Page 32 of Catch Me

I stare up at the man who stands before me, his eyes are heavy with grey bags and his hair is thicker, more auburn coloured than before. His face is a little shrivelled, the beard that sits on his chin looks prickly and itchy. But the thing I notice the most is the unfamiliar look of regret in his brown eyes, eyes that match mine almost exactly. He sits down after a moment of shared silence between us, resting his handcuffed arms on the table in front of him. I instinctively lean back, wanting to create space between us.

He clears his throat after a moment. “Nick I’m…”is he going to apologise already? Wow, maybe he really has changed.“I’m so glad you came.”Maybe not.

“Yeah, well,” I sit up straighter, trying to make my voice stronger. “I didn’t want to come, but Mum practically begged me so…here I am.”

My dad nods a few times, eyes hovering over the table. “Well, either way I'm glad you’re here. I hope we can sort things outbetween us before I get out, you know, so we can be a family again.”

His words spark a flame of hate inside me and I narrow my eyes at him. “A family? Dad, we werenevera family. Families don’t beat each other.”

His eyes glint with a trampled down anger that lives inside him, but I watch him flatten it pretty quickly and it’s replaced with mock hurt. “How can you say that? I loved you kids, all of you and I did my best.”

I scoff now, folding my arms across my chest. “That was your best was it? Hitting your children and bullying your wife? You’re a joke of a father and a husband.”

“Don’t say that to me,” his jaw tightens and I see the hairs on his neck stand to attention, the fight response in him alive and well. “I’m a good husband, a good dad, I just made mistakes and I'm paying for them.”

“Why did you do it?” I blurt and he startles at the question, eyes looking anywhere but at me.

After a beat he shrugs. “I don’t know.” Then his gaze snaps to mine, fiery frustration building between us. “You can’t just be happy for me can you? I’m getting out of this hellhole and all you come here to say is that I'm a shit husband, a shit dad. You always were a pessimistic little shit, never seeing the good in anyone.”

I sit forward now, bringing my face closer to his and hissing, “Maybe there’s just no fucking good to see in you.”

He flexes his jaw, “Huh,” he muses, then his eyes gleam with hate. “You know, you’ll be lucky to ever find a woman who loves you like your mum loves me. You were always difficult to love, even as a child.”

His words slash my throat open like a blade, the blood draining from my body in seconds and I feel like I might pass out. The air in the room is hot, sweaty and I can’t breathe. The moisture isswimming in my eyes and my hand comes up to clasp my throat. I’m trying to rip it out and let some oxygen in, before I die right here in this dingy room with the person I hate most in the world. I knew this was a mistake, coming here to try and fix things with him when I wasn’t the one who broke anything in the first place.

I barrel out of there like my life depends on it, not even glancing back in his direction for fear of what I might see. I can feel it anyway, burning a hole in my back as I flee, his evil, satisfied smirk. The man has always thrived on breaking people down, making anyone around him feel worthless, especially his children.

The second the cool air hits me I feel my lungs start to open again, the world allowing me to live another day. My hand fishes inside my pocket for my phone and I yank it out, pressing the call button through murky vision.

“Lo, can I come over now? I need you.” I croak into the speaker when she picks up, a few tears roll down my cheeks and I swat them away.

She pauses. “Of course. Are you ok though? What happened?”

I sniff hard and climb into my car, twisting the key in the ignition. “Yeah, I just need to see you, right now.”

“Ok, drive carefully Nick.”

I don't even remember the drive, it was a blur, the words that my dad spat at me are spinning around in my mind like a scratched record. Lois’ dorm door swings open and she stands there, still in her workout clothes, hair damp and bundled up into a bun. The moment my eyes land on her the fire sizzles out and I practically collapse into her arms. She holds me tight, fingers running through my hair soothingly as I let the silent tears fall onto her shoulder.

Lois is my peace, my silence, like when you drive under a bridge during a thunderstorm.

CHAPTER 18

LOIS

The past month has flown by so quick I’ve barely had time to breathe between practice, sneaking over to Nick’s almost every night and getting my Lily fix at least once a week. My tiny niece is no longer so tiny, the scrunched up ball of snuggly warmth is now a smiling, gurgling, bright ray of sunshine. That girl lights up my entire life and I couldn’t love her any more.

I feel like I'm juggling my life right now, scraping a few minutes together each day to eat and drink before I pass out from exhaustion. The cold is really taking it’s toll on all of us, the heating system in the gymnasium is busted so we huddle like penguins when we arrive at 8am everyday. Of course it only takes half an hour of warm ups before we’re all secreting our own body weight in sweat anyway. Sophia is back from her trip to theBahamas last week and the overpowering arrogance is pouring from her as usual when she steps into the gym at 9:07am. Her hair is lighter than usual, obviously a little bleached from the sun. It shines under the harsh lights of the gym and she flicks the long, straightened cloak over one shoulder as she flashes us a smirk.

“You guys look so happy to see me this morning, have you missed me?” She shows us a toothy smile, one that’s plastered in insincerity.

We slap on a fake smile back to her of course, Anais, Lucy and I as we stretch out ready to start our routines. Ellen snaps her fingers and all of our heads turn like she’s some sort of drill sergeant, which she is.

“Enough of the chit chat,” she barks, “Sophia, welcome back, you’re late.”

Sophia’s eyes widen like a puppy, her mouth widening into a sickly sweet smile. “I’m sorry Ellen the jet lag is still messing with me.”

Ellen barely looks twice at her before shouting her orders. She points me to the bars, Anais to the beam, Lucy to vault whilst Sophia warms up. I’m thanking my lucky stars that Ellen didn’t snap her fingers in my direction and force me to practice my floor routine. Those tumbles are the bane of my life lately and I’ve been struggling to throw all of my focus into them and make them stick. I’m extremely aware of the competition that’s creeping up on me and the thought of it is making my stomach churn as I start my bar routine. I try to keep my head straight, lining myself up to transition to the high bar, swooping low and picking up momentum for my dismount. I inhale sharply and let go, twisting through the air and trying desperately to track the floor that spins below me. My feet land flat and I stick the dismount, a hard puff of air leaving my lungs from the relief.

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