Page 78 of Unlikely You

She searched my eyes, as if she was looking for lies. I was telling her the complete truth.

“What if I’m broken?” she asked.

“You’renotbroken. And even if you never have one, that won’t matter. Sex can be about so much more than getting off. I don’t think it’s the most important part at all.”

Bren exhaled slowly and nodded. “Okay. Okay.”

We sat together and I let her process.

“Was there anything else?” I asked gently, stroking her arm with the fingers that weren’t holding her hand.

“Yeah. In addition to, um, the no orgasms, I also don’t seem to want the kind of sex that other people want.” What did that mean? I was going to need some clarification.

“I think I need some specifics, Bren.”

She was quiet for so long I almost shook my hand in front of her face to make sure she was still with me.

“The way I want you, Honey, it’s notnice. When I think about being with you, having sex with you? I want to wreck you. Ruin you. Bite marks all over your skin. Hold you down. Force you to come so many times that it makes you cry. Fuck. I’m sorry.”

In a rush, she stood up from the couch and started pacing. Arson woke up and meowed, jumping to the floor and following Bren.

“I can’t believe I just told you that. You’re probably think I’m disgusting now and you have every right to leave, but I had to tell you.”

She wasn’t looking at me as she paced, so I got up and threw my arms around her. Bren stiffened for a moment and then relaxed into my arms.

“You don’t scare me. You think you’re the only one who wants that? I’ve been thinking about biting you since the first day I saw you. God, I can picture your skin with red marks and hickeys all over it. I’d turn you into a leopard. It would be so fucking hot.” Bren let out a little breathless laugh and her body sagged further into me as her arms circled my waist.

“I want you so much, Honey. It scares me.”

“Good, then we’re on the same page. And if there’s anything you do that I don’t want, I have no problem throwing out my safe word.”

“What is your safe word? I’ve never used one before.”

While Bren might have been having sex before, reading between the lines it sounded like she wasn’t used to discussing the kind of sex she wanted to be having with her partners. That was fine with me. I’d talk about it with her. Talking about sex was sometimes almost as good as having it.

“I’m a big fan of a one-syllable safe word that you don’t have to think about in the moment. You know, there’s that joke about ‘pineapple’ but when you’re in the heat of the moment, is your brain even going to be able to remember that? Potentially not. Better to be safe and choose an easy word. So mine is ‘sting.’”

Bren leaned back and smiled at me. “That’s a perfect word for you.”

“I think so.” I brushed her hair out of her eyes. “You’re safe with me. You can tell me any of your wants or desires and I promise not to judge. We all have those kinks or fantasies that are just a little bit out of the norm. I think society would be a much better place if we stopped having a hierarchy of acceptable and not acceptable sex between consenting adult humans.”

“Wow,” Bren said, her eyes widening.

“What?”

“You’re amazing. You’re so amazing.” She hugged me again.

“Well thanks, baby. That’s nice to hear.”

The two of us held each other and even though there was no music, I started humming and we swayed back and forth.

“Do you want me to sing for you?” I asked.

“Yes. But I think…I think I need to kiss you now.”

I almost laughed at the way she said it, but I couldn’t. Instead Bren slid her hands up to dive into my hair and cup the back of my neck.

“I was so terrified to tell you.” Her dark eyes were fathomless. I could drown in them.

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