Page 62 of King of Hearts

I wouldn’t pressure him to actually treat me like we were in a real relationship. He was already doing enough, but he’d gone so far that day of the ultrasound, and part of me thought he wouldn’t mind doing that again…or more than that. But that had been because I’d asked him to. I wasn’t eager to do that again; it made me feel like I was using him somehow. So, when I would wake up in the middle of the night and see that he was asleep, I’d head to the bathroom to relieve the pressure my hormones kept building between my thighs. It was partly why exhaustion had taken over my life so completely.

“What if you don’t make it…do you have a backup plan in place?” Juan leaned forward, snagging an apple slice off my tray. His jaw worked in a delicious manner while he chewed. The light cutting through the tall windows in the cafeteria worked to his benefit, casting him in a glow too brilliant to handle.

I shrugged, grabbing for my water. “I’m prepping to finish classes online, so I guess that’s my backup plan.”

Juan’s eyes settled on me in a gentle way, silent and careful, almost like he was worried I’d catch the concern lining his sharp features. His whiskey eyes darted down to the tray, and his jaw clenched tight. People walked around our table, a few people casting glances in our direction. A small group of girls gathered in a cluster two tables over, and at least four of them kept glancing over with wide eyes and gasping shock.

“I think your friend is curious about this development,” I said, my eyes staying on the group of girls. I knew Angela, the girl who’d been in the locker room with him, was in the center of the cluster, but I wasn’t sure if Juan knew, or worse…if he cared.

He didn’t even turn around, and shit, it did something to my chest.

“Not worried about anyone in here but you.”

Then why wouldn’t he touch me? He was hard for me all the damn time; he just never did anything about it. It was so difficult to decipher his true feelings for me, but maybe there weren’t any left. Maybe he just felt duty-bound to protect a pregnant mother, and sometimes he got hard because I had a pair of boobs and a vagina.

Maybe there was nothing left but his concern for me as Mallory’s little sister.

I noticed his gaze hadn’t left mine, even while he ate my lunch.

“I think…” He dipped his head, which forced his hair to shift, and I found myself desperate to run my fingers through the glossy strands. “I think I should be seen with you here…Ivan is keeping tabs on you, so we need to make sure it seems like we’re together.”

My chest pinched tight. I guess that answered my question about whether Juan saw me as a duty or not. I knew it was ridiculous to ask that he see me as anything more, which was why he was still putting distance between us, but hurt found a way between my ribs anyway.

“What did you have in mind?” I ducked my head to hide my emotions.

Looking up just in time, I caught a smile displacing his furrowed brow and contemplative features. How could I not fall in love with him? It was impossible.

“Stand up,” he ordered, moving his own chair and grabbing his backpack.

I slowly stood, already knowing he’d grab my bag for me. Then before I had a chance to even catch my breath, his hands were around me, cradling my hip and bracing my jaw. His lips caught mine in a possessive move and he moved his head to the side, sliding his mouth against mine, leaving no room for anyone in the cafeteria to question our relationship or what it was we were doing. I returned the kiss with fervor, because I’d already been so desperate to feel his hands and lips on me again.

Tears nearly pricked my eyes as I leaned into his touch and met every sweep of his tongue with a fevered push of my own. He stood over me, his hand dragging up my spine until both cradled my head. It was the sort of kiss that would leave a mark forever. When I closed my eyes, I’d see the way his eyes shuttered with need before those lips landed on mine. When I slept at night, I’d dream of how good it felt to be held by him, to be owned and claimed in such a way.

Even if it wasn’t real for him, it would always be real when I remembered.

He broke the kiss with a heaving chest and wild eyes that burned for more. He wasn’t finished with me, and I hadn’t even begun with him.

Turning away, he threaded our fingers together and pulled me toward the exit so I’d make my next class. As we neared the door, I found a pair of angry blue eyes pointed at me. Holden stood watching with his jaw set and a furious expression clouding his face. I saw him but turned my head as if he was no one of consequence…because ultimately, he wasn’t. He’d made his decision, and now I was making one so that his daughter would survive.

* * *

“You seem off,”Juan said, coming up behind me.

His fingers ghosted over my hips before they were buried in his pockets. I was off because as much as I wanted to do the right thing and keep distance between us, it was absolutely killing me. The sexual tension was getting so insufferable that I had straight up almost humped the arm of the couch the other night. I felt like an animal in heat.

Juan would rub my shoulders, my feet, and my calves, would braid my hair…he was always touching me but never doing anything more. We hadn’t shared any more kisses since the school cafeteria, and while we shared a bed each night, he kept it platonic. He held me, wrapped his arms around me, but nothing more.

I missed going out and doing my own thing too. I missed freedom and being able to just pick up and go to the store when I wanted without worrying about who was with me and which guard was assigned to me. I missed Fatima, but complaining that I was being guarded and kept safe would only prove how much of a spoiled brat I was. Juan had risked everything for me, and here I was ready to just whine at the first hint of boredom.

In an attempt to stay busy, I’d cook with Juan, watch television, read, prep the baby stuff…or I’d sulk. Today, it seemed I was destined to sulk.

“I want to go to the store to grab a few things.” I let out a sigh.

Juan stood like a statue behind me, breathing warmly on my neck. I wondered what he thought of this entire thing. I knew he was still taking interviews for hockey; he just didn’t seem to want to tell me. I also knew Angela kept calling and texting him. His phone was always going off with notifications, and even if he didn’t read them or spend time looking at them, it bothered me that he wasn’t just blocking her.

Why should he though? His relationship with me wasn’t real…he kept putting up walls, and so did I, for the sake of this stupid charade, or for the sake of our own hearts. I just wanted it to end, but I hadn’t quite connected the dots yet for how that would happen without involving Juan.

“Can I come with you?”

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