Page 3 of Catch Me

Chapter 2

LOIS

I didn’t always want to be a gymnast. Music was always a huge passion of mine, but gymnastics was where I found my natural flare and my parents nudged me in the direction of the balance beam when I was as young as five years old. I guess it made sense at the time, Sean was nine years old and was already a bulldozer on the ice, his talent like a beacon of light shining through our family. I wanted to shine too. So I followed the logical path that was set for me, becoming a gymnast. It took me a while to fullylaunch myself into the world of gymnastics though and even as a tiny five year old I rebelled at first. I wanted to show my parents that I could be a musician, that playing the piano was what I was meant to do, but of course they know best. Before Sean and I transferred to Redwood from our previous university, I applied for the Royal College of Music in London. It took months of hard work, travelling home almost every weekend to practice on the grand piano in the entryway of my childhood home. I perfected every single note, spending hours on end with my fingers glued to the keys and by the time my audition came around I wassoready. I was accepted into the most prestigious music college in the country just one week before our move to Redwood. I don't know why I did it to myself, knowing even if I was accepted that I wouldn’t be able to go, to drop my gymnastics career on it's head and switch to a music degree. But I’ve always struggled to believe in myself, in every aspect of my life. I think I just needed to know Icoulddo it, that I was capable no matter what my parents said. Don’t get me wrong my parents are great, so supportive and they came to every competition when I was a kid. They were always there with the loudest cheers at mine and Sean’s important events. But that never stopped the bolder of resentment from constantly rolling around in the pit of my stomach, every time I sat down at the piano in our home. The thought of being able to actually pursue the one thing that always makes me so happy, that takes me into another place as I tap lightly against the keys and fill the hallway with music. I don't know how to describe it, the feeling, the tingling all over my skin, the hairs that stand up on my arms and the wash of peace that floods me when I'm sat at the piano. So I stopped trying to explain it to people and instead, I keep it to myself and plod along with my boring old life.

“Lois, are you planning on actually landing anything today? Or would you rather continue falling into a heap beneath the bar for the rest of the afternoon?” Ellen squawks at me from the other side of the echoey gymnasium. I’ve already had enough of her attitude today and it’s only 2pm, four gruelling hours to go. It seems since I took over from Callie as team captain, that automatically meant I also took over Callie’s usual scape goat position with our coach, Ellen. I swear she just picks on the captain because she can pull that bullshit excuse of ‘you should be leading this team’ when really that’sherjob. Callie made it crystal clear when she asked me to take over as captain exactly what my role entailed, keep the girls in line when they are slacking and be the motivation for them each day. That definitely didn’t include leading the girls to victory at every competition and taking the blame for any failure onto my shoulders, even if it had nothing to do with me. But Ellen may need reminding of that, the last thing I need adding to my plate is a panic attack.

“I’ll go again,” I mutter, dipping my hands into the chalk bucket and clapping a cloud of dust into the air around me. “Come on Lois, you can land this one, it’s easy, you’ve done it a million times bef—”

“Talking to yourself again?” Sophia appears through the cloud of chalk like a Victoria’s secret model, strutting over the mats that line the landing area under the high bar. “I knew you were crazy, but I didn’t think you were ready for the asylum just yet.”

I wish this bitch would learn when to shut up.

My chest tightens, the panic creeping up my throat and threatening to suffocate me as I peer up at the bars, ignoring Sophia completely. I won’t let the panic attacks start again, I refuse to allow them to take hold of me. They used to visit me frequently when I was a teenager. I guess you could say I let the pressure of success get to me, especially when I saw Sean claimtrophies like they were going out of fashion. There was always this sense of needing to keep up with him and yet I was always one step behind, reaching out to catch up and never being able to get a grip on him. I don't resent my brother though, actually quite the opposite, I totally idolise him. Don’t tell him that though, his ego is already big enough for the both of us.

I take a breath in, closing my eyes for a brief moment and readying my mind as usual to throw my body into unnaturally dangerous positions. I push off my toes, swing my arms and launch myself forward, gripping the low bar tightly. My body glides through the air as I float from the low to the high bar like a bird, almost no effort needed until I prepare myself for my dismount. The dismount I have failed to land all day today, the one that’s quickly become the bane of my life since Ellen changed it two days ago. I take another swing and let go, tucking my knees to my chest and flying high into the air, desperately tracking the ground below me as I twist. My feet come down to land against the mat, my body almost betraying me with lack of balance. But I quickly straighten my back and manage to stay upright. The smile that slices my face in two earns me a clap from several of my teammates, but not from Ellen of course.

She folds her arms and pops a hip. “Well, it’s about time. Lois, that dismount should be easy for you on bars. I wanted to up your difficulty before the competition next week, but after your performance today,” she blows out a tired sigh, “I'm not so sure you can manage it.”

