Page 102 of Ink & Stardust

“Maybe I thought it would be easier!”

“Easier for who? You!”

“Yes, for me. I thought it would be easier for me.”

“But that can’t be right because that would imply you actually give a shit.”

“I do give a shit. I give a fuck lot of shits, Lyric. Do you think I would have come here tonight if Maisie hadn’t told me you’d be here if I didn’t?”

I gasp at this little piece of information, but he doesn’t let me get a single word out before he continues.

“Do you think I’d be standing here right now if I didn’t? Do you think every pore in my body would be itching to go back in that house and fucking wipe the floor with that motherfucker if I didn’t?” He swings his arm back toward the house. “I care a fuck lot more than you seem to realize.”

“Your actions would say otherwise,” I challenge.

“Open your fucking eyes and actually look at me! Do you think this isn’t fucking killing me?”

My pulse spikes.

“You did this.” My voice softens. “I told you I loved you, and you let me walk away. You didn’t fight for me. Hell, you’ve done the opposite of fight for me.”

“I know.”

“And yet you expect me to believe you care?”

“I was doing what I thought was best for you.”

“What’s best for me...” I take a small step back, needing space to think, to breathe. “How is any of this what’s best for me?” I gesture around at nothing in particular. “I think you did what’s best for you.”

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I did. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m standing here now.”

“Yeah, after you’ve spent nearly two weeks acting like I don’t exist.”

“I’ve spent two weeks in misery. I couldn’t pretend you don’t exist if I tried.”

“Bullshit.”

“You don’t believe me? Ask Maisie. Ask Maisie how many times I’ve texted her over the last couple of weeks asking about you. Ask her what a fucking mess I was last weekend when I went to her brother’s place. Ask her why she came to my dorm earlier today to let me know you’d be here. Because she knows what you haven’t yet realized.”

“And what’s that?”

“That I love you.”

The world tilts sideways.

Every thought empties from my brain like someone hitting the delete button.

I go completely blank.

I open my mouth, close it, open it again, but nothing comes out.

I’m so stunned that I can’t even formulate words, my heart lodging in my throat, cutting off my ability to pull in the breath I so desperately need.

He steps closer. “I’m in love with you. Is that what you want to hear? That I’m so fucking in love with you that I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t focus on anything that isn’t you no matter how hard I try, and trust me, I’ve tried.”

His hands are on my face now, cupping it in a way that has a tear slipping past my lashes.

Kai swipes it away with his thumb.

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