Page 49 of Catch Me

Kyle throws up his hands in defence. “Ok Lo, your funeral,” He snickers a laugh and I stomp my way up the stairs.

Sean’s bedroom door is open, I can see it from the end of the hall. Before I even start to walk down the long hallway I hear a giggle, one I’ve not heard before and it makes my heart sing with joy. Then again, another giggle ringing through the air like a perfect harmony travelling on the wind. I walk slowly towards Sean's bedroom door and peer around the frame. Callie holds Lily upright in her arms while Sean lifts her t-shirt and blows a raspberry on her chubby little stomach. Lily wiggles and squeals with delight. Callie’s face is as bright as a lighthouse as she watches her baby daughter squirm with happiness in her arms. Then I make the mistake of leaning too hard on one foot and the floorboard creaks beneath me, bringing two pairs of eyes to mine immediately. Sean stands straight, too straight, like he’s uncomfortable. Callie glances at him once, then walks out of the room with Lily without saying a word to either of us. The air is hanging over us like a storm cloud and I'm holding my breath, waiting for it to burst all over me.

Sean takes a deep breath after a moment. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” my voice is croaky and quiet but clearing my throat does nothing to help. “You’ve been avoiding me, both of us actually, for a week now.”

Sean breathes a laugh, but it’s dry and lacking any sort of humour. “Yeah and why do you think that is Lois? I don’t want to see either of you right now.”

I pause, unsure what to say in response to that. I want to yell at him, to cry or do something that will trigger the big brotherly instinct that I know lays buried deep inside him. He won’t lookat me either, not properly anyway, it’s like he’s looking past me, scared to make eye contact incase his hardened exterior breaks.

I take a step towards him, a tentative one. “Sean, can’t you just be happy that I'm happy?”

His eyes snap up then, almost offended by my words. His face scrunches into an irritated expression.

“Obviously I want you to be happy.” He snaps, a harshness to his voice that I'm not used to hearing. “But he won’t make you happy in the long run, he’s bad news Lois. He’s my best friend but I can tell you now that he treats girls like shit, fucks them and then when he gets bored he throws them to the side.” His hazel eyes soften a little now, when he spots the moisture starting to leak from my eyes. “I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth.”

I sniff the tears back, swiping the few that escaped from my cheek. “I disagree. Nick loves me Sean and it’s unfair for you to say otherwise when you’ve never seen us together.”

“Yeah and who’s fault is that? You two have been sneaking around behind my back for god knows how long and now you just expect me to be ok with, with…” he wafts his hands in the air. “This,”

The next words leave my lips before I can even think to stop them. “Why don’t you love me?”

Sean flashes me an eye roll, then a laugh. “I do love you Lois, you’re just a huge pain in my ass most of the time.”

“No, you don’t.” I snap at him, jabbing a finger through the air in his direction. “You can’t just let me be happy can you? You know, all my life I’ve been walking in your shadow. You always had to be the best at everything, the golden child, the one who could do no wrong in Mum and Dad’s eyes. And what was I huh?” I start to count on my fingers, being extra dramatic because that’s how I feel right now. “Well, let’s see. They wouldn’t let me play piano because I needed to be more like you, an athlete. Forget aboutthe fact I never really wanted to be a gymnast, but because of you it was expected of me. The sun shines out of your ass and everyone knows it Sean!” My throat hurts from my rant, but the weight I’ve been carrying around on my shoulders seems to have eased for the first time in my life.

Sean’s loud scoff pulls me back to the present and I lock eyes with him.

“Yeah Lo, you’re right. I mean, my whole life I’ve been expected to achieve everything the first time, to always been the best at everything I do and to never struggle or fail at anything. I’m the one who was supposed to be the pro hockey player, to make Mum and Dad proud and to make sure never to let them down or disappoint anyone.” His eyes drop to the ground now, any ounce of anger seeping into the carpet below and disappearing from view. “So you’re right Lo, my life is fucking incredible…” he glances at me, hurt and the weight of expectation heavy on his expression. “I love it.”

I don’t say a word, I simply stand there, my mind reeling over every word he said. I had no idea he felt this way and now I feel fucking awful. I stare at him for what feels like an hour but is actually only seconds, before his sad eyes find mine again. I take three strides across the room and smush my face into his warm chest, wrapping my arms around his torso and hugging him tight.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter into his cotton t-shirt. “I never looked at it from your side before, I never thought about what it must be like for you.”

His arms comes around me then, smothering me in a brotherly squeeze that I let myself melt into.

“It’s ok Lo, it’s not your fault that Mum and Dad always expected the impossible from me, and I'm sorry you always felt like you were trying to catch up.”

I lift my face out of his chest then and gaze up at him, my neck craned way back because of his sheer height. “Do you forgive me? For being with Nick behind your back?” The tears are threatening me again, but this time I don’t let them fall.

Sean ponders this for a beat, breaking eye contact with me before nodding slowly. “Yeah, I do.” My lungs expand with relief, but it doesn’t last long when he continues. “I don’t forgive Nick though and I don't know if I ever will. He screwed me in one of the worst ways possible Lois, it’s the first fucking rule in the book, don't fuck around with your friend’s sisters.”

My chest tightens again, the relief having lasted less than five fucking seconds and I'm back to the aching heart again. I just want all this shit to be over with, I want things to go back to the way they were, simple. But I wouldn’t take back anything I did with Nick, not the way we first kissed, the way he holds me at night, the way he makes me feel. I’d pick him over anybody in any lifetime.

CHAPTER 26

NICK

My hands are sweating as I lean against her car, the sunlight fading and the clouds bringing their usual dull shadow of the evening over the house. Lois wouldn’t tell me where she was going tonight but I had a sneaking suspicion this is where she’d end up. So when Kyle texted me fifteen minutes ago to say he could hear Lois and Sean yelling at each other upstairs, I flew over here fast. I can’t go inside, not with Sean potentially steaming like a train so instead I stand here waiting, with my hands dripping in sweat even though it’s pretty chilly out here. I told Kyle he’d have to go and check on Lois because I couldn’t and he told me it had gone quiet up there. He could hear them muttering to each other when he pressed his ear against Sean’s bedroom door. But the tension in the air between them haddefinitely subsided, so that made me feel better about waiting outside for her.

The front door opens slowly a moment later and Lois’ slightly damp, rosy cheeks come into view. Her red rimmed eyes stay pinned to the ground as she scampers towards her car, not noticing me standing there until she’s half way across the driveway. Her bright hazel eyes widen a little at the sight of me and she skids to a halt on the gravel.

I swallow hard, trying not to look too hard at the red rings around her eyes. I reach my arms out towards her, gesturing for her to come to me.

“Come here baby,” I say, my voice almost a whisper, but she doesn’t hesitate.

Lois practically runs into my arms, colliding with my chest on a sharp inhale. She sobs quietly against the cotton of my jacket, keeping her face buried there and her hands gripping fistfuls of my clothing. It’s like she wants to crawl inside my skin and I’d gladly let her.

---