It feels like a kick in the stomach as usual, winding me and chipping away at the little smidge of self confidence that I have. When I spy Sophia, a snickering smirk dancing on her lips as she mounts the beam, I decide that’s enough for one day. I’m not due to leave training for another four hours, but one perk of being the captain is I get more flexibility with my training schedule. I’llmake up the hours on Monday, when the blockage in my brain has hopefully shifted and I can think straight again.

There’s a party tonight at Sean’s house, to celebrate the birth of his daughter, Lily. Of course Callie and Lily won’t actually be there, having been released from hospital only this morning, they’ve decided to go and stay with Callie’s dad for the weekend. I think the ‘celebratory’ party was Nick and Kyle’s idea, any excuse to go on a bender. My heart thuds a tiny bit harder when I think about seeing Nick tonight, I'm sure he’ll be wearing one of his much too tight t-shirts that somehow shows every tiny crevice of his abs. I don’t know how he does it, but I’ve never seen him not looking good. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll lock eyes with me for nought point two-seconds tonight. Or he'll greet me with a ‘hi Leah,’ when he forgets my name because he barely even knows I exist.

I grab my shit from the locker and throw a lazy wave towards Anais, who smiles sheepishly from her split stretch on the floor. The second I'm out of the gym and dragged into the chilly October wind, I regret agreeing to go to this party tonight. My phone has been bombarded in the last six hours with messages about tonight’s celebration — if you can even call it that. Molly has helped the guys to organise most of it and since I now live with her and Anais, I’ve somehow been automatically roped into gathering supplies before 8pm tonight. My phone rings on cue, like she knew I was rolling my eyes at her through my phone screen.

“Hey girl, you’re ok to grab some cups and more booze for tonight right? The guys are already in party mode, it’s been a challenge since midday to keep them away from the stack of alcohol I’ve collected and stashed away in their kitchen cupboards.” Molly snickers, rummaging away in her bag.

I wedge the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I unlock my car. “Erm, yeah sure, I left training early so I'll go and get them now before I head home.”

“Great, thanks Lo. Oh and by the way, I invited Jacob, you know, from the football team?”

That’s great, that will really make this night even more tedious than it’s already going to be. I’ll have to get absolutely paralytic so I have no inhibitions leftandno memories of the embarrassment the next morning. Jacob Connelly has been chasing me for a little while, even when I was still in a relationship with James. The two of them are teammates, so that was always awkward as shit. But Jacob is far from my type, if I'm being brutally honest then I'd have to say he gives me the creeps a little. There’s something off about him, I just never know what it is.

I groan aloud and clamber into the already warming seats of my Mercedes. “Why do you hate me?”

Molly barks a cackle. “Shut up, I just want you to get back on the horse after Mitchell.”

“Yeah well,” I huff, flinging my bag over my shoulder to land on the back seat. “He’s not the kind of horse I’d like to ride.”

Another cackle from Molly, this one much sharper and louder which brings a smile to my lips. “Well, who do you want to ride then? Because I'm getting sick of seeing you alone. And don’t say Nick Andersen because you and I both know he isn’t worth your time.”

I ignore her comment about Nick and try to stop my cheeks turning a shade of pink. Molly knows how much I like Nick, she claims anyone with eyes can see what I'm imagining when I look at him.

“Hey! I’m not alone, I have you and Anais and Callie and—”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Molly says dismissively. “We don’t count, none of us have a dick that can rock your world.”

“Shame.” I laugh, “Anyway Mol, I'm heading to the shop to get Your Majesty’s supplies and then I’ll be home.”

“Toed-e-loo.” She sings and the line dies in my hand, along with my last ounce of courage about seeing Nick tonight. It’s not like I don’t see the guy all the fucking time anyway, but parties are the one time I like to let my hair down. When I'm drunk I become a different person in a way, or more like a freer version of myself, I can say what I want without many consequences. A few times I’ve considered just launching myself at Nick and seeing what happens, but then I’ll glance around the room and spot him with a long legged blonde on his knee and my plan poofs into thin air. I can’t compete with the girls he’s spotted with and I have no intention of putting myself in a position where I can get my heart and soul trampled on.

I plug my phone in to my car and tap on the list of missed calls from Sean. It’s like he forgets I have a life sometimes. He’s been calling me at thirty minute intervals since 9am and as the phone rings out I begin to wonder what on earth he could want. I don’t think he’s coming to the party tonight, like I said they’re staying at Callie’s dad’s and Sean has at least four weeks off training as the two of them get used to being parents.

Sean’s out of breath voice comes through the speaker. “Jesus, it’s like trying to get hold of The Queen. What’s been more important than your favourite brother all day that you couldn’t answer my calls?”

“First of all, you’re myonlybrother.” I say and he snickers. “Second of all, I’m captain of the gymnastics team Sean, I can’t just dip out whenever I feel like it.”

“So, what are you doing right now?”

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