually meant it.

He opened the to-go box, taking a peek at my lasagna I’d planned on eating for dinner later. “Oh, I do, but I’m taking my time. I’ll be damned if I let my heart get broken again.” His eyes shot up to me, flashing with old, painful memories.

There was no one else in the world who could understand that kind of pain like I did.

“Dave,” I began gently, “Harris isn’t your ex.”

“I know that, but I’m not taking any chances. When the time is right, Harris and I will take the next step, but for now, it isn’t the right time,” he explained, his voice soft. I nodded, thinking the conversation was done and looked down to my keyboard.

“Abbie?” he called.

I guess we weren’t done. I lifted my head again, tipping my chin a bit, giving him the floor.

He sighed and ran a hand through his short brown hair. “I’m sorry for harping on you about your sex life. It’s just—it’s just that me and the others get worried about you when you’re like this.”

I didn’t have to ask him who the others were. I already knew. Since I moved to Denver for college, I’d made four friends in this city. Four friends who’d stuck by me through thick and thin. Four friends I would do anything for if they needed it. Four friends I considered family, since I no longer spoke to anyone blood related. Dave, Hannah, Becca, and Tim. They were my family.

“When I’m like what?” I asked, forcing my knee to stop bouncing. My anxiety could wait until after I finished this conversation.

Dave winced and set down the to-go box. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he tried to assure me.

Too late. My spine was straight, my teeth clenched. I was ready for his assessment, ready for him to tell me all things I was doing wrong in my life, like working too much, not sleeping enough, not eating enough…

I lifted my hand from my lap, palm up, to gesture to the space between us. “Go ahead, Dave. I know you want to. Say your piece,” I told him, keeping my voice level. I wasn’t angry at him. I could never be angry at him for caring, because that was what this was. He cared about me, and I was grateful for it. Sometimes, I needed him to put me in check, but other times,like right now, I didn’t need it. Still, I wasn’t going to stop him from saying what he needed to say.

He looked almost tortured as his eyes dropped down to my laptop, scanning over my supplies scattered across the table before rising them back up to my face. “Are you happy, Abbie?”

I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off. “I’m not talking about right now, in the moment. I’m talking about with your life, sweet lips. You busted your ass in college, sacrificed so much…” He trailed off, letting those words hit me like he knew they would.

I sacrificed everything in college. I kept my face as neutral as I could, waiting for him to continue. I wasn’t going to show any emotion, not now.

If I did, then my week would go to shit.

I couldn’t have that.

Dave cleared his throat. “You got a job at a shitty newspaper and worked three jobs just to make your half of the rent. You did that for years, Abbie. Then, you finally made it. You got your dream job at your dream newspaper, and don’t get me wrong, we are all happy for you. You’re making big moves…but we also never see you laugh anymore—or even smile.”

I opened my mouth to interject, but he cut me off yet again, pointing his finger at me. “I’m not talking about that fake ass smile you put on for the rest of the world. I’m talking about the smile that lights up your face, shows your pretty teeth, and leaves crinkles around your eyes. The smile that made you know who fall to his damn knees everysingletime he saw it.”

“I thought we weren’t talking about him anymore,” I said, my voice shaking slightly at the end.

“Did I get my point across or not?” he asked pointedly.

“If the point was to make sure I’m happy? Then yes.”

His closed his mouth, staring at me as I gestured to my computer. “I’m on a tight deadline right now, Dave. This weekhas been the week from hell, and no, it has nothing to do with you or anyone else,” I explained. “I promise you, I’m happy. I have everything I could ever want. I’m making decent money at my dream job and my side business is doing well. I have a beautiful home. I have amazing friends. Trust me: I’m happy, but I am also very stressed.”

“You promise?” he pressed.

He was going to make me repeat my words. I took a deep breath, nodding as I exhaled. “I promise.”

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