Page 39 of Ink & Stardust

“Why would you think I’d toy with you?” His gaze darkens.

“Because it’s the only thing that makes logical sense. You don’t actually want me. You just enjoy playing with me.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, feeling weak and exposed and... pathetic. “You’re a man who probably rolls out of a different girl’s bed every night, and yet, when I’m practically begging you to have your way with me, you shut me down. It all makes perfect sense now.”

My emotions are all over the place and I can’t seem to get a grasp on them.

Great, because you don’t look crazy enough already, let’s show him all our cards.

I try to tune out the little voice in my head because, let’s be real, she only makes things worse.

“You think you’ve got me all figured out, do you?” A humorless smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and I try so hard not to think about how that mouth felt on mine just minutes ago.

“Now that the gig is up, do me a favor and stay the hell away from me, would you?” I push past him, intentionally knocking my shoulder into his as I do.

I expect him to stop me. Hell, I wait for it. And sure enough, just when I think maybe he’s actually going to let me walk away, his fingers close down around my wrist, pulling me to an abrupt stop.

“Let go of me.” I try to pull my arm out of his grasp, but his grip is too strong, and well, I don’t actually pull that hard.

“You can’t say shit like that and think I’m just going to let you walk away.” He steps into me, his free hand coming up to cup the side of my neck. “I was trying to be the good guy for once.” He dips down, his expression unreadable. “Is that so hard for you to believe?”

“If I wanted a good guy, I wouldn’t be standing here with you, now would I?” I try, and fail, to keep the tremble from my voice. “Make no mistake, I know the kind of man you are.”

And I do. Sadly, I think maybe that makes me want him more.

“Then why do you continue to push me?” He lets out an exasperated sigh.

It’s a valid question, though I feel like it’s one he should be asking himself, not me. Considering basically every interaction we’ve had, he’s the one pushing me, testing me, daring me.

“I’m not the one pushing,” I say instead of the million other things I could say.

He considers that for a long moment.

“I’ll only hurt you.” He releases the hand he’s holding to touch the other side of my neck, urging my face upward.

“I’m tougher than I look.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who can handle casual.” He slides his nose against mine, the warmth of his body engulfing me.

Normally, I’d agree. But after Leo... after being reminded what being in a relationship can do to someone, it’s the last thing I want, to give another that kind of power over me. I’ve spent far too long trying to fit into everyone else’s version of the perfect me—my parents’, Leo’s, my old friends’—that I never stopped to ask myself if that’s who I really am.

Giving in to my desires does not make me less of a person. It does not make me less worthy of love or respect. If anything, it shows that I know how to listen to myself, and right now, every pore in my body is screaming that I want this, that I want him.

“Do us both a favor and stop pretending you know anything about me.” I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. “Now shut up and kiss me.” I rejoice when he does exactly that.

He kisses me like I am the sun, the stars, and the sky. Like I am the gravity holding him to the earth.

And God help me, once he starts, I don’t ever want him to stop.

“Where have you been?” Char sits up in bed the second I step inside our dorm room.

“Me and River went for pancakes before he left.”

It’s not a lie. We did, in fact, go for pancakes and then he left. I just leave out the fact that I spent the last twenty minutes practically mouth fucking Kai freaking Elliot in the middle of the quad.

“Why do you look flushed?” She arches a brow at me.

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