Page 21 of Lock Me Out

Or I could just be crazy. That’s totally possible. Colt is right; I do need to see a therapist. Because between the messages that keep coming through my phone and the DMs I’m getting across social media from random anonymous accounts, I don’t know if I can take much more.

You’re going to die, bitch.

Count your days. The clock is ticking.

They’re going to bury you next to your mother.

The worst part is, I can block the numbers and accounts all I want, but that doesn’t stop them. They just create new accounts, new numbers to message me from. It’s enough to make me want to disappear. To just fade out completely. There are times when it feels like that’s the only solution.

And I guess that’s why the second Colt mentions leaving me alone tonight, my thoughts go straight back to the alley and what happened there. It’s not like I want to revisit and commemorate the experience or anything. I’m just wondering if I could find him there. Maybe I can draw him out. He did make a big deal about warning me against going out by myself, right? If he’s following me, or if he lives down there and sees me, there’s a chance he’ll make contact again.

I need him to. Either he’s Nix, or he isn’t. I need to know for sure.

“Go ahead,” I chirp as cheerfully as I can, looking up from the laptop where I’ve been trying like hell to focus on the paper I’m writing. My thoughts are so scattered, I have to fight for each sentence. That’s another reason I need to go out tonight. I have to clear my head, get some answers. “I think I’ll manage on my own.”

He’s not convinced, walking slowly toward me, running a hand over my hair. His touch is soothing, a promise of calm and safety. What I wouldn’t give to close my eyes and let go of everything on my mind.

“You sure? Maybe you should call Piper, see if she wants to do something.”

I love him for that. Smiling up into his blue eyes, I shake my head, then brush my lips against his palm once he’s finished caressing my cheek. “I really do have to work on this. She would only distract me. You know how it is; she never has to work that hard for a good grade.”

“Hey, if you can get her to write it for you,” he suggests with a wink. It’s not a bad idea, actually. Though I would never do anything like that. At least he’s not studying me so closely as he grabs his keys and wallet. “I won’t be too late, but if anything comes up, I’ll let you know.”

“Have fun,” I offer as he opens the door.

“Not too much fun,” he reminds me, grimacing. “I would like to get a decent grade on this. I can’t believe I actually give a shit.”

I could say the same thing. He never exactly cared about grades before—everything has always come so easily to him. I’m not delusional. I won’t act like I’m the reason he’s changed, but it does seem like a coincidence that my presence in his life came around the same time as him deciding it was time to care about things.

Am I seriously considering this? Staring at my screen, I don’t see the words in front of me. All I see are those glittering blue eyes. Eyes that are so familiar. Just like Colt’s.

Once enough time has passed that I doubt Colt will come back because he forgot something. I get up from the table and close the laptop, bracing myself for whatever is waiting for me. This time, I’ll know to watch my back. It’s not quite as late as it was last time, which I hope means there won’t be as much of a chance of danger rearing up and biting me in the ass.

Am I crazy for doing this? Catching my reflection in the mirror next to the front door, I can’t ignore the look of fear in my eyes. I can’t deny I’m more than a little freaked out over the idea of walking into possible danger.

But that’s not going to stop me. I’m never giving in to fear again.

It’s chilly again tonight, and I zip my hoodie up to my throat before shoving my hands into the pockets and starting off. My heart is pounding like a bass drum, and every step I take makes me wonder whether I should turn around and go the other way. He’s probably not even going to be around—Nix or whoever he is. I’m being stupid and taking risks I shouldn’t take.

But I need to know. If it takes another ten walks through a sort of dangerous part of town, that’s what I’ll do if it means knowing for sure whether my attacker was Nix or some random stranger. My keys are threaded between my fingers in a claw, ready to slice or gouge anybody who pulls anything with me. I’m not going to leave myself as vulnerable this time. I tighten my grip, more determined than ever.

It’s bad enough I have people sending me death threats. I don’t need to also worry whether I’m losing my mind, imagining things that aren’t true.

And maybe I need to know for Colt’s sake too, since I know how much it means to him, thinking his brother is alive. If he is, I’m going to find out, for both of our sakes.

And then I still might use these keys on Nix, because damn him. For running off, for hiding, for doing what he did to me in the alley.

Crossing the street, my eyes sweep to the right and left. They’ve been doing a lot of that lately, because it isn’t just on walks like the one I’m taking right now where I’ve been looking for Nix. I’ve been glancing over my shoulder for three days, sure I’ll see him lurking somewhere, watching me. Maybe I want to find him. I don’t know. I only know I can’t live in this state of limbo much longer. I have to know.

And then somehow, I’ll have to break the news to Colt—if any of this is true, of course.

This is the route I took, isn’t it? It has to be. I just walked in a straight line the other night, not really paying attention to where I was going, with no destination in mind. All that mattered was getting away.

Little did I know the real danger was ahead of me.

There’s less and less traffic the further away from home I go until I start to recognize the businesses I saw before. I wonder how they expect to make any money when they’re closed after people get out of work for the day. Slowing my pace, I pay closer attention than ever to my surroundings, jumping a little when a sharp laugh bursts out of one of the upper-floor windows. There must be apartments up there. I need to chill out—I am way too jumpy. It’s just that the closer I get to the alley where it all happened, the fresher the memories are.

Soon I pass a car where two vaguely familiar men lean against the front. “Hey, baby! What, you decided to come back and make friends?”

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