Page 7 of Lock Me Out

First, though, I have to look around, make sure nobody’s paying attention. This whole thing has turned me into a paranoid freak, always looking over my shoulder, because I know anyone would think I’m crazy or pathetic and deluded if they knew I can’t accept Nix’s death. Like I’m some emotional basket case who can’t accept the truth.

Brother,

When are you coming back? Life is pretty fucking boring without you. I feel like I ask that question all the time, but thedays keep going past, and you still haven’t said anything to at least let me know you’re okay.

Maybe this will get you to show yourself: Mom is awake. We saw her a few days ago. I’ve been waiting to get back on campus to send you this email and let you know. She’s doing well, at least according to her team. I don’t think they ever expected her to wake up. Now that she has, I’m not sure I was ever all that confident either. I mean, I hoped. I thought I could make her wake up somehow if I concentrated hard enough, or something like that.

I know she wants to see you. She can’t talk yet—it might be a long time before she ever can—but I know. Right away, she wanted to know where you were. Maybe you were always right when we were kids, and you said you were her favorite. It would suck if her favorite never came to see her.

I’m acting like the kid I was back in those days, trying to goad him, but I’m pretty fucking desperate at this point. Whatever it takes, I need him to respond. I would feel it inside if he were gone. I’m sure I would.

She’s at the hospital I told you about before, where I had her moved closer to me instead of hiding her out in Florida the way that asshole did. I told her he’s gone, and she cried a little, which tells me she still remembers things. I told her you went away because that’s the truth. I know it’s the truth. You’re not dead. I don’t know why you feel like you have to stay away. Is it guilt? Are you afraid somebody will blame you for the explosion? You don’t have to worry about that.

You don’t have to worry about Leni, either. You know how things are between us now. She knows why we did what we did. She doesn’t hold it against us.

Even as I type the words, I feel a strange, uncomfortable sensation growing in the pit of my stomach. It’s another thing I’m not used to—second-guessing myself. Is that what love is? Trying to do the right thing, and then always wondering if it was right after all? Going over every conversation when things seem off, wondering if you did or said something wrong. If you brought the person you love closer or pushed them away.

I think something is up with Leni, but she is pretending nothing is wrong. You know what a terrible liar she is. She tries to act tough and strong. She thinks she has the world fooled, but we can all see through her. I don’t know why she can’t be honest with me. I don’t know what I have to do to make her trust me. The more she doesn’t trust me, the angrier I get. The more hurt she gets. I see that hurt in her eyes—fuck, she might as well punch me in the face when she looks at me. It might be easier if she did.

“Hey, Colt.”

My head snaps up at the sound of a voice murmuring my name. A lot of people think they can just walk past and start a conversation when somebody’s busy. They’re lucky I just jerk my chin in recognition. I’d rather ask them why they can’t mind their own damn business. I feel like a guilty kid caught cheating on a test or something, looking around again to make sure nobody’s watching over my shoulder as I basically treat my brother like my personal diary. The whole thing is pretty pathetic.

But then they wouldn’t understand. If anything, I’m glad for them. Glad for anyone who doesn’t have to carry this weight around. Knowing in their heart that things aren’t the way they appear.

By the time I send the email, I know what I need to do when we get home later. I need to figure out what the hell the girl who supposedly loves me doesn’t trust me enough to tell me.

I’m barelyable to wait until we’re inside with the rest of the world locked away on the other side of the door before pouncing on her the way I’ve thought about doing ever since I was in the library. She wants to keep something from me? She needs to know she can’t do it for long. I have ways of making her talk. I know exactly which buttons to push.

“Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be.” She’s giggling, unaware of what I have in mind while I paw at her, holding her against me from behind before she’s had the chance to drop her backpack on the floor. When my hand cups her tit, she lets out a soft moan. “You know, I was planning on working on a paper as soon as we got home…”

“That can wait,” I whisper in her ear before letting my tongue play over the lobe until she trembles against me. It is so easy to push her buttons and get her hot until she has no memory of why she wanted to do anything but lose herself to this pleasure.

Pretty soon, she’s wiggling her ass against my dick. “Tease,” I breathe in her ear, and she shivers, moaning softly when I slide a hand inside her T-shirt, working my fingers under her bra cup to tease her nipple. “So that’s the game you wanna play? Turns out, I had the same idea in mind.”

Only it’s going to go the other way around.

“Can I at least get a snack first?” When I squeeze her tit hard enough to make her gasp, it’s all the answer she needs. She doesn’t put up a fight as I walk us both toward the bedroom, since I want her spread out for me, flat on her back. I want access to all of her.

“Take off your clothes,” I murmur, letting her go once we’re next to the bed.

“You don’t feel like doing it for me?” Sure, keep playing, play while you can. I don’t say a word, only stepping back with my arms folded until she gets the hint and pulls her T-shirt overhead. Her jeans come next once she kicks off her shoes.

At first, it’s enough just to stare at her body in the light coming in from the window at her back. She’s perfect from head to toe, a wet dream come true. Even the scar on her back only sets off the perfection in the rest of her, a small flaw that makes the rest of her shine through.

Holding my gaze, she reaches behind her to unclasp her bra, then just as slowly slides her pink bikini panties to the floor. “Now what should I do?” she asks in a seductive voice, with a smile to match.

“Lie down. Ass on the edge of the bed. Leg spread.” She’s trembling with anticipation but does as I say, parking her ass on the edge of the bed and lying back with her thighs spread wide.

That’s how much she trusts me in moments like this. Doing as I say without asking why. The thought is humbling in a way, but I don’t have time for that right now. I can’t let myself get lost in the moment.

At first, it’s enough for me to run my hands from ankle to hip, teasing her skin until goosebumps rise over it. She giggles andsquirms, looking up at me with desire in her eyes. So beautiful, all mine. And it’s up to me to fulfill that desire.

Right now, it’s also up to her, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

There’s a wicked gleam in her eyes when I reach into the nightstand drawer on my side of the bed and pull out a magic wand vibrator. “Heavy duty, huh?” Her knowing laughter is edged with anticipation. “What did I do to deserve this?”

If she only knew how right she is, that she did something to deserve this. “You’ll find out,” I decide to answer as I plug it in. “Maybe I just want to make you feel good.”

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