Page 37 of King of Hearts

His black lashes fluttered, his smile cracking as a small laugh erupted in his chest. His hand came up, slapping my shoulder as he headed back toward the front door.

“Not for you…but for who hangs around you.”

I turned, following him with my eyes. “Like Mallory?”

He reached the door and turned. “If you need us, hit that button, primo. That’s all I’m saying.” Then he was gone.

* * *

The interactionwith Hector was still in my head as I headed to school. I stretched my fingers at my side so I wouldn’t be tempted to get my phone out of my pocket and double-check my messages. Taylor was supposed to notify me when she had the date for her ultrasound. I’d offered to go with her, mostly because it would just be a shitty thing to go to alone, but there was something deeper there I was ignoring, some desperate need to be included, involved, to experience that moment with her.

It was Thursday afternoon, a few days since that moment by the admin building where I saw her talking to some stranger. Her words had flung back at me like little rocks. There was something she wasn’t telling me, that much I knew…but I wasn’t sure what. It left me wondering who that man was. I noticed the smallest bit of a tattoo on his wrist when he moved his arm; it looked like something I’d seen in one of my history classes, something similar to the Turul bird from the creation myths from somewhere in Europe. The hardness of the man, the way his eyes looked at Taylor…it reminded me of the way the captains in El Peligro looked at one of their targets.

“Fuck it,” I muttered, hanging right toward a large pillar. It was past two in the afternoon, which meant Taylor was out of her classes and should have been leaving campus or already home. She’d been staying at her mom and Charlie’s off and on, and I didn’t fucking know why. I had decided to back off after she recoiled from me that night in her bed. I’d done my part in setting up distance for us, but now it seemed Taylor had decided to do her own thing, and I didn’t fucking like it. I wanted it to stop, and maybe when we went to the ultrasound together, it would.

My fingers moved as the sun bounced off the science building to my right and the breeze blew gently passed, mussing my hair and reminding me that winter was on its way. Thinking of winter made me think of Taylor’s baby and whether or not she’d stay with me once she had it. Again, there was some deeper part of me that, if I were being honest, I’d admit wanted her to, even more so after I’d gotten to know her better…but my basic survival instincts wouldn’t let me acknowledge or ever admit that out loud.

Focusing on the cell in front of me, I punched out a text to her.

Me:You never told me the date for the ultrasound.

I waited, seeing the little bouncing dots jump and die down. I looked up, realizing I was too attached to this situation, too attached to my mind wandering, thinking about who Taylor was with, who she was seeing, and if it was Holden fucking Winters. Finally, after several minutes and once I started walking again, her reply came in.

Taylor:About that…Holden said he’d go. No need to come, you’re off the hook.

I froze mid-step in the middle of the walkway with students moving and bustling around me. Someone jostled me from the side and another from the back, but all I could do was stare at the screen. My heart was doing something funny, something strange, like it had beat so hard it had escaped and somehow fallen, swooping into my stomach, forcing it to churn anxiously. I could usually sense when she was pushing me away, but in this…with him, there was no clear way to tell, and I didn’t have enough heart to risk to find out.

Spinning on my heel, I marched toward my car and decided I needed to ruin this, whatever the fuck it was. It had to end, because the tearing sensation happening in my chest couldn’t surface again.

Chapter Fifteen

“This chair is pure magic,”I said wistfully to Fatima. I rocked while she used a scanning gun on specific items.

“You need to be doing this yourself,” she said, and I peeked an eye open to see her shaking her head. It was difficult to tell if she was truly annoyed with me or not. With Mallory it was always easy to tell because she was annoyed with me frequently. I had that way about me, I supposed. Unintentional as it was, sometimes I didn’t pick up on social cues that came easily to others. I’d been raised with monsters most of my life and spoiled for the other half. I was incorrigible, regardless of how frequently I desired to change this about myself.

“You don’t have to do it, Fatima.” I sat up, bracing my hands on the sides of the chair to stand. She made a sound I could only identify as a sassy scoff.

“Girl, I never said I didn’t want to do it, only that you should be, so you know what you’re registering for.” Her dark brow rose as she pivoted toward the stack of diapers next to her. Using the scanning gun in her hand, she began to scan each box.

I scooted out of the chair and knelt down next to the stack.

“Why are there different sizes here? Shouldn’t I be registering for the small ones for when it comes home from the hospital?”

Fatima turned her honey-colored eyes toward me, her mauve lips slung in a disappointed frown. “It? Didn’t you find out the gender, and don’t you have a name picked out?”

Right, that whole thing. I shrugged with indifference, feeling my internal, solidified fortress reinforce with more resolute emotional steel than ever.

“The doctor penciled me in, but not for another week or so.” What I didn’t tell her was I’d canceled twice now because I was too chicken to go by myself. Regardless of what Juan had offered, there was no way I’d endanger him by letting him go with me, especially if my father’s men were watching us. I shouldn’t even have been going to his house, but I was having a hard time not being local throughout the week.

“Look.” My new…oralmostfriend turned toward me. “The ultrasound is just to make sure the baby is healthy, and you can even request they don’t tell you the gender. There are lots of people who go that route, but you should still go to make sure the baby is okay and there aren’t any concerns that could have been caught early.”

A new kind of panic blossomed in my chest. It was as if someone had just lit a flare gun and shot it in the darkness, which also happened to be my mind. How could I be so naïve? So stupid? I had only been thinking about myself, not the little bean, and because of that there could be something wrong, something I could have prevented.

“Hey…” Fatima put her hand on my knee, and I realized there were tears streaming down my face when she gently swiped one away. “It’s normal to be scared, and it’s normal to avoid specific things…trust me. You’re a good mom—look at all this stuff you’re registering for.”

I sniffed, peeking at the spread in front of us. I’d registered for nearly the entire baby department. My mother had said she’d help with anything, Charlie too. Even Mallory wanted to start spoiling the little bean, but no one knew what to get, so I said I would come in and register for a bunch of things. In the end it had just been Fatima telling me what I would need.

“I’ve been so selfish,” I croaked, swiping at new tears.

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