Page 85 of Ink & Stardust

“You really think she was just trying to get under my skin?” My anxiety has eased, not enough to calm the raging gallop in my chest that feels like a storm of hooves clamoring around inside of it, but enough that I can somewhat keep my thoughts in line.

“A hundred percent,” Charlotte interjects, squeezing my fingers a second time before letting go of my hand, which I hadn’t even realized she was still holding until then. “But the real question is, if you guys are just casual, why did you let her get you so worked up in the first place?” A slow smile spreads across her face, like she already knows the answer.

“We already know you’re in love with him,” Maisie announces before I can even think of how to respond to Char’s question. “So you can just admit it out loud and get it over with because it’s been painfully obvious for weeks.”

“It has?” I ask rather than deny.

I mean, obviously, I’ve told them that I have feelings for him, but I’ve never once said I was in love with him, or even insinuated that my feelings were heading that way. Then again, I guess it probably wasn’t that hard to put together.

Try as I may, I never stood a chance against Kai. From the moment I met him, he has done nothing but dismantle every obstacle I’ve spent months putting into place to protect myself, to prevent what happened with Leo from ever happening again.

If you don’t give someone your heart, they can’t break it.

Only problem is, Kai never asked, he simply reached right in and took it, and there wasn’t a single thing I could do to stop him.

“No offense, but you’re kind of easy to read.” Charlotte chuckles.

“I don’t know how I feel.” I shake my head.

“Bullshit,” they say in unison—again—clearly having some kind of twin mojo going on today or something.

“Just say it,” Char urges. “You’ll feel better once you do.”

“She’s right. Besides, there’s no harm in telling your best friends. We aren’t going to tell Kai or anyone else. That’ll be for you to do when you’re ready,” Maisie reassures.

“Fine. I admit it.” I toss my hands up in defeat.

“We’re not going to let you off that easy.” Charlotte tsks. “Not until you say the words.”

“I’m in love with Kai freaking Elliot!” I announce loudly, spreading my arms wide. “Happy now?”

“I’m happy if you are,” Maisie tells me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

“Same,” Char agrees, sliding her arm over Maisie’s from the other side.

“Thank you for talking me down,” I tell them, smiling when Charlotte puts her other arm around Maisie, enclosing us in what can only be described as a circle hug.

“That’s what friends are for.” Maisie leans her head against mine. “I’m sure I’m going to need to be talked off the ledge more than a few times over the next four years. I hope you ladies are up to the task.”

“Bring it on.” Char giggles.

Out of all the people I could have been paired with, I got two people who not only embraced me from the first day but have shown me more love and support than most of the people I’ve been friends with my entire life.

I’m taken with just how blessed I truly am. With my family. With my friends. And with a certain someone who has changed me in ways I can’t even begin to put into words. Four months ago, I walked into this room a shell of a person. And now, here I stand, relatively whole, mostly sane, and definitely loved. And I won’t ever take any of it for granted.

Chapter Fifteen

“You’re awfully quiet today, Converse,” Kai tells me from across the table, picking off a corner of his sandwich before popping it into his mouth.

“I am?” I tilt my head ever so slightly. “I guess I just have a lot on my mind, is all.” I blow out a soft breath, unable to shake the uneasy feeling I’ve carried with me since my interaction with Claire last weekend.

Maisie and Char helped alleviate some of my doubt, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone completely, as much as I wish it were. Because even with everything they said, and everything I know to be true, there’s still that little voice in the back of my head that says Claire wasn’t wrong. That I really am just another stupid girl, and that one day, probably soon, I’m going to realize just how right she was.

Now, every time I look at Kai, all I can think about is all the things he told me from the very beginning that he couldn’t give me. The things I want that I know I’m never going to have. The knowledge that I’m in love with a man who’ll likely never love me back. And little by little, it’s chipping away at me.

“You worried about finals?” He guesses—incorrectly, might I add—though maybe Ishouldbe worried about them. Unfortunately, I just can’t bring myself to care that much right now.

“Not really.”

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