Page 80 of Ink & Stardust

“But I never said anything.”

“You didn’t have to. I know how badly Leo hurt you, and I know how hard you tried to hide it after you left for college. But I could hear it in your voice every time we spoke. But then suddenly, you weren’t hiding anymore. The smile you faked for months became real. Your laugh genuine. And I may be past the days when a man has the ability to make me giddy, but I still recognize what it felt like and the impact it can have on someone.”

“You could tell all that just by talking to me on the phone?” I arch a brow in her direction.

“Of course I could. I’m your mother,” she says simply. “Now, what did you want to ask me?”

“I guess it’s not so much a question as it is that I need your advice.” I blow out a slow breath. “This guy, he’s... Well, he’s not really the relationship type. He made it pretty clear early on that we would never be anything serious but...”

“You’ve fallen in love with him.” She finishes, abandoning the dish she’s drying to turn toward me.

I meet her understanding gaze.

“He’s... I don’t know how to describe it. He tries to portray this image of someone who doesn’t care about others. When I first met him, I had him pegged as this guy whose only interest in women was what he could get from them in the bedroom. But with me, he’s kind and protective, and he treats me like I’m...special. But the way he is with me is a complete contradiction to who I know him to be. And after Leo, I just worry that maybe I’m seeing what I want to see.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always knew something was off with Leo, like deep down I could tell he wasn’t the guy he tried so hard to portray, but I was so desperate for him to bethatperson that I turned a blind eye to everything that told me he wasn’t.”

“So now you’re afraid you’re doing the same thing with this guy?”

“Kai.” His name touches my lips. “And yes, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. On one hand, I’m certain he feels something too. On the other, I worry that maybe I only feel that way because I so desperately want it to be true.”

“Have you tried telling him how you feel?”

I shake my head. “I’m scared that if I do, he’ll end it.”

“I understand your fear. Love can be a really scary thing sometimes. But isn’t it better to know the truth?”

“I’m not sure it is,” I admit.

Kai Elliot has changed me in ways I couldn’t even imagine a couple of months ago. My interaction tonight with Leo is proof of just how true that is. I never would have had the courage to stand up to him, to stand up for myself, had Kai not shown me that I could. That I could stand on my own two feet. And that’s only a fraction of the world he’s opened up for me. He stepped into the bubble that had been secured around me my entire life and popped it like it was made of nothing more than soap.

Before him, I didn’t know desire, or passion, or what it felt like to crave another person so fiercely that you would scale the side of an active volcano just to be close to them.

“Hiding from the truth doesn’t make it any less real.” She reaches out, pushing a strand of hair away from my face in that motherly way she’s always done.

I think about Kai and how he’ll never experience this kind of unconditional love, the kind only a mother can give, and it makes my heart ache in response. He has every reason to bejaded and resentful for the things he’s had to endure, and yet, he’s none of those things.

“I’ve never felt like this before,” I quietly admit. “Not with Leo. Not with anyone. The way he makes me feel... It’s like stars exploding in my chest.”

“Then don’t you think you owe it to yourself to make sure those feelings are reciprocated?”

“I guess.” Fear claws at my insides.

“If he’s any kind of man at all, there’s no way he doesn’t love you back. Who wouldn’t? You’re the most beautiful, kind, amazing young woman that God has ever blessed the earth with.” She smiles, her love for me etched into every pore on her aging face.

“You only say that because you’re my mom,” I grumble.

“No, I say it because it’s true. You deserve someone who’s going to love you as deeply as you love them. Maybe Kai is the one who will do that, maybe he isn’t. Either way, make sure he’s worthy of your heart before you so willingly hand it to him.”

A little late for that, I think, but don’t say.

“Tell him how you feel. At least then, you’ll know.”

“You’re right.”

Of course she is. I already knew what I needed to do. I guess I just needed the reassurance to actually do it. Though it is yet to be seen if I’ll actually follow through.

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