Page 23 of Lock Me Out

“Give it a little thought. You’ll figure it out.” He scoffs before turning away.

I can’t believe it. He’s going to walk away. He’s actually going to leave me standing here. Before I can think about it, I reach out and grab his arm. “Don’t go! Come with me. You don’t have to hide!”

“I know what I’m doing. Let me go,” he warns, looking down at my hand.

“I won’t. Don’t you understand how it’s been driving Colt crazy, with everyone thinking you’re dead? Even me! Why would you stay away now?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yes!” I almost sob. It’s real—he’s alive. Colt was right. Who’s in his grave? How did he get burned? There are so many questions. I can’t possibly let him go.

Leaning down, he whispers, “I’m staying away because if I don’t, what happened in that alley is going to happen again and again. It’s all I can think about, Leni. Hurting you again the way Dad did.”

A wave of nausea washes over me before he scoffs again. “Trust me. This is for the best. So if you know what’s good for you, pretend this never happened and go. The fuck. Home.”

Yanking his arm away, he adds, “And don’t even think about telling Colt. You tell him, I’ll disappear for good,” he threatens.

It doesn’t occur to me to ask him to stop or call after him again. I’m too shocked, horrified. He wants to hurt me like his dad did? Is he really that twisted?

There’s nothing I can do but watch him as he disappears into the darkness. When a cab rolls down the street, I throw my arm out, desperate to get home now. Maybe I’ll be able to piece it all together when I’m there, where it’s safe.

Although that’s not going to help once Colt gets home, and I have to pretend once again I’m not hiding any secrets.

I don’t think there’s ever been a secret as big as this. Or one he might hate me more for keeping.

12

NIX

After the restof the week passes, I know one thing for sure: She hasn’t told him. She couldn’t have, or else Colt would burn the city down looking for me. The emails he’s been sending haven’t changed, either, which is another clue. He would’ve sent me another message immediately if he thought for sure I was alive and close enough to where he lives that it’s within walking distance. A long walk, but what else do I have to fill my time?

I walked tonight, since there’s never a guarantee I’ll be able to get a parking space close to their apartment. So I hang out across the street in an alley, staring up at their apartment. Sometimes I lose track of time while I do it, standing for hours. I watch their shadows move across the ceiling and imagine what they’re doing up there. I don’t deserve to be any part of it.

At least one good thing came out of showing her my face: she hasn’t been around the neighborhood since. She learned her lesson. For all I know, she’s more scared of me than she is of the other dangers out there, but that’s fine. It’s better if she hates me, if she’s scared of me. She should be.

I can’t stand the anticipation. Knowing he has to leave at some point. He can’t stay home forever, right? Not my brother. It seems like they spend a lot of time together, but he’s going to need time on his own. He can’t change everything about himself just because of the woman in his life. Even one he’s as obsessed with as he is with Leni.

It feels like a lifetime passes while I wait. Cars roll by, people talk on their phones or text while walking. No one notices me, because people don’t look into the darkness. They don’t want to see what’s in the shadows. I have come to rely on that, and it’s kept me safe all these months. Anonymous.

They may as well not exist. There is one person I need to see, the person I’ve been waiting for every time I stand here and watch. He has to leave her alone sometime. He can’t be with her always.

The front door to the building swings open, and my chest goes tight at the sight of my brother. I’ve seen him so many times, always from a distance, but I’ve never been gladder than I am tonight. He’s on his phone, oblivious, climbing behind the wheel of his car and pulling away without looking toward where I’m waiting for him to go. My blood is pumping, my body seized by anticipation. The longer he’s kept me waiting, the more time I’ve had to plan out what comes next.

I have to force myself to wait a minute, making sure he doesn’t come back, before crossing the street with my head down and my shoulders hunched. Will she be surprised to see me? She shouldn’t be. She should know me well enough by now to know I couldn’t possibly leave things the way they were the last time we saw each other.

The security in this building is a joke. No one bothers to stop me as I cross the lobby, probably because people don’t pay attentionto someone who walks with purpose. Another thing I’ve learned, living the way I do. It’s been a real education.

And tonight, Leni will get an education. She’s going to learn she never should have kicked the hornet’s nest. She should’ve left things the way they were instead of coming to look for me. All she did was convince me to do this, because something deep inside her can’t stay away from me any more than I can stay away from her.

She’s so trusting, she doesn’t bother looking through the peephole before opening the door at my knock. How do I know? Because she falls back a step with a gasp when she recognizes me standing in front of her. “Nix! What are you doing here?” Her face goes white as a sheet before she bites her lip, wincing. “I thought you said you didn’t want him?—”

That’s enough out of her. When I lunge, throwing myself into the apartment, her only reaction is to fall back a few stumbling steps. Her mouth opens like she’s about to scream, but I’m too quick, slamming the door shut with one hand and grabbing for her with the other. I have an arm around her waist and a hand over her mouth before she knows what’s happening.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Fuck, I forgot about this. What it’s like to have her so close to me, her body moving against mine, so warm and full and firm. I can fantasize all I want, but there’s not a fantasy in existence that could come close to the real thing. Her muffled cries, her breath hitting the top of my hand, her tits rubbing against my chest. I’m already rigid, straining against my zipper, and it only gets worse the more she wiggles and struggles.

“This is what I’ve been dreaming about all these months.” She stops whimpering and goes silent, listening to me, her eyes stillwide with fear that only excites me more. Like every part of her was created to get me off. “Taking you like this. Waiting for him to leave so I could have you the way I want you.”

Now there’s not only fear in her eyes. There’s anger, a hardness that wasn’t there before. Good, let her think she’s strong. Let her think she’s got any say in what’s happening.

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