Page 17 of Lock Me Out

This isn’t happening. It can’t be happening.

Go away. Pretend you’re not here.Oh, my god, I’m going through it all over again, disassociating from my body to escape the horror I’m being put through. How can I go through this again? I thought this was all behind me. I thought I would never have to hide from reality.

But here we are, with him unzipping his fly inches away from my tear-stained face. “No, no,” I moan, my voice getting louder until a sharp tug of my hair cuts me off.

He’s powerful, strong, and brutal.

And big. Very big. Once he reaches into his pants and pulls himself free, my already racing pulse takes off even faster while panicked revulsion uncoils in my core. He guides himself to my lips and drags the head across them. A sob tears its way out of me, the tears flowing faster, nausea making my head spin.

Clearly, I’m not playing along to his standards. He thrusts his way into my mouth all at once, groaning as he fills me.

Right now, I’m focused on not choking. He hits the back of my throat, and I gag, but somehow, manage to hold on until the urge passes. The salty taste of his precum coats my tongue once he moves back, leaving the ridge of his swollen head against my lips before plunging in again.

What choice do I have? All the old memories come back while I do as I’m told, sucking him the best I can through my sobs. My vision is blurred, but then what does it matter? It’s so dark, I canbarely see anything. Maybe the less I can see, the better. The less I’ll remember.

But there won’t be any forgetting his soft grunts, his pleasured groans. The way he swells in my mouth, the way he starts to move his hips. Fucking my face. Using me, humiliating me, my scalp stinging, knees aching, and my heart shattering a little more every time I reach the nest of short hair at his base.

It’s like my gagging only excites him more, makes him move faster, holding my head firmly in place now so he can deliver brutal thrusts.

I can’t breathe!I slap at his thighs with both hands, whimpering loudly, but it’s no use. He doesn’t listen.

The world is starting to fade out by the time he slams deep one more time. Breathing loudly, he fills my throat with his cum. I have no choice but to swallow as fast as I can, glad it’s over and wishing I was dead. Why did I come out tonight? Why couldn’t I have stayed home?

I could cry with relief when he lets go of my hair and slides free. I sink back on my heels, dizzy and panting. God, I feel so dirty, the sort of dirty you can’t wash away. The kind that soils a person’s soul. Why does the world have to be like this? How can anybody be so cruel? What did I ever do to deserve this?

I’m never going to get any answers.

Without a word, he pulls me to my feet and leaves me leaning against the wall. What I wouldn’t give for something to rinse my mouth out with. I run the back of my hand over it, catching the tears on my cheeks at the same time. His hand circles my throat again, pinning me against the bricks.

This is it. This is when he kills me. It was all leading to this.Colt, I’m sorry. I didn’t know this would happen.

“Do not ever, ever walk alone at night again.” It’s like the slither of a snake, that voice, the sound wrapping itself around me, tightening like a noose. I’m so out of my mind that it takes me a moment to realize how familiar that menacing voice sounds.

His glittering eyes meet mine, staring deep into them, almost staring into my soul. The world is still spinning, and I could die from shame, but right now, all I can focus on is his eyes.

And the feeling I’ve seen them before.

It’s unbelievable, but I can’t ignore what seems so obvious now. His voice, his touch, his eyes… “Nix?” I whisper in disbelief.

And just like that, he lets me go, pulling his hand away like my skin burns him, yet holding my gaze for another heartbeat before ducking out of the alley and disappearing.

It couldn’t be. Nix is dead. He died in the explosion.

So why did this guy run away like that? All he had to do was say no, but he didn’t. No, that can’t be. I’m only telling myself what I need to believe, clinging to a tiny shred of hope that would make all of this a little less horrifying.

For now, the best thing to do is get the hell out of here and get back home on shaking, pained legs. After tonight, I might not ever leave.

9

NIX

Motherfucker.

What was that all about? Why the hell did I do it?

All these months, I’ve been telling myself to stay away for her sake. Forcing myself to stay away. It’s for the best; she doesn’t need me in her life. It’s time for her to heal, to forget, to move on.

She doesn’t need the threat of me hurting her, so what did I do? I hurt her worse than ever. I threatened and degraded her, assaulted and humiliated her. I forced her on her knees in that filthy, disgusting alley. She deserves so much better than that. How could I do it?

